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Monday, May 25, 2009

Irresponsibility Thy Name Is Indian!

Way back, in the very first part of the eighties when Union Carbide in Bhopal killed hundreds of people and damaged thousands of lives, condolences poured in from various parts of the world; only condolences came in truck loads, nothing else! People were left alone to fight against the multinational company on their own with their extremely meagre resources and after a decade or so they got droplets of money for the lives lost and the great suffering they had and the war they waged all those years, whipping out what they had earned in their entire life time! For the company & the powers that be it was nothing but just an accident; nothing more than that! It could have been an extremely different story if this same thing had happened in any of the so called developed countries!

When the answer sheets of a group of students who appeared for their degree exams disappeared into thin air -so it is told!- and they were frequenting the corridors of the university a million times to have their problem rectified that they can move forward, no living soul in the university was in the know of the things and no one was responsible for their disappeared answer papers; the students visited the university premises daily as if it was their uncle's house! Everyday they went into the university premises their University Uncle told them to come the very next day as to get their problem solved; it took only a couple of weeks for these hapless students to learn that the University Uncle was well versed in Puranas as Lord Ganapathi learned his father's (Lord Shiva) written promise that "Your Marriage Will Be Solemnised TOMMORROW!" is never going to be fulfilled as the written promise says his marriage will be solemnised TOMMORROW and each day he went to his father carrying this written promise, his father will read aloud the written promise he had given to his son and ask him to come TOMMORROW, as it was when, in the WRITTEN PROMISE, Lord Ganapathi's marriage was PROMISED TO BE SOLMENISED!

The man who had an operation to be performed on his left thigh went into the operation theatre fully loaded and came back with one of his kidneys removed and his right eye operated upon for the removal of (a non-existent!) cataract! The hospital termed it just a mistake after the man complained about some urinal & eye problems and visited another hospital, after a month or so after the operation, to find out to his utter shock that he was robbed of his kidney and his eye sight may never return! The hospital then termed it as a Simple Mistake by which the doctor who operated upon him took him for another patient and did what was to be for "The Other Patient!" After all, according to the hospital, the operation was successful and the charge they squeezed out of the patient for the wrong operation too was quite agreeable! And, according to the hospital sources, a person can comfortably live with one kidney; and living with a kidney-less is not going to have any impact on the patient! And the Very Considerate & Good Samaritan Hospital gave him a Booklet Free in a well attended & well publicised ceremony which had a humanitarian title which read "Living With A Single Kidney With The Other One Lost In An Accidental Operation!"

When the train, scheduled to arrive at 8.30 in the evening, arrived one & a half hours late, little did he know that the EFFICIENCY & SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY of Somebody in the Indian Railways, who "Thoroughly Calculated To Delay Signal For His Particular Train, A Couple Of Times", would cost him his life, as he was shot dead in the middle of the city "BY SOME UNIDENTIFIED PEOPLE", who presumed in his bag he was carrying something very valuable, where actually was a couple of his dress & a couple of magazines & books! Making passengers get down at the stations, at UNSAFE HOURS, when the arrival time is scheduled & announced to be SAFE HOURS, is never considered to be a problem of any serious nature. The death of that passenger & the like things can not & never should be blamed on the train arriving late, the well calculating signal men, the lack of security for the common people and the other sorts of things that are too common to be mentioned! After all how can one BLAME THE KILLING OUTSIDE THE RAILWAY PREMISES IN BANGALORE ON THE WELL INTENDED & WELL CALCULATING & HUGELY EFFICIENT SIGNAL MAN AT THE COIMBATORE, ERODE & SALEM STATIONS?! The killing is definitely OUT OF THEIR JURISDICTION! What about the hundreds of other travellers who save their skins by the skin of their teeth, fighting the Evil Auto Wallahs (Auto Drivers) and the Anti Social Elements, SOMEHOW REACH THEIR DESTINATIONS, AT UNSAFE HOURS, AFTER ALIGHTING FROM THEIR SAFE-HOURLY SCHEDULED TRAINS?! Is there anybody RESPONSIBLE for all these things? "A VERY BIG NO" is the INDIAN ANSWER to this STUPID QUESTION!!!

