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Friday, June 29, 2012

The Great Indian Monsoon Saga!



The Bastards Who Waited For Rains Butchering Trees!
 
The bastards have been looking southwards for a couple of weeks now! They all have been waiting for rains all these days...! The arrival of the Great Monsoons from the south....! The life line of Indian Agriculture, Indian Life etc!
They have been reading the daily news papers & eagerly devouring the lines where IMD has told about the coming rains, the ‘MMs’ of rain to fall in a certain area, the percentage of rain the particular spot, area, panchayath, district, state, country etc will get when rain comes, if it comes at all etc! They have been talking volumes about EL NINOs, Global Warming, Low Pressure here, there & everywhere, The Negative Significance of CFCs, The Greatness of the rain coats available in the markets & the great discounts offered before the monsoon starts, Global Wind Structures, The behaviour of Antarctic Penguins at the time of the South Asian monsoons, The Accuracy of IMD’s Frog Forecasters etc!
 
The IMD (The Great Indian Meteorological Department which uses the frogs placed on top of the IMD Towers & their ‘Accurate Croaks’ to ‘Accurately Predict’ the Monsoon Rains!) Personalities (And, it is even strongly rumoured that the earnest & trustworthy IMD had placed at the least a frog, tied, on the top of every thing –movable & immovable!- which is more than 6ft tall, in the south side of the country to have an accurate prediction of Monsoon this time around!), the Hobby Weather Watchers from the government & the non government sides, the gaping public who always was interested in ‘Predictions’ of every sort, the gamblers, the monsoon indices betting people ‘authorised’ by various government departments which solely reserves for themselves the Great Art of Authorisation & SEBI (People have been thinking all these decades that ‘SEBI’ is the name of a North Indian ‘Babu’ who always meddle in everything unnecessarily!), my great neighbours who took great pains to wake up in the wee hours & prepare & pour boiled water on the plants, saplings & whatever I planted, the drug companies which eagerly wanted to force the ‘Monsoon Drugs’ down the throat of ‘the common man stupid’ under the various government sponsored & tacitly supported ‘Monsoon Immunisation + Prevention Of MONSOONIC DEADLY MALADIES’ programmes, the vested interests who always wanted to FISH in the monsoon water puddles & all the other ‘Concerned’ parties have been staying put with all their state of the art telescopes, periscopes, binoculars, body scanners, infrared night vision equipments, Air Borne Early Warning Systems & other millions of gadgets at Cape Camorin, at the top of Swami Vivekananda Statue, on the top of the cursed Mullapperiyar Dam, on the top of the Karnataka Vidhan Soudha & almost completed – at an exorbitant & jaw dropping escalated price!- Vikas Soudha, on the top of the Peepal tree on the top of the mining scared/tainted Kudremukh Hills & other HIGH PLACES! They all have been waiting for the rains of Monsoon!
Various media channels have competitively & successfully conducted and aired ‘AAA’ Rated opinion polls, exit polls, entrance polls, mid term polls & their own brand new various polls on the chances of rain to hit the country, the chances of the strength of the rains when they hit the country etc with maximum coverage; and, millions of people have participated in these polls, many going back home with great prizes like ‘Bullshit Company’ sponsored T-shirts, under garments, empty bottles of aerated drinks, replicas of the Fallen Indian Rupee (FIR!), packets of used condoms etc, which they painstakingly won, getting the maximum number of SMSs from the HUGELY DONKEYISH PUBLIC! 
 
Though the bastards have been looking southwards for a couple of weeks now, they had been deeply involved ‘in their work’ till just before they started waiting for the Monsoon Rains! They had been cutting trees & forests, non stop all these months & years, in the name of development, progress, employment, Rozgar, Roti, Kapada & Makkan, mining, undermining, road widening, pocket widening etc! They had regularly been uprooting trees & erasing thousands of hectors of forest land ‘in the name of their Dead Non Existent Fathers’, with the support of the ‘Who Is Who’ of ‘the authorising evil contingents’ all over the country (Who got their begging bowls filled with the ‘Sap Money’ of the slaughtered forests & trees!)!
And, they made it 100% sure that no sapling is planted in all those areas where they have even a tiny iota of influence! They, with their ‘Bastard Supporters’, trampled on all the saplings & plants they saw in their Bastard Eyes, anywhere & everywhere they went! They hired private detective agencies to find out where all new & young plants & saplings are grown & after getting the pieces of information they destroyed all those things in the stealthiest of the operations in such a fashion that there grew no plants for years! They made laws & they helped to make laws which make sure that ‘No Tree, Plant, and Sapling Grow Anywhere’!
 
