HIS GAS MAJESTY'S PROOFS AND THE PROOFLESS BOXES OF HIS GASDOM !

Only when the Food & Civil Supplies minister of Karnataka announced – In the Month of September or October 2011!- over the media that the verification of all the documents submitted by the GAS OWNERS  –THE GAS COMMON MEN!- was done, the wily gas distributors all over the state restarted to give the supplies to the Gas Common Man again! Our document submission was done, either in the month of July or August as per the news paper announced requirements, to OUR GAS AGENCY –Which Is ‘Sri Rama (Gas) Agency’, all these last 7 Years!- which put PROOFLESS CARD BOARD BOXES infront of the gas agency's veranda in those Document Collection Days of 2011, to collect the Required Documents Prooflessly from the Gas Common Man!

When, at the time of submission of the so called required documents, -In the month of July or August, 2011- we asked for the bill stating the reception of the documents, the stingy looking lady at the counter –There were more than a couple of miserly looking ladies @ the counter, then!- made faces & just waved & said "Just Put Them In The Proofless Cardboard Boxes arranged in the veranda!”, that they could MAKE ALL THE PROOFS OF SUBMISSION VANISH whenever they wanted to do it! She was saying it as if she were talking to some street urchins who came infront of her BEGGING FOR SOME OF HER FAMILY HELD GAS! When we repeated our request for the PROOF again she made faces & started to talk to the other STREET URCHINS WHO CAME THERE ASKING FOR HER FAMILY HELD GAS!

When our gas cylinder got finished on 9th of November 2011, we made the booking via IVR on the same day, which was WELL AFTER the Civil Supply’s Minister's announcement of the completion of the verification process of all the submitted documents & the declaration, all over the media, that almost 2 lakh customers were suspended from the gas supply list due to non submission of the required documents! We got our cylinder delivered on 12th of the same month -November 2011!

When on 16th of March 2012 - Just over 4 months after the gas cylinder was delivered in November 2011!- our gas cylinder got finished, we called the IVR again @ 3.09pm spending 1 minute & 28 seconds and got the response that the IVR was not in a position to register our booking with a suggestion that we contact ‘Our’ Gas Agency!

We called the gas agency over the phone two times, the last call being placed @ 3.13pm or so! Both the times THE RESPONSIBLE GAS PEOPLE didn’t pick up the phone as they must be in a very tight schedule trying to sort out the problems of the Gas Common Man! And, when we called them again @ 3.15 we got the engaged tone, as we knew pretty well that they must have kept the phone outside the cradle to help some GAS COMMON MAN! As we were well familiar with THESE EARNEST GAS PROBLEM SOLVERS - as we had 4 or so years back gone personally there & had a heated exchange of words with them on the non response or non picking up of the phone (when we reached at the Gas Agency -4 Years Back, the receiver of the EARNEST GAS AGENCY TELEPHONE was kept on the table top, where it had been resting for all the 40 or so minutes we had been trying to get connected to these CERTIFIED GAS PEOPLE)-  we went direct to the gas agency where we were told to submit the documents again!

We started to have a heated argument with the GAS LADY @ the desk, as she told us that we had not submitted the Required Documents! We asked “How Many Times One Has To Submit ‘The So Called Required Documents’?!" at the top of our voice! Then, the Gas Lady told that as our documents were not submitted they were not verified & hence, we got to submit them (AGAIN)! When we argued that we got our cylinder via IVR in the month of November 2011 -Enough proof that we had submitted our documents & our submitted documents were verified! - the Counter Gas Lady countered saying  that we got to submit all of them again! Then, to my repeated question "How many times we got to submit the documents?!" she replied grudgingly that it was better we talk to the ALL KNOWING MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE, THE GAS MANAGER inside!

We went inside & saw the GAS MANAGER sitting there, having a sort of an argument with ONE GAS COMMON MAN, who was talking, irritated, about the GAS ILL TREATMENT he got from these Official Gas People; when we reached near the table of the OFFICIAL GAS MANAGER the GAS COMMON MAN mumbled something and resigning to his GAS FATE went out side! The Gas Manager sat there as if he was talking about the Fukushima Nuclear Disaster & trying to find a GAS SOLUTION for the human suffering there in Japan with someone subordinate who was sitting left to him! He continued talking despite our arrival & when we WISHED HIS GAS HIGHNESS'S ATTENTION, grudgingly he turned to us in disgust as if we, the GAS MORTALS, made him deviate from the VERY SERIOUS FUKUSHIMA TOPIC, which ONLY he could have solved!

 When told about our problem he mumbled that we need to submit the documents (Again!) as we hadn't submitted them –In His Gas Majesty’s Grand Opinion!- and we had been given 3 months’ time TO RESPOND –“From When?” & “To What Should We Respond?!” I asked to which The Gas Majesty never replied!- & we never responded, our Gas Connection stands disconnected! Listening to this stupid & insensible blabbing of the GAS MANAGER, which he kept repeating, I argued vociferously that we had submitted our documents & ONLY BECAUSE THEY WERE SUBMITTED & VERIFIED WE GOT OUR CYLINDER REFILLED IN THE MONTH OF NOVEMBER, 2011!