'The Monsoon was Termed a Killer' as the poor man around his YOUTHFUL SIXTY coming after his duty in the night, around 7.30pm, on his scooter, at the Whirl Wind Speed of 30-40 Kilometres an Hour, fell into a water filled trench which was full of water due to Monsoon, and got drowned! The extremely intelligent police (PINPOINTEDLY & HAIR-SPLITTINGLY ACCURATELY!) suspected that he might have LOST CONTROL of his vehicle (Who Might Not Have Lost Control When One Is Riding A Scooter In A Monsoon Season At A Speed of 30-40 Kilometre an Hour and is Aged 60?!) after slipping on the mud removed from the pit and fallen into the water logged drain! Though the Well Efficient Bruhat Bangalore Mahanagara Palike (BBMP)’s “SIMPLE NEGLIGENCE" was there, as it was the BBMP which had dug the trench and left it uncovered, it was the Monsoon which is and is to be blamed for the murder, as it is the Monsoon which filled the uncovered trench with water that caused the death! The lost life was mourned by the bereaved family as the open trench was kept / remained open, waiting for other hapless victims!

The police nabbed the persons who killed the merchant, in a couple of days after the murder, and PROVED THEIR EFFICIENCY & SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY; they also got the better off the gang, which stole bikes regularly from the metro and sold creating fake documents for years; though these people were known to have stolen hundreds of bikes, only five were recovered by the police; and the owners were yet to come forward! EVERYONE IS PROUD OF & IMPRESSED BY THE EFFICIENCY & SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY OF OUR POLICE! But this same efficient police failed to nab the culprit who stole the THIRUVABHARANAM (DIVINE ORNAMENT!) from a very famous temple, in South India; they also failed to find who stole the MAIN IDOL from another famous temple, in South India! In the last two cases the ALL EFFICIENT POLICE FAILED ONLY BECAUSE IF THEY NABBED A PERSON BLAMING THAT THE PARTICULAR PERSON STOLE ONE OF THE TWO OBJECTS JUST MENTIONED ABOVE, THEY HAD TO RECOVER THE STATED THING, WHICH IS POSSIBLE ONLY WHEN THE STOLEN OBJECT IS CAPTURED FROM THE STEALER! And, one has to remember that IN THE CASE OF MURDER IT IS NOT NECESSARY THAT THE DEAD PERSON IDENTIFY HIS OR HER KILLER, AS DEAD BODIES SELDOM SPEAK! Hence, EFFICIENCY & SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY IS HEAVILY DEPENDENT ON CERTAIN CRIMES ONLY!! Oh What An EFFICIENCY & SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY!!

When he bought the cola from the shop little did he think that it will be an advertisement for Family Planning! When he uncorked the bottle and had a couple of sips from the all energising drink he never even dreamed that the next thing which will come near his lips would be something which is seen in totally different terrains! To his shock he found a "CONDOM" in his Energy Drink! "What a Cool Idea!", "What Creativity!", "Really Wonderful Experience!".....All these things he never thought! He felt like vomiting! He Never Suspected that Ad Guys Had Gone This Innovative! "May be this ad is targeting cola drinking youth!", some one suggested! "It is ‘For A Cola A Condom Free’ Marketing Strategy!” commented another expert! He wondered if all these sayings are true, why should he have PURE DIRT in the bottom of the second bottle of cola he purchased!?! The company must have acknowledged that it was a Simple Mistake from their part or an accident, as IT IS FROM CONDOMS & DIRT COLAS ARE MADE; forget about the TOXIC ITEMS AUTHORITIES FOUND & UNFOUND IN THE EARLIER VERSIONS OF COLAS!