These Bastards covered ‘the Face & Eyes of Law’ with their ‘Money Veil’ & Technical Expertise (Which is nothing but the naked exploitation of the loop holes of Law!) & cut the trees into extinction, in the darkest of nights! They cut the trees and eliminated even the seeds & then made the rules to preserve & protect forests; they made it a fashion to uproot trees to extinction; they had their indoctrinating Epics ghost written where deforestation was described the ultimate virtue; they made movies where trees & forests became Evil Dead; they poured boiled water on the immovable & mute plants & saplings to have a high and to satisfy their ‘Bastard Egos’; they ‘Deliberately Unknowingly’ trampled on the plants & saplings their neighbours planted in their own gardens, as if those plants & saplings were grown on the chest of their Dead & Gone Non Existent Fathers; they ridiculed all ‘those who planted something’ as aboriginals & utterly uncivilised! In short, these Bastards danced & killed each & every plant they came to know about and rejoiced!
But, they never stopped breathing the oxygen some poor tree or plant produced, somewhere far away from these Bastards; they never stopped polluting the air, environment & the Earth with great emissions of toxic gases & carbon dioxide! They burnt trees & they burnt fossil fuel in equal measure & polluted the world; they kept polluting the world & at the same time kept destroying The Very Things which made These Bastards live on this ‘Once Beautiful’ Mother Earth! They kept pouring to the hill stations where ONLY HILLS are present (& NO TREES, at all!) and kept their exuberant polluting techniques unstopped! They kept themselves cool by poisoning all the other things around them, as they themselves are toxically toxic! And, they tried to be under the cool shades of trees which they had already eliminated years ago, feigning they didn’t know they couldn’t have the shades of trees without the trees existing!
 
As ‘the Ultimate Poison Of The World’ These Bastards move on this Earth, most of the times unnoticed & sometimes glorified by the easily gullible contemporaries! And, they keep waiting for the Monsoon Rains, with all their armies of toxifying gadgets, talking elaborately about El Ninos, High & Low Pressure Areas in the various parts of the world, Glacier Melting & other ‘SIGNIFICANT’ things, which These Bastards think are the reasons behind a much delayed or extremely poor Monsoon! These Bastards never understand or want to understand HOW all these things depend of the thousands of plants, saplings, trees & forests they butchered & made extinct!   

ISI - MARK OF INDIA OR PAKISTAN?!


From Kashmir issue to Kargil War to Parliament attack to Mumbai 29/11 everything is attributed to ISI, the Inter Services Intelligence of Pakistan! One seriously doubts what their counter parts in India are doing! Slowly the Indians start to develop a fear or can we say an admiration towards ISI as they get away with whatever they do & keep repeating things which always hurt India & Indians where it hurts most!

When the ‘Bribe Taking Inspector of Police’ (B-TIP, as he is ‘fondly’ called!) caught the rider of the bike on not wearing a helmet & tried to ‘charge him something underhand’ he didn’t budge even a single iota & started to sing 'Vande Matharam' & all at the top f his voice that all the other residents of that locality dashed to the CRIME SITE! There they saw a bike rider without a helmet caught by the Bribe Taking Inspector Of Police (B-TIP) & singing, at the top of his voice, Great Patriotic Songs of Yore! The Bribe Taker painstakingly tried to stop his chanting; but as he thought whether he would be suspended for 'The Crime Against The State' (As the so called offender was singing great patriotic songs non stop!) he didn’t become his usual self who always kicked the so called (‘Alleged’ in the media terms!) offenders under the belly & where it hurts most, without ever causing any mark of an injury, first & talked later!