Then, the GAS MANAGER asked us "What Proof We Had For The Submission Of Our Documents?!" The moron looking guy repeated "What Proof you have which says that you have submitted the documents?!" He also INFORMED US that it was ‘Our Constitutional Duty’ to collect ‘the Proof Of Document Submission’, as he was more than well aware that THESE GAS MORONS NEVER GAVE GAS PROOFS for anything they do! Listening & talking to these GAS DICTATORS we sometimes seriously doubt whether they were trained by Mossad or KGB of yesteryears to eliminate all the proofs of their doing, well before they take up any position in any of the gas agencies in Karnataka!

I repeatedly told HIS GAS MAJESTY that when we submitted the documents we asked for the PROOF & we were told that we need only put what all documents we had with us into the PROOFLESS BOXES put in the veranda of THESE PROOFLESS PEOPLE! I harshly told him that we didn’t put the documents, which were stated to be used to MAKE GAS PROOF, in the box put in the veranda of the BAR which was almost opposite to this PROOF ELIMINATING PEOPLE, or the waste box put inside the KSRTC bus depot, as according to the newspaper & other reports we –The Gas Common Men of Karnataka!- were asked to submit them to THESE PROOFLESS & PROOF ELIMINATING GAS CON MEN!

HE WAS PROOFLESSLY LAUGHING AT US WHEN HE ASKED FOR ‘THE PROOF OF THE DOCUMENT SUBMISSION’ WHICH NEITHER HE NOR HIS GAS SUBORDINATES EVER GAVE TO ANY GAS COMMONER BODY IN HIS GAS KINGDOM! And, he reminded us, a number of times that it was OUR DUTY to get the proof! I shouted back that if HIS DUTY TO GIVE PROOF IS NOT DONE, EVEN AFTER ASKING, THEN HOW WILL I FULFILL MY CONSTITUTIONAL DUTY OF GETTING THE GAS PROOF?!

The stupid looking man was full of his own stupidity that he said that we had to go to the food & civil supplies department if we needed to get the gas proof! He seemed to imply well that if they too don’t give any proof of the submission of the documents for GAS VERIFICATION IN KARNATAKA then we –The Representatives Of The Gas Common Man- can go to the Union Food Ministry in Delhi, the Supreme Court, the Prime Minister’s Office, the International Court of Justice in Hague & United Nations (UN!), in that order!

Who Do You Think DID ALL THIS!

The scream "I Made My Family Disappear!" from the movie 'Home Alone' can never be forgotten by anyone who watched the movie! It was a wonderful scream from the small home alone boy who thought that he was able to make his family disappear by simply wishing for it! But, when it dawns on him that it was not him who made the family disappear & actually it was the family which mistakenly left him behind when they went away for a long trip, the whole story gets a twist, at the least in the screaming boy's mind!

That is a wonderful situation which can be compared to what is happening in Utter Pradesh (U.P) after the election results have been declared in favour of Samajwadi Party of Mulayam Sing Yadav! In a similar situation a character from Basheer's 'Ente Uppuuppakyoru Anendayirunnu' (My Great Grand Father Had An Elephant!) Ettukali Mammuunju (Eight-legged Mammuunju!) brags with all the pretentions he could cough up that the Responsible for the pregnancy of ‘Mana’kkale Ammini (Ammini -a female name in Kerala!- of a Brahmin Lord's House-Mana!) was none other than the mighty HE HIMSELF, without knowing that ‘Mana’kkale Ammini actually was an elephant owned by the Brahmin Lord etc! When he too, as was the case with the screaming boy of Home Alone, understands that Ammini was a female elephant & not, as he presumed, a coy maiden in the Brahmin Lord’s house, the character vanishes into thin air!

When Samajwadi party emerged victorious by light years in the hardly fought elections of UP, various Muslim leaders & Muslim writers & those who have a pro Muslim inclination started to write, speak, demonstrate etc through whatever medium they had at their disposal about the Sole Significant Thing which helped the Samajwadi Party win the elections effortlessly - The Unified Muslim Vote! One wonders whether there is a unified Muslim Vote in India or not!

They ‘arrange’ statistical evidences with charts & graphs to prove that what they say is the ultimate truth about the UP Elections, from where the Samajwadi Party emerged victorious! Everyone including those who swears by statistics knows that 'One Can Prove Anything With Statistics!' And, it is not an innovative thing to claim oneself as the only one responsible for the victory; as even a child does that to get the favours from the 'powers that be'!

The benefit behind all these fool hardy facade is that 'the Projected One' will become 'the Responsible One' after a couple of PR Stunts, Media Blahblah, Pseudo Intellectual Discussions, Paid Articles, Paid Secular Analysis, Paid Surrogate News etc! This technique works on the basic principle that 'A Lie Told A Million Times Becomes A Truth' etc! Hence, it becomes the duty of the persons who wish to prove their illogical point to make the maximum noise in the minimum period of time!

This trick of claiming the Whole Responsibility For All The Success Achieved has worked perfectly for those who use it time & again a lot of times in Our Secular India that the political parties always try to SUGAR UP the CRUCIAL SECULAR MUSLIM VOTES before, amid & after every Secular Poll conducted in India! They always offer Secular Religious Incentives, competing with each other, taking money out of the public coffers! They offer Secular Religious Benefits Based On Religion, In The Name Of Secularism! They take the secular money of the Indians & use it for the welfare of secular religious communities in the name of secularism!

