Sreesanth The Sinner & The Ethical Cricket Country!

Sreesanth was the stalwart of Indian bowling who was going to become either a Denis Lillie or Sir Richard Hardly or a Kapil Dev, for sure! This infuriated Harbajan Singh, among a lot of others, the classic act of spin bowling (Howling?!) so much that he slapped Sreesanth, which was well inside the Cricket Ethic Book of India that Sreesanth got warning (Threat will be a more suitable word!) that if he again shows his face to the religiously ethics following Harbajan in such a fashion that he slaps again, Sreesanth would be banned for life, as according to the Indian Book of Cricket Ethics, enticing (with a great cheek such as that of Sreesanth!) is the BIGGEST CRIME of all!

Sreesanth was admonished by all the Ethical People of Indian cricket in such a way that he hid his cheeks behind his back! Even his complaints were severely butchered & beaten down by the Ethic Indian Cricket People & even the Constitutional Right To Cry when slapped was rudely taken away from the Speedster by the Ethical People! He was left high & dry.....! No one was there to back him in his hour of need as he was the loner from the tiny state of Kerala, who somehow found a shaky place inside the Dominant Northern Indian Ethical Cricket Team!

He ruminated about the slap, at the least a trillion times, in his lonely hours & the Ethical Indian Cricket! And, when he coughed up courage to speak up against the injustice he had vis-a-vis the Slap Gate, after near a couple of years, he let his emotions flow infront of the media, which irked the Wholesomely Ethical Indian Cricket Fraternity! Sreesanth was again WARNED (Threatened, as usual!) by the Ethical Guardians of Indian Cricket, including the Very Ethical President of Indian Ethical Cricket, India Cement Srinivasan! Whether he carried a personal grudge against Sreesanth is NOT proven till going to press!

Sreesanth again ran back to his den carrying all his allegations, emotions, pictures of Slap Gate etc on his back! And, it is here, in his den of solitude, he succumbed to the vicious attack of the Punters, Betters, Fixers etc, is the latest find of the NASA Space Research Centre! Till That Point All Clean Indian IPL & Ethical Cricket Fraternity (ECF) all of a sudden found themselves deeply involved in betting, scams, fixing etc ONLY because of this Slap Gate tainted Sreesanth!

All of a sudden Sreesanth was arrested with some ‘well known nobodies’ of cricket & presented before the media & court as the King Pin of the Italian Mafia! And, the charges were pressed against him in no time that he with his millions of ‘invisible’ cronies has siphoned off trillions of dollars from the Public Betting Exchequer (PBE)! It is ‘proved beyond any doubt’ that it is Sreesanth who planned, built maintained etc this Betting & Fixing Network (BFN) in India, all these decades; if some one has any doubts one can ask Mohammed Azharuddin, a former great Ethical Cricketer Of India, who has become an MP in Our Ethical Nation of Secular Democracy!

It is proved beyond any doubt that the ‘40’ lakhs is the total amount of betting & fixing, all these years of betting & fixing & none other than the King Pin Sreesanth has the wherewithal in India & ofcourse would run such an all encompassing racket! All the near to undecipherable secret codes of the betters, fixers, & tricksters, like lifting a finger, hand kerchief, the right end of the Indian Tie (IT) the fixer wares etc, are smartly & efficiently decoded by FBI, taking millions of Super Computer hours & with the help of the Large Hadron Collider etc!

The 2.5 rupees of the total 40 lakhs Sreesanth got for all his cronies were found out by the CBI, Interpol & the Now Defunct KGB (Using the services of the Retired Agents!) in a combined operation (Code Named Operation Tip Of  The Indian Tie!) from the top of the European Closet he used, after 2 weeks of his arrest! The other 3 rupee pile he left running from the ever energetic sleuths on the brink of the sink he stopped to wash his face also have been recovered, with much difficulty- the info whether the pile was consisting of 1 paisa coins or 2 paisa coins or 5 paisa coins still falls under ‘The Classifieds’!

Now, it is also reported, by various media agencies, that thousands of border security personnel have been pressed into service from the ‘ACNE’ Aksai Chin Area to find out where all Sreesanth has hidden his  MIND BOGGLING ‘40’ lakhs, in two, three, four, five rupee collections! They are also reportedly utilising the great services of the Molessier dogs the Chinese used in the Daulat Beg Oldie to find out the Coin Piles! The various possible structures of coin packing or packaging are elaborately studied by the experts in Suitcase Packing from the Narasimha Rao Era! They are also doing ground breaking research in finding out the number of coins one can hold efficiently inside a Fixer’s or Spotter’s hand kerchief or Indian Tie (IT)!