As there came a soothing slow down in the law offender biker’s top pitch patriotic singing, people  who gathered in large numbers started to ask the alleged offender biker what the problem was. He with his Patriotic Arrogance & Pride told them that the bribe taker (B-TIP) asked him to be an Anti India & Anti Patriotic! And, he continued saying that the bribe taker has asked him to wear a helmet while riding a bike & that too WITH THE MARK OF THE PAKISTANI INTELLIGENCE SEVICE - ISI - on it, which he could not tolerate & he will never! And, he elaborated, to all those around him who lapped up whatever he said the very instant he spat it out, that it is because he is a Patriotic Indian he is harassed by this ISI Agent who always promotes ISI & Their nefarious designs!

The helpless & patriotically cornered police inspector or the so called B-TIP, out of his pathetic state he was in, asked, as a compromise, the Patriotic Offender to start wearing a helmet without the ISI mark, which was against the Indian Traffic Rules & Regulations, which he was reminded of by his Bribe Taking Subordinate (BTS!)! But, not listening to him, the B-TIP pointed out that more than 80% of the helmets in the country are NOT ISI Marked; and, hence, the biker could have gone for a helmet which never had the PAKISTANI DESIGN on it to protect his head & by that his precious life, in case he meets with an accident & never have his great patriotic sentiments bruised!

The B-TIP even made it clear that India is a country where only the rider will DIE due to NOT WEARING a helmet if met with an accident & the pillion rider will escape unhurt & keep living though he or she fails to wear a helmet & meets with a deadly accident, as LEGALLY death can catch ONLY the rider -and never a pillion rider!- as according to the traffic rule book! The B-TIP reminded the ‘Alleged’ Offender & all those who gathered there –who bayed for the unpatriotic blood of the B-TIP!- that in India it is only those without an ISI Marked Helmet can & are permitted to die, if met with a deadly accident, while the pillion rider, despite not having a helmet to cover his or her head, will keep living as death cannot take him or her under the all prevailing & forceful Indian Traffic Rules! 

The All Knowing Common Man's question is if the ISI Mark on the helmet can save a life & the rule book says ‘ONLY ISI Marked Helmets’ can be worn why all these fuss about ISI?! He seriously doubts that the media, government & all are trying to sabotage the good image of ISI to have some secret political mileage as how can a life saver (ISI) be life destructive?! And, he asks if ISI Mark is OK with helmets then why the ‘ISI Marked’ (Made, Circulated & Marketed By ISI!) Indian Fake Currency Notes can’t be accepted nationwide & the agents who make the ISI Mark in the matter of Fake Indian Currency in India given Bharat Rathnas?!

The All Knowing Common Man also urges that all the people in India who OWE COMPLETE & UNWAVERING ALLEGIANCE to Pakistani ISI (The Fact That They Are In Crores doesn’t seem to bother him!) should be considered ‘MORE INDIAN’ than the others & WHATEVER DEMANDS THEY MAKE 24/7 SHOULD BE MET, UNGRUDGINGLY! He also adds that the Kandahar Plane Hijacking & all should be seen in a very positive light & the terrorists freed then should be considered Great Servicemen as they had been working 24/7 for ISI, which stands for great quality of Life, always!

FOOT NOTE:-
It is scientifically proven beyond any doubt that it is the ‘ISI Mark’ that saves thousands of lives in India & not, as has been popularly believed all these decades, the quality of the helmet worn! Hence, to save the life of a biker, in the case of an accident happening, the ONLY DIFFERENTIATING ASPECT which segregates Life from Death is an ‘ISI Mark’ and nothing more! Hence, it can be positively deemed that just sticking an ISI Mark on the fore head or any part of one’s head, however tiny it may look, will be the Ultimate Protection one needs while riding a bike; and the trouble making helmets can be phased out in time!
 