It has been going on for decades, this ‘sugaring up’ of Muslim Minority Votes in the name of secularism! One wonders what Secularism is there in India! If the Muslim Vote is the deciding factor in the UP polls then why should the others like the so called majority Hindus go & vote; it is always better for them to stay inside the safety of their homes, instead of risking their lives voting in such a so called notoriously criminal state UP, as every time the sole reason behind the election victory of any political party in UP is always the Secular Muslim Vote! As usual, the So Called Non Secular Majority Hindus never utter a word of complaint as they are completely blacked & blackened out from the media, information charters, secular talks, secular debates, secular presentation of things etc!

They know perfectly well that they don’t exist in the Secular ‘Scheme’ Of Things in the Religiously Secular India!  And, the Secular Minority always carries their Secular Booty -which is regularly offered & given by the Indian Religious Secularists, using the Secular Money given by the Secular Common Man of Religiously Secular India! - home in trucks & heavy carrier wagons after every election while the Majority Non Secular Hindus stand by the way side, hoping for a new dawn where at the least they will be considered equal to those who have the luxury of getting themselves named Secularly Religious Minority!

It is a wonderful experience to have GIFTS in the forms of More Religious Minority Reservation in all the Secular Departments Of Secular India etc from whichever party that comes into power as it is TRUMPETED 24/7 & MADE KNOWN TO WHOM SO EVER IT MAY CONCERN THAT IF THERE IS A POLL VICTORY THAT IS ONLY BECAUSE OF THE SECULAR MUSLIM VOTES, WHICH ALWAYS GET MAGICALLY CAST IN FAVOUR OF THE WINNING PARTY, SOMEHOW! Hence, in the next election, there will be more secular gifts, offers & minority religion based reservation coming in the Secular Religious Minority Way, as those who lost today’s battle –Ofcourse we can be 100% sure that these Religiously Secular Politicians have never read Basheer’s 'Ente Uppuuppakyoru Anendayirunnu' or watched the English movie ‘Home Alone’! - will definitely try to propitiate the Religious Minority Secular Gods in the next election, come what may (Judicial Bodies & Election Commission included!)! One always wonder whether the Majority Hindu & other votes are counted in UP at all, as they fall way behind the Secular Minority Vote Of UP, where ONLY THE SECULAR RELIGIOUS MINORITY VOTES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE COUNTED, REMEMBERED & TRUMPETED!

Never Was Secularism In India!

When we think of secularism & go after the word –SECULARISM! - we find out without even having a shade of doubt that, in India, it is a word invented by the post partition politicians who wished to have ‘Something Never Achievable’ to show the easily gullible people of India & move ahead to PROFIT ONESELF, ETERNALLY!

When we move further in search after the word – Secularism! – we come to the final & shocking conclusion that, in actuality, there was nothing like Secularism ever existed in India, from ancient times! Till Independence we, the Indians, never heard of it! Then, from where did this word CREEP into Indian Life, after the so called Independence?! It was something which was CREATED in the illusory belief that it will make vanish the numberless tumultuous problems which came into existence by the time of partition! Partition itself was one of the huge & vexing problems which the political leadership of that time failed to have any grasp on! Even Gandhi failed to see & understand it – Partition – coming!

It became the sole duty of the wily politician to describe what Secularism is, in Indian Life, in post independent India! Later on, somewhere along the way, the wily politician also allowed religious leaders to do the interpretation of the word Secularism! And, thus this Politician-Religious Leader Nexus became the sole proprietor & interpreter of the word Secularism in Post Independent India!  

Secularism in India has become Irresponsible Practice Of One's Religion In Whatever Way One Wishes To Do It! Secularism in India entitles anyone to have all the Secular Rights without ever having any of the Secular Responsibilities! Here, nobody is held responsible for whatever one does in the name of ‘Secularism that is the other word for Religion’ in Independent India! Here, in India, one can do anything & go scot free in the name of religion as False & Non Existent Secularism is the State God!

From ancient times, there were divisions & clashes between Hindus in India; they fought hard against one another taking the names such as Shivaites, Vaishnovites etc; the kings who were devout followers of Lord Vishnu attacked & destroyed Shiva temples & changed the defeated Shivaites into Vaishnovites & the Shivaites did the same when they were powerful enough to do things against the Vaishnovites! And, Brahmins always treated Buddhists as their eternal enemies & Buddhists never even recognised Brahmins! All this continued for centuries, which means there was Secularism flourishing in Bharath –Modern Day India!-  in those centuries or millennia!

Then in 1198, Muslim Invaders destroyed Nalanda & killed thousands of Buddhist Monks – Almost 10000 Burned Alive!- erasing invaluable things from the face of the earth & human history, In The Name Of Religion! The so called Cultural Biggies of India, The Moguls, discriminated against the Hindu majority & made their life insufferable with the Secular things like the religious tax Jessia etc! And, who can forget ‘the Hugely Religiously Secular’ Aurangzeb, who did GREAT THINGS TO ESTABLISH & MAINTAIN SECULARISM IN BHARATH?! Large scale ‘Secular Conversion’ too was initiated in Those Secular Days! Rajputs of Rajasthan were always at logger heads with the Secular Moguls due to the Muslim Secularism executed by the latter! The Great Marathas (Who came into prominence with Chatrapathi Shivaji) fought against the Moguls because of the latter’s Secular Credentials; the Brave Marathas also fought, tooth & nail, against Tippu of Mysore as Tippu was ‘the Monolith of Religious Secularism’!