CBI, IB, Crime Branch & Local police are into finding out whether Sreesanth has connections with the Italian Marines who shot dead 2 Indian fisher men, Hiroshima Blast, Davood Ibrahim, Italian Mafia, Mafia Sasi & other International networks! They are also planning to find out from Sreesanth what sort of network he used to secretly hide THIS MUCH OF A HUGE AMOUNT (40 LAKHS!)! All is sure that only Sreesanth & no other cricketer of worth is involved in these things of Unethical Things; and, Sreesanth is the be all & end all of all these fixes & scandals!

The otherwise Clean & Ethical Cricket of India is just trying to come out of the blemish Sreesanth has forced on it!  A Salwa Judlum programme ‘Any doubt ask Azar!’ has been started to air via the Highly Ethical Media to take back the Lost Via Sreesanth ‘Credibility & ‘Credit Rating of  IPL & Indian Cricket Ethics! Lets us make sure that Sreesanth should pay for the HUGE damage he has done to Ethical Cricket in India & Its Great Ethical Cricketers!

Let us, spending tax payers money, press in the services of the greatest lawyers of the country & outside that Sreesanth remains in the prison for all the centuries to come that the Ethically & Legally Greedy & Tricky People of Money Making India sleep comfortably on their Indian Cement Benches, MP Beds, Sugar Cushions etc for all the centuries the Sinner Sreesanth spent in the cell!

And, then only, we, the democratic & secular people of India, who have no other worries other than the Sinful Sreesanth taking the Universal Amount 40 lakhs for his 1 million cronies to lift the left end of his black & white hand kerchief during an over where he would give away an incredible 14 runs -Where giving more than 14 is a fad!- in a very insignificant IPL match between the northern dwarfs & little den monkeys, can rest in peace; then only can the 40 crores of people below the poverty line in India have, at the least, the spending power of 17 rupees a day; then only can large scale farmer suicides of Vidharbha & Marthvada be stopped; then only can the slums of Calcutta & Bombay be sanitised; then only can every Indian have potable drinking water for all the generations to come; then only will the lakhs of babies who die in the birth, yearly in India will stop dying; then only can the thousands of women who are forced into prostitution due to various reason be saved; then only can the mindless & shameless exploitation of the nature & natural resources be stopped!

Hence, let the Sinner Sreesanth who played with the hefty amount of 40 lakhs be crucified for all his unpardonable sins as that is the One & Only Real Problem Facing an Ever Peaceful, Ethical, Sinner - less, Truthful, Democratic, Secular India! Let With Sinner Sreesanth End All The Sins & Lies In India! “Satyameva Jayathe!”

HIS GAS MAJESTY'S PROOFS AND THE PROOFLESS BOXES OF HIS GASDOM !

Only when the Food & Civil Supplies minister of Karnataka announced – In the Month of September or October 2011!- over the media that the verification of all the documents submitted by the GAS OWNERS  –THE GAS COMMON MEN!- was done, the wily gas distributors all over the state restarted to give the supplies to the Gas Common Man again! Our document submission was done, either in the month of July or August as per the news paper announced requirements, to OUR GAS AGENCY –Which Is ‘Sri Rama (Gas) Agency’, all these last 7 Years!- which put PROOFLESS CARD BOARD BOXES infront of the gas agency's veranda in those Document Collection Days of 2011, to collect the Required Documents Prooflessly from the Gas Common Man!

When, at the time of submission of the so called required documents, -In the month of July or August, 2011- we asked for the bill stating the reception of the documents, the stingy looking lady at the counter –There were more than a couple of miserly looking ladies @ the counter, then!- made faces & just waved & said "Just Put Them In The Proofless Cardboard Boxes arranged in the veranda!”, that they could MAKE ALL THE PROOFS OF SUBMISSION VANISH whenever they wanted to do it! She was saying it as if she were talking to some street urchins who came infront of her BEGGING FOR SOME OF HER FAMILY HELD GAS! When we repeated our request for the PROOF again she made faces & started to talk to the other STREET URCHINS WHO CAME THERE ASKING FOR HER FAMILY HELD GAS!

When our gas cylinder got finished on 9th of November 2011, we made the booking via IVR on the same day, which was WELL AFTER the Civil Supply’s Minister's announcement of the completion of the verification process of all the submitted documents & the declaration, all over the media, that almost 2 lakh customers were suspended from the gas supply list due to non submission of the required documents! We got our cylinder delivered on 12th of the same month -November 2011!

When on 16th of March 2012 - Just over 4 months after the gas cylinder was delivered in November 2011!- our gas cylinder got finished, we called the IVR again