And, all those people who make Non ISI Standard Helmets & sell them all in the open market to the easily gullible so called common men of India as ISI Standard Helmets, just by sticking an ISI Sticker on to them,  should be appreciated & honoured, as they are doing a great work in the times of Government Propelled Inflation of double digits, as they make the helmets reachable to the commonest of the common men & cost effective and save millions of lives from the unpredictable & deadly accidents, thanks to the ISI Stickers they pasted on them! But, despite all these raging discussions, explanations, elaborations, briefing & all, for the common men of India one very serious doubt remains : whether ‘ISI’ is Indian or Pakistani ?!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Law, Parda, Social Evil, Sun Film & Common Man's Privacy!


“Privacy is the most cherished thing in any man's (woman's too!) life!”

“When the safety & privacy of persons can not be guaranteed & they are always compromised by the ‘System Existing’, then the person has to do something for his/her privacy, himself/herself!”

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Privacy has always been one of the Hottest Topics, which is discussed all over the world, all the time, all these years! Pro privacy activists all over the world are even ready to go for the Third World War in order to protect their most precious property in life – Privacy!

But, the law makers all over the world have always been against it all these decades of Privacy Awakening! They never liked the Idea Of Privacy, ever; and, they only supported & cared for their own privacy which they KNEW was a lot much more than what the ordinary mortals have or supposed to have in their lives! They never tolerated the so called Privacy Sort Of Things in the ordinary mortal’s life & they made it a point that all the laws they make in their Law Making Machines MUST adhere to this basic principle of theirs!

Hence, they made laws by which they could TAP anyone’s –which means EVERYONE’s!- phone, anytime, in order to protect the nation from a very small number of run of the mill Hooligans; they could barge into anyone’s (Common Man’s!) bed room any time to verify whether any ‘illegal activity’ is going on or not; they could hold anyone (Common Man, again!) under custody without ever registering the arrest for as long as they wish to verify whether he or she is the King or Queen Pin in the Glacier Melting Tragedy, which is happening all over the world; they could hack into any email – read, every e mail!- in the name of protecting the nation from the future terrorists in the 2050s –A ‘Time Cop’ Style Gymnastics!-  etc! But, the thing one (The Stupid Common Man!) always fails to understand is that despite doing all these Privacy Busting Activities (PBAs!), the crime rate in India is going up  alarmingly, unstopped!

Hence, what about the enactment of law which imposes Open Toilets - which can make sure that the excreta of each man/women doesn't contain the gold chain & other things such as diamonds etc swallowed after the jewellery shop heist & the drug packets stored in the abdomen by swallowing by the drug cartels etc?!

What about the enactment of law which imposes Open Bedrooms - which can make sure that no extramarital sexual inter course is taking place & no under aged is involved in the sexual acts in the country and, ofcourse, all the standards of the Moral Police are strictly followed to the last alphabet etc?!

What about the enactment of law which imposes ‘Open’ Pardas - which can make 'the enticing beauty' (Parda saves most of the wearers from the vagaries of Public Attention & The Scrutinising Scanning Of The Lewd Onlooker doesn’t stand a chance in front of the Privacy Hating Law is another matter!) of the wearer visible to every one that 'No Secret Beauty' escapes the all seeing eyes of law, as wearing a Parda can be termed Legally a Social Evil by the Arduously Privacy Hating Law & Law Makers?!

What about the enactment of law which imposes ‘Open’ bank accounts and bank vaults - which can make sure that NO BLACK MONEY is in the accounts & vaults (And, if some is found in the accounts or vaults, by chance, the 'Black' can be 'peeled off' & can be made transparent at the exchequer's/poor common men of India's expense!) & every thing is transparent?! The law can also make the internet accounts & pass words, social security numbers, PAN numbers, pass port details & all other data etc 'OPEN' & Transparent 24/7 that no secrecy shall ever grow in this ‘Secretless’ Country!

Cooling glasses (Specs With ‘Cooling Film’ On Them!) should also be banned by the law that the eyes of the murderers, rapists, robbers & other villains come in the open! No One Dares To Ask “What of some of the southern politicians who wear cooling glasses?!”, “Will the 'cooling' of their glasses be peeled off at the expense of the exchequer/poor common men of India?!” etc in the open!