But, ‘When Bharath became Independent India’ all these Secular Things Of Bharath got white washed & Secularism started to rule – A New & Non Existent Ruler! As Independent India stood naked at the midnight stroke of August 14, 1947, the Weavers of Secularism started to weave Secularism for a Naked & Independent India! They started to gather whatever valuable –whatever valuable were left over by the Greedy British!- they could get their hands on from the Secular Independent India to weave the cloak of Secularism! All these 64 years since Independence they have still been weaving the Wonderful Cloak of Secularism, taking all the valuable things the Indians possess! The Indians have been Ungrudging Givers, all these years, wishing arduously to dress India, which has been standing naked for all the 64 years post the so called independence!  

We, the So Called Secular Indians have been waiting eagerly to see the invaluable cloak of Secularism the Secular Cloak Weavers have been weaving all these 64 years! Crores of So Called Secular Indians have passed away waiting for this Secular Garb to be finished! But, till date it hasn’t got finished! It is heard that the cloak weavers are still working hard to finish it, taking whatever valuable is there in the Secular Indians’ coffers! The media have been talking about it all these years; the higher ups have been talking about it all these years; the politicians & the religious leaders have been talking great about it & the hard work spend on the weaving of the Cloak of Secularism, all these years!

All these people mentioned above have been talking volumes, non stop, about the great design of the cloak, incomparable material from which it is made, the jewels & rubies woven onto it, the dexterity of the weavers etc, all these years! It is heard that all these people, who regularly commented on the Great Secular Cloak In Progress, have been ceremoniously taken to the House Of The Secularism Weavers & The Great Unfinished Cloak Has Been Displayed, a number of times! There have also been a very large number of discussions going on the length & breadth of the country about the colour of the Secular Cloak, all these years! It is also heard that there was a union defence minister in UPA I who went all the way to identify the colour of Secularism & found out it was the colour of the Secular Pakistani Cricket Team - GREEN!

It is only the Common Man who hasn’t had any of the ideas about what’s going on in the Secular Weavers’ House! He doesn’t understand why the weavers take this long to finish the Cloak which they have been - as is stated time & again by the various official sources!- supposedly weaving taking everything from his pocket, all these years! He also doesn’t know what to do with all those who ceased to exist in Independent India, waiting to see this cloak when it is finished, despite they giving whatever valuable they had when they were alive - including their lives!

But, the Perennial Problem with the Common Man is that HE never read or even heard of Hans Christiansen’s World Famous Story ‘The Invisible Cloak Of The King’, where the king comes to know that he was walking among his people Completely Naked - thinking that he was wearing the most beautiful & grandest of the dresses ever woven in the world, duped by the wily & treacherous weavers, who decamped with whatever valuable things they wished to have from the king & his kingdom! - only when a child screams from the crowd that the KING WAS NAKED!  

The Dire Consequences of Living In India!

To the last, final & all deciding question “What is the most common thing available in India or which is universal in the secular & democratic India?!” the person who stole away the trophy in the national Quiz Competition answered, without even posing for a minute, “DIRE CONSEQUENCES”! It was the deciding answer which made sure he emerged winner of the National Quiz for a record 64th Time! 

We, in India, have to be assertive, as the management gurus say, by using the maximum number of 'Dire Consequences' in our daily life. If one seldom uses 'Dire Consequences' in one’s life, he will be considered pretty much less than competent in any given field! If any one is to be considered powerful & of any significance, one has to use 'Dire Consequences' at the least a million times daily in his life! All the powerful like the MPs, MLAs, Local Police Constables, Local Rowdies, EX Panchayath Members, Retired Goondas, Former Members of Local Smuggler Groups, The President of Petty Beggars & Criminals’ Confederation & the like MIGHTIES have to use 'Dire Consequences' quite often –And, they use it quite often, as well! - to SHOW THEIR CLASS, POWER, SIGNIFICANCE, INFLUENCE etc to the commoners!

When the Transport Appellate Tribunal Authority Judge Vidyadhara raised his voice against the Tumkur District MLA Suresh Gowda when the latter jumped the 'Q' at a toll booth he was threatened with 'Dire Consequences' by the LAWMAKER who didn’t know the Voice Raiser was a LAW INTERPRETER!

 When an Uttar Pradesh Law Maker's son Vivek Ahlawat thrashed a Russian architect Tatiana Butyaeva in Delhi & she registered a complaint she was flooded with SMSs & Phone Calles of 'Dire Consequences'! Poor Russian didn't know -of course before filling a complaint - that India is a land of 'Dire Consequences'! She didn’t even know that all the public telephone booths in India & millions of UNREGISTERED SIMs the mobile companies have sold, over the decade, are basically intended to make democratic & secular calls of 'Dire Consequences' & send SMSs with the same intent - 'Dire Consequences'!

When Professional Eve Teasing happens in public, in broad day light & a father, a mother or a somebody else lodges a complaint against it then he or she will definitely get truck loads of SMSs & Phone Calls, which will be full of 'Dire Consequences'!