It took only 22 years to get “a Finished Verdict” in that particular case, where his neighbour encroached upon 5 feet of his land, next to the Mango Tree, near his kitchen! He started the legal battle to get justice when his only son was just born; as he didn’t have enough money to fight legally against his wealthy neighbour who encroached upon his land, he borrowed money from a money lender and started his battle against the injustice & hooliganism done against him! Little did he expect that what would be ensuing would be something which would last till his son grew up to finish his Master’s in Chemistry and something which would put him back by SOME LAKHS OF INDIAN CURRENCY! But, before all these things came The Stay Order, which proclaimed that STATUS QUO should be maintained on the DISPUTED TERRITORY, which literally made HIS OWN LAND INACCESSIBLE TO HIM FOR A LOT OF YEARS TO COME! The case got postponed or extended for one reason or the other for a lot of years and then it went, at regular intervals, from one court to the higher ones! He was relieved when he got the Final Judgement in 22 years, when there were thousands of cases pending, even after 25 or 30 years of fierce legal battles; he also learned happily that he got his Final Judgement, when there were MORE THAN 3 CRORES OF CASES PENDING in various courts, all over India! He learned that there were cases, thousands of them, which were closed when the parties who were contesting passed away due to illness related to old age and some cases got settled out of the court as the non-existent members of the warring parties, who were not there when the cases began, took birth, grew up, fell in love and got married to each other! Though he was relieved, he thought whether the saying “Justice delayed Is Justice denied!” is significant in India or not, as it seemed EVEN JUSTICE DELAYED BY DECADES SEEMED RESPONSIBILTY & EFFICIENCY PERSONIFIED, IN INDIA!

With the strength of the medical policy his company had given him, he got himself admitted to a very famous hospital which was on the list of hospitals recommended by his medical policy, when he failed to stop dysentery, most probably due to food poisoning! They had checks & re-checks & re-rechecks that they identify the problem! They asked him to keep himself there for further tests and elongate his stay there that they help him out of his problem; as it was the policy which was footing the bill he obeyed obediently! The doctor, after a couple of days, told him that he suspected the BAAL TB (TB affecting children) HE HAD BEFORE THE AGE OF FIVE might be creating problems, though now he was 28! The doctor asked for some more tests that he could be 100% sure what this BAAL TB was doing there! After 15 days' of tests, re tests, analysis and all other sorts of things he exited from the hospital, relived of his illness, re assured by the doctor that he had no traces of BAAL TB he had when he was barely five years old, emaciated but with a strong will to fight BAAL TB if it comes back, with his policy footing the 40000/- hospital bill! As advised by the doctor he took a 15 day rest, as well, to rejuvenate himself! But, when he returned to his company it was not interested in him, as he had more than one month's absence to his credit! Citing the weight loss, though he weighed more than what he weighed when he joined the company for the first time, he was kept out of work & pay, which made him quit the job with no alternate option! Anyway, he was thankful to the GOOD DOCTOR, who PAINSTAKINGLY SPENT 15 DAYS FOR HIM to ascertain that there were no traces of BAAL TB in him!!!

We, in India, have an extremely large number of persons, teachers, psephologists, astrologists, institutions, departments, companies, stores, hospitals, universities, governments & what not, which do certain things (most of the things!) which SPOIL or DESTROY EDUCATION, CAREER, HEALTH, WEALTH, ENVIRONMENT, LIFE, THE FUTURE OF THE HUMAN PERSON and what not with never having any responsibility and do whatever they like with impunity! No one or nobody is ever held responsible for the sorts of above mentioned acts of crime, as all these crimes against human beings are seen and considered in lighter vein! They seldom get mentioned; and if mentioned at all, the perpetrators will escape with little damage to their person or status and KEEP DOING WHAT THEY ALL HAVE BEEN "DOING IRRESPONSIBLY" ALL THESE YEARS! LET US BUILD OR KEEP BUILDING A THOROUGHLY IRRESPONSIBLE INDIA! LET’S CONTRIBUTE OUR MITE TO THE BUILDING OF A MIGHTY IRRESPONSIBLE INDIA!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

His Master’s Voice – Legally!