The jewellery shops, high cost item stores, apparel stores & all other sorts of stores should keep their shutters, windows  & doors 'OPEN' all the day & night that anyone can see inside at any given moment- if one wishes that way!- & be rest assured no 'Black' things are happening in all these places & every thing is ‘Lawfully Transparent'! And, if ever one finds something 'Black' (Including Black Stones in the jewellery shops & rice, dal etc!) 'IT' can be 'Peeled Off' & made transparent the very moment the ‘Blackness’ is seen by the Law Abiding Law Enforcement Authorities!

People should be made to sleep in the open that they don’t/wont ever have 'Secret & Private Dreams' that the Law Enacting & Law Enforcing Agencies don’t want & tolerate; they should bathe in the open & walk naked in the open that they should not have something secretive [Like the ‘dreadfully deadly’ pocket knifes, pattern tanks, nuclear bombs, torpedoes, belt bombs, inter continental ballistic missiles (ICBMs) etc – A La ‘Mask’ Style!] hidden on their body -under the secretive cover of their cloths-which the Law Enacting & Enforcing Agencies seldom like!

The electric wires SHOULD BE STRIPPED of their 'COVERING' as the Law Hawks have found out, with all the sorts of scientific research & all, that there is a great chance of the electricity getting transported 'Under The Cover' into the black market and as they can not peel off the 'Black' of the Black Market they should, at the least, peel off the electric wires with the help of law!

All the motor vehicles in India (No agreement has been reached on the cases of Air Planes, Ships & Trains, among the law makers, yet!) should be made 'Lawfully Open' that no other part should be there on the vehicles other than the chassis & motor; lest they can be used (Under 'The Cover' They Have!) for transporting illegal, black (Oil & other things which have a tinge or two of ‘Black’ are excluded in the law as they can be considered ‘Z’ category items, which never ever comes under the law for the common people!) & non transparent things & materials such as Evil Human Minds, Hatred, Communal Violence, Greed etc!

As we all -common people – know in our minds & souls, it is for the security of the people –read common man!- the Law Enacting & Enforcing agencies doing these kinds of things, and they peel off the cooling film of the motor vehicle ONLY because they are sure in every moving car a criminal is moving & all the motor vehicles in India are used ‘ONLY’ to transport the dead body of the murdered, the booty from the billion dollar worth heists (which makes the black money hoarders abroad shy by miles etc!), the kidnapped etc & for the 'Black' acts like running away from the crime scene, elopement of the 'Always Under Aged', having unlawful, extra marital & under aged sexual intercourse in the back seats, transportation of drugs, criminals & terrorists etc etc!

Let’s hope and wait for a Transparent, ‘Black’ less, , ‘Social Evil’ less & Peeled Off India to emerge from these great works of the Indian Law Makers & Law Definers!


The Latest From The Evil Forums Of India:
As all the motor vehicles in India are to be peeled off the cool film on them, as it ‘SURELY’ is a ‘SOCIAL EVIL’ (THE ONLY SOCIAL EVIL EXISTING IN INDIA!), as stated by the Highest Court Of India,  the All India Terrorists’, Murderers’, Kidnappers’, Rapists’, Dead Body Dumpers’, Robbers’ & All Other Evil Doers’ Associations have  called for a nation wide Bandh on a number of days such as All Killers’ Day, All Rapists’ Day, All Kidnappers’ Day, ‘All Terrorists’ Day, All Dead Body Dumpers’ Day etc to mark their protest against the HUGE injustice done to them!

And, they all have ‘SECRETLY’ decided that all their future executions of plans will hence forth be BIKE BORNE, as, at present, the All Covering Helmet is NOT considered (Luckily for the ‘Social Evil’ Sector!) a Social Evil, at all! And, if  some stupid raises this issue of ‘Serious Security Threat’ Due To Wearing The Helmet in ‘The Appropriate Forums’, it would take another millennium for the Security Worried Efficient Government Machinery to carry out an absolute ban on the helmet or force an ‘OPEN HELMET’ (Which will be always ‘OPEN’ from all the sides!) on the biker!!