If waste water is poured into your bed room thanks to your hygienic neighbour's Daily Flat Cleaning Ceremony & you raise your voice against it you can have SMSs, Phone Calls & Even Face To Face Confrontation With Your Hygienic Neighbour which will be full of 'Dire Consequences'!

When an Indian Oil Official blew the whistle he had to face the 'Dire Consequences' in the shape of loss of his own existence!

When the water mafia is taken to task by the army man, as happened in Bangalore a number of moths before, he will get enough SMSs & Phone Calls full of 'Dire Consequences', and sometimes a number of Physical Dire Consequences as well!

When a political party in Kerala is not interested in the existence of an educational institution as they deem it to be against their political philosophy the party can threaten the institution with ‘Dire Consequences’ & burn it down & then again resort to the basic ‘Dire Consequences’ if the management went ahead to register a complaint against the anti-social party perpetrators!

If the land mafia & land sharks are pulled up for lakhs of crores of Government Land Disappearance, then the whistle blower will get enough number of 'Dire Consequences' calls & SMSs and sometimes he will be BUMPED OFF with 'Dire Consequences'!

When one complaints against the arrogance, bad behaviour etc of the auto driver & the money he forcefully –most of the time, shouting at one in greatly obscene languages! – took from one –most of the times, almost double of the metered amount!-, the person who complained against the rowdy auto driver starts to get millions of phone calls & SMSs of 'Dire Consequences'!

 If someone whistles on the Qualitatively Decayed Food supplied in the various railway canteens & platform stalls, he or she will have to face 'Dire Consequences', as happened in Mumbai a couple of months ago!

 It is fine that we don't have a system in India to tackle the Universal Presence of 'Dire Consequences', in the Indian Life! Though the phone calls, SMSs etc with 'Dire Consequences' can be tracked or traced & taken into the evidence section nobody in India including the police force, who are ‘the almighty protectors of our legal system’ doesn’t care a rap for that as These Well Qualified People don’t know what can be done with those who Call & SMS people with 'Dire Consequences'! In their expert opinion, ‘Dire Consequences', as its been proven time & again, have to be faced & dealt with INDIVIDUALLY & PERSONALLY, without having any kind of support from anyBODY - governmental & non governmental bodies included! - in India! IT IS A CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT OF ANYONE or ANYBODY IN INDIA TO THREATEN ANYBODY WITH 'DIRE CONSEQUENCES' & TRY TO EXTRACT THE MAXIMUM OUT OF IT! 

Indians are even seriously thinking about starting Universities & Management Institutions all over India which will train people EXCLUSIVELY in the exclusive & efficient use of ‘Dire Consequences’ in one’s life & make them self sufficient in all the departments of ‘Dire Consequences’! They are also thinking seriously about introducing ‘Special Chairs in Dire Consequences’ in the various high quality training institutions of India like IIMs, IITs, IIScs etc! They are also planning on a 'Dire Consequences Research Centre' where 24/7 research will be conducted by the world class 'Dire Consequences Researchers'! It is also heard that a Yearly National Award –Which, in stature, will be equal to a Padmavibhushan, at the least! - will be given to the person who makes the most number of calls in which he sporadically applies 'Dire Consequences' & send most number of messages & SMSs threatening 'Dire Consequences' etc!

 It has to be well understood that Living In India means facing 'Dire Consequences', almost every second of one's existence! It is to be perfectly understood that Only those persons who are ready to face ‘DIRE CONSEQUENCES’ without ever uttering a word against it have the right to be Indian citizens & ONLY those will be provided with Ration Cards, Election ID Cards, Adhaars etc! All the others will be treated as NON INDIANS with no right, what so ever, in Our Secular & Democratic India!'Dire Consequences' are & have become a more integral part of India than Kashmir or Arunachal Pradesh is! Without these 'Dire Consequences' there is no democracy, secularism, culture, education etc in Modern India!

The Qualified In India!

FROM AUGUST 15, 1947 - OF COURSE, THAT IS WHEN INDIA BECAME RECORDICALLY INDEPENDENT FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER IN ITS 6000-7000 YEAR HISTORY!!- IN EVERY FIELD IN INDIA, ONLY ‘QUALIFIED PERSONS’ HAVE BEEN APPOINTED! At the least, that is one of the unalterable historical facts recorded in the Guinness Book Of World Records! 

These qualified persons, who got qualified crossing the qualifying marks brilliantly, have been gathered by the various Quality Gathering Committees or Groups like PSC, UPSC, Railway Recruitment Board, Educationally Qualified People’s (Users of T.T.C, BEd, MEd, NET, SET etc) User Groups, Bank Recruitment Quality Groups, Doctor (MBBS, MD, BDS etc) User Groups, Nurse User Groups, ITI User Groups, 'Microsoft Windows Learned People's' User Groups, 'Basic Lack Of Knowledge' Quality User Groups, 'Basic Lack Of Sense' Quality User Groups, 'Quality Rowdy' User Groups (The Poor & Healthy Banks' Arm Twister Groups etc are the quality examples!), 'Quality Cheaters' & Liars' User Groups (The Quality Politician Groups etc are the quality examples!) Lawyer User Groups, Judge User groups etc! The Various Quality Gathering Committees & Groups have been working overtime, since August 1947, to GATHER THE QUALITY QUALIFYIERS FROM VARIOUS QUALIFYING FIELDS to place them in the various quality departments of our democracy! 

And, it worked! India became an extremely quality conscious democratic country where everything is nothing but quality in million quality forms! The nation progressed beyond any of the wildest of the imaginations Alice had in her wonderland! It was a ‘Qualified Democratic Dream’ come true! The schools, colleges, universities & the other education institutions run by the Respective Quality Governments, using the money from the quality tax payers & the expertise of the selected qualified persons, performed like a well oiled machine, belting out the quality results all over India! 

Students came out of the millions of Qualified Indian Educational Institutions, night & day, qualitatively fit for the 'Indian Industries' & ‘Indian Life’, which all collected the well qualified persons from the educational institutions into its all quality embracing folds! Persons completing SSLC successfully had some chances, in the qualified earlier days, to get into Qualified Postal Department, Qualified Telecom Sector etc where quality & efficiency were of the highest order - it is the same Qualified Quality & Efficiency Indians HAVE BEEN EXPERIENCING NON STOP TILL DATE FROM THE SIDE OF THE MUCH QUALIFIED POSTAL & TELECOM DEPARTMENTS!  

These qualified persons are the face of Indian Qualified Quality, even in these fast changing times! Those who qualified as teachers in the schools, colleges, universities etc performed so qualitatively that students failed to exist without the external help like Private Tuitions, Private Training, Private Guidance & Everything Private! As the education in the government educational institutions became so qualitative qualified that students were sent to the coaching/training/ tuition centres all over India, as quality was growing like anything in the qualified government educational institutions! 

And, as the students have been given undiluted quality in the Government Educational Institutions (GEIs) with the quality help of The Qualified, students have been shelling out 10.3% service Tax to the service they get from the Private Training Institutions, as ‘Thanks Giving’ to the Quality & Qualification Conscious Governments! To get into any of the Quality Government Services one has to successfully get through the Government Qualifying Examinations which are Qualitatively Based on what they have learned in their respective Qualified GEIs! As the quality of GEIs are so high that in order to have the clearance in the qualifying exam one has to go to any of the private training centres available! 

The quality of the GEIs are so high that people go for PRIVATE Engineering Coaching, Medical Coaching, IAS Coaching, UPSC Coaching, Bank Examination Coaching, Railway Recruitment Coaching, LLB Coaching, IIT Coaching, IIM Coaching, CAT Coaching, MAT Coaching & a million other coaching, if one really wants to be Qualified, though what will be asked in the Qualifying Examinations is ONLY THE PART OF THEIR CURRICULAM in their respective GEIs! And, what one should not forget is that as the Quality of the GEIs is always so high that no one can get qualified in the qualifying examinations & become qualified going through the exams which THEY SAY are wholesomely based on ONLY WHATS TAUGHT IN OUR QUALIFIED GEIs! And, for WHAT IS NOT TAUGHT IN THE QUALIFIED GEIs, THE STUDENTS ARE READY TO PAY A SERVICE TAX OF 10.3% + THE PRIVATE TUITION FEE, UNGRUDGINGLY, as its the duty of the parents to get their sons & daughters QUALIFIED! 

If one doesn't know who M.K Gandhi is even after all the qualitatively qualified education from the GEIs one can go to a private coaching centre paying the 10.3% service tax + the training charges to have the piece of knowledge; if one doesn't know, even after all the Qualified Training from the Qualified, Mount Everest was never in India one can go to a private coaching centre paying the 10.3% service tax + the training charges to have the piece of knowledge; if you don't know, even after years of Qualified Training from the Qualified, the dungeon on the main street near your house is not Mariana Trench then you can go to a private coaching centre paying the 10.3% service tax + the training charges to have the piece of knowledge; if you don't know everyone's parents are born before their children are born you can go to a private coaching centre paying the 10.3% service tax + the training charges to have the piece of knowledge; if you don’t know human birth never happens via human anus or belly button you can go to a private coaching centre paying the 10.3% service tax + the training charges to have the piece of knowledge etc!  

But, despite all these Quality Things happening the Well Qualified Teachers in all our GEIs are Spotlessly Well Qualified! The qualified police man raising an F.I.R which registers a crime as IPC 304 instead of IPC 302 or CrPc 174 instead of IPC 304 A or IPC 304 B instead of IPC 314 is one of the greatest examples of the spotless quality of the Qualified in India! The qualified judges who deliver sentences which are against the Indian Constitution, those who keep extending the cases due to the 'Lawyer Pressures', those who mechanically delivers the judgements, those who interpret law as subjectively as they feel it etc are all great examples of Our Spotless Qualified! The qualified authorities who always fail to protect the qualified common man, who always trap the qualified common man as man traps the rats in the rat traps, the qualified farmers who commit mass suicides due to a variety of reasons all over India, the qualified politicians who always make photon like faster bucks, the qualified red tape which is always lubricated with qualified greasing of the hand all over the Qualified India, the more than 70% of the Qualified Unemployable Engineering Graduates who come out of the engineering colleges every year, the millions of qualified students who come out of various GEIs inefficient, irresponsible, cock sure of anything in the universe, incompetent, self inefficient, self defeating, lethargic & insufficient in every field, the qualified doctors who come out in thousands from the qualified medical colleges, who only know how to keep a qualified patient permanently patient/treated till he goes to the Other Unqualified World etc, the qualified lawyers who come out from every nook & corner of Qualified Indian Law Colleges, who only know how to delay the judgements, how to elongate a simple case to a couple of centuries that at the least 10 generations of his or her qualified lineage get the benefit, how to post a case in a particular bench that a favourable decision can be extracted, how to prove a dog is a goat and a goat is a dog etc, the Qualified Groups named qualified trade unions etc who always do Qualified Things for themselves ONLY, the qualified scientific researchers who keep on researching till they move over & find nothing, the qualified health officials who DECLARE tea makes one healthier & coffee is poison in one moment & declare coffee the ultimate panacea for all the diseases existing in the world the very next moment etc are the greatest of the Qualified Examples we can have from a Very Qualified India!  

It is a wonderful quality that the qualifying exams don’t have any bearing on or have anything to do with what the qualified have to do, after the qualification, in India! The unique opportunity is that one can qualify in sand analysis & work all one's life as a qualified preservator of wild animals; one can qualify as a school teacher or a college lecturer & spent one's whole life in Qualified Politics; one can qualify into the Indian Administrative Services & be a Qualified Political Tail Wagger all one's life; one can qualify into the police service writing some stupid examinations & the proper contacts in the proper places, as is in every other qualifying departments, and raise FIRs as one wishes & deal with any situation as one decides as the Stupid Qualifying Examination one had written, where the questions from Indian History & Secular Indian Culture were asked and some basic mathematics were done with, has Qualified him to deal with any of the Legal, Criminal, Illegal situations & things, all his life!

Hence, a forensic expert can clear a local government qualifying exam & express his or her Well Qualified Opinion on anything on Earth; the qualified forest officer can officially say what all things will happen in the world if trees were cut; a qualified medical officer can officially say what all ailments & illnesses will attack human beings in the next 200 years; a qualified politician can officially say what all debilitating problems faced by the common man will be erased from the Earth after 300 hundred years of Qualified Planning from his qualified political party; the qualified teachers can say what all qualified improvements -Ofcourse, ONLY AFTER THEY RETIRE! - should be made in the qualified curriculum etc!  
IT IS TO BE NOTED THAT ONLY QUALIFIED PEOPLE CAN SAY ON ANYTHING, IN QUALIFIED INDIA & THE REST IS ABSURED & INSIGNIFICANT THAT IT SHOULD NEVER BE LISTENED TO OR THOUGTH OF EVEN! AND, ONLY QUALIFIED PEOPLE WILL BE LISTENED TO ANYWHERE IN QUALIFIED INDIA AS QUALIFICATION IS THE ONLY SINGLE CRITERION WHICH SHOULD BE FOCUSSED ON!

Indian Qualified Standards state that when someone screams the Tsunami is coming in the direction where one is standing one should find the time to zero in on a QUALIFIED TSUNAMIST in the hullabaloo & get a qualified verification certificate from him or her stating that it is a Qualified Tsunami before one runs away with one’s own life; till a ‘Nuclearly Qualified’ certifies that the people died of a nuclear disaster, the people dead can’t be considered as dead at all; till a Qualified Medical Officer attests, a death is not a death in the Qualified India; if a volcano is spewing something the Qualified Seismologists should qualitatively declare that as an eruption or else it is not an eruption at all; if the birds are flying in the sky a qualified ornithologist should vouch for that; if people are committing suicides due to poverty a Qualified Povertist should declare that; if the forests & trees are felled by the minute the Qualified Forester should declare that etc!

If a Qualified Astrologer says that one will die on reaching the age of 25, depending on the planetary conditions at one’s birth, one SHOULD DIE at that time & if the predicted one is found living even after the age of 25 he should be Qualified as dead; if Diabetes is cured by making the patients eat sugar in enough quantity by a person in Waynad district in Kerala, all the Qualified Medical Officers Of Qualified India are bound to carry out the execution of the man who actually cured thousands of Diabetes patients as what he is doing IS NEVER QUALIFIED; if a qualified village assistant does not certify one as dead, the dead man can still live, as long as he wishes, in Qualified India! If the Qualified is not saying anything then nothing is happening in Our Qualified India! And, We Should Never Forget That Without The Qualified Declaring India As India, Even India Is Not Qualified As India!

Taking Charge Of One's House!

I live in a house where I try to live peacefully without the intervention of other people! I simply don’t want to be disturbed! I don’t require the Killer Paparazzi to follow me into my house stealthily & take pictures of me when I step out of the bath room after a shower or when I rinse my mouth with water after a filling meal or while I keep typing the article for my well read blog Great Views @ www.viewcrackers.blogspot.in etc! 

I think it’s a basic thought that no one wants to be disturbed in one’s house where everyone goes to have some tension free moments & that too with minimum or no limelight! There, every one wants to be the self one is & all the masks one fits on one’s face are taken off & kept ready in the cupboards, in the preparation for the next stage show outside one’s house! I won’t, and I know, no one else will, tolerate the unwelcome presence of someone inside my house, scrutinising on the mistakes & even blunders I commit while I am inside my house! In my opinion, one’s house is for committing mistakes, blunders, stupidities etc 24/7 & rest 24/7 uncriticised & unpocked & unnoticed & unreported! Inside my house, as is the case with any one else, I wish to be what I am, unnoticed & undescribed by the others of the outside world!

I love to throw tantrums @ the imaginary figures I raise up with my imagination by throwing some books or a chair at them, occasionally, scream at the top of my voice imitating a Kishore Kumar, Yesudas, Mukesh & others, draw a picture of a monkey or donkey –according to my mood, ofcourse! – which never came out thousands of kilometres near what they actually are, ever, watch some soft porn in the loneliest hour of the night, tear into pieces what I have written about Indian Secularism a million times, scream aloud angrily at the FAST DEVELOPMENT OF POVERTY& HUMAN PAIN, POLITICAL GREED, RANK COMMUNALISM, WHOLESOME CORRUPTION etc, unnoticed & unrecorded by the outside world! And, I know, for all the people in the world, the house is where one exists as one really is!

Hence, when I saw the news of the Karnataka Assembly Porn Watching Programme broadcast by the visual media and later on in the ever vigilant news papers I was not even moved a bit! I could not find out why the policemen & the media persons were screaming at the top of their voices against the lawyers who beat them into some unusable pulp, inside the Karnataka High Court premises! Though I thought for more than a couple of days, I could not find out even a single reason why the people from the media –In the first case! - and police & the media (Again!) –In the second case - accuse the so called perpetrators –MLAs in the first case & the lawyers in the second one! – of devious & malignant intentions!  

It was well clear that the so called perpetrators were just doing whatever they liked to do in their respective HOUSES; the MLAs in their Assembly HOUSE & the lawyers in their Court HOUSE! What they did never amounted into anything abnormal that the whole world cries foul! It is the right of the persons of the HOUSE to do whatever one wishes to do in one’s own HOUSE! Nobody has the right to intrude into one’s HOUSE & take picture, videos etc & publish them! “How can one’s neighbour get into one’s house & try to beat one down?!” as was the case with the police in the Court HOUSE muddle who tried to force into the Court HOUSE of the lawyers & show their might?! Any one who has any credential won’t stand such an arbitrary & senseless act, with both the hands tied infront; and, that’s simply what the lawyers did – they defended the rights of their HOUSE with all the might they had!  

When a former chief minister of Karnataka cried aloud that everyone watches porn in Karnataka & the MLAs watching porn in the Karnataka Assembly HOUSE was not a big deal was speaking the universal wisdom, after all! He explicitly knew that the MLAs –The number of them is trying to rise from a mere 4 to 40 over the days! – quite democratic! - were just exercising their Fundamental Right inside Their Own Assembly HOUSE! And, all those people –misinformed morons, devious villains, riot raisers & morally the degraded others! - who accuse them of watching porn in the Assembly HOUSE should understand that they were mere representatives of all the people of Karnataka, who, according to the wise former chief minister, have been Regular Porn Watchers, all these decades since Independence! And, they were Legally Watching Porn –As they were watching porn in the Legislative Assembly HOUSE! – in their HOUSE! The old axiom ‘Porn Watchers Beget Porn Watchers!’ is scientifically proven, beyond any doubt, in this ‘Great Porn Watching HOUSE’ episode, as even for an axiom a scientific proof is required these days, in Our Qualified India!  

Some miscreants were arguing that if the media people can place their cameras where ever they wish to place them & capture whatever they wish to capture & air them WHY DON’T THEY PLACE THEIR CAMERAS IN THEIR OWN HOUSE –MEDIA HOUSE!- and air what all happen there as more porn & sleaze will be visible & available for the porn crazy Karnataka Public etc! They also tried to spread misinformation & whip up communal passions by saying that instead of airing the non porn things & items of a Swami & co it would have been far better if they had placed their cameras inside their HOUSE –Media HOUSE- & aired whatever happens there that the Porn Hungry Karnataka Voters should have got a far better deal! They also challenged the Media HOUSES to place cameras in the Police HOUSES – Police Stations & Other Police HOUSES! - & air whatever they have from the Police HOUSES 24/7 that the Porn Hungry People will have Much More Than Enough! And, they also suggested that if the MEDIA HOUSES start doing what they suggested – Placing cameras in the media HOUSES & police HOUSES! - the Karnataka Public can have an unbelievably democratic & secular 24/7 Porn Channel, the first such channel anywhere in the world and be PORNFULLY PROUD OF that!  

The experts were of the opinion that according to the fundamental rights of the democratic & secular people in India anyone & every one should be in a position to defend his or her rights in ONE’S OWN HOUSE and no compromise can be done in this regard! And, one who protects one’s HOUSE from ‘the outside intrusion’ can not be pulled up for any sort of misdemeanour, misbehaviour, assault etc, as it’s all legally in the game of protecting one’s own HOUSE! Hence, the Assembly HOUSE stands vindicated if it thrashes out the persons from the Media HOUSES from the HOUSE; likewise, the lawyers who thrashed & assaulted the persons from the Media HOUSES & Police HOUSES also clearly stand vindicated! And, it is sensibly & wisely suggested that if anyone wants to make public whatever happens in the HOUSES –Like the Court HOUSE, Media HOUSE, Assembly HOUSE, Parliament HOUSE, Business HOUSE etc!- it is always better he or she start & end the gathering of information –Recording of the video, taking pictures etc included- ONLY FROM ONE’S OWN HOUSE!