The man hacked  his neighbour to death and buried him under a Banyan tree; the other fellow kicked his friend out of his life and ran away for cover with police close at his heels; the fisherman kidnapped the other person's daughter, to have a kid with her as he could not give a kid to his wife; the butcher butchered the person who came to his house regularly, as he was suspicious of an illicit relationship going on between him and his wife; the man poured boiled water onto the plants his neighbour was growing, secretly in the nights, as his wife didn’t like plants & greenery on the other side of the fence; the wife arranged an exorcist to exorcise the evil in the house and the exorcist cleaned the house worth lacks of rupees and disappeared from the scene, applying  chloroform on the participants; the man stopped talking to his mother and treated her as a street wench and never greeted her as his wife was never in comfort with her mother-in-law; he started to drink regularly and come home & shout at his neighbours, from the roof tops, as his wife liked her husband bullying her hapless neighbours; he killed his paramour's husband as she (BIBI/WIFE of the killed person!) didn’t like him & wanted him to be killed!

 

All this above mentioned things happened thanks to the orders or the wishes of the all knowing & extremely logical wives of people, who were either participants or supporters of their wives’ good & educated wishes; and, all these men knew, it is Underneath Their Wives' Feet Their Heaven Lies! All this because, they perfectly understood without their wives' wishes being given, they can not breath oxygen on the surface of our mother Earth! They also understood that they have to jump into Mariana Trench unprotected if one's wife asks so or try to hit a running train off it's tracks with one's head, if one's wife demands so! One also knows that one has to fetch the flower KALYANA SOUGANDHIGAM somehow, if one's wife is bent on having one, come what may; one has the story of the MIGHTY BHIMA going to bring the same as and when asked by a very feminine Draupathi, deeply written inside one’s mind! And, not to forget, one's wife tells the story a million times a day to remind one of his DUTIES TO HER! And one is SO LOYAL to her that he never forgets it is under HER ALL KNOWING FEET HIS HEAVEN IS!

 

Hence, it came as no surprise to all these above mentioned people & the millions like them when the Apex Court declared "Bibi joh boltee hai woh suno (Listen to whatever your wife says) as otherwise it could land you in trouble. Because, if you do not listen to her, you will suffer the consequences" & "If your wife asks you to put your face that side, put it that side. If she says, put it this side, then put it this side. Otherwise you will face trouble. HUM SAB BHOGI HAIN (We are all sufferers!)".  The wives all over India welcomed whole heartedly the statement from the vacation bench & they once again made their Loyal Husbands remember that it is What They Say They have To Do & Nothing Else or Else Be Ready To Suffer As It Is Legal Now That If The Husband Do Not Follow The Order/Rule of The Wife Word by Word, It is Destined that He Suffer 24/7 & The Wife Has The Right To Make The Husband Suffer, That The Hell Itself Become Ashamed!

 

Hence, from now onwards it is legalised that one can do anything one likes to do and blame it on one's wife that even if  what is done is a serious crime, one can go scot free as & if it is the will of one's wife! All should non-sensibly execute whatever their wife or wife-to-be says and attain Nirvana! Because, according to those in the thick of the matter or we call knowledgeable people, it is unconditional, insensible & illogical subjugation to their women folk that is the secret of BLISS or NIRVANA or HEAVEN! "Yes we know it is the Ultimate Truth!” that is what each and every man says all over India! One will seriously doubt whether the Judge or Judges who proclaimed these things were saying or presenting WHAT THEIR WIVES SHOULD HAVE ASKED THEM TO SAY OR PROCLAIM, as who will SAY NO to DIVINE INTERVENTIONS and WHO CAN? And, one must know pretty well what will happen if one dare to disobey one’s JUDICIALLY UNTRAINED WIFE!! As we mortals always strive for HEAVEN & not HELL after this life, doing Poojas & saying our Prayers regularly, how can we create Hell in our lives while we are alive, as achieving BLISS or HEAVEN is as simple as dancing to the tune of one's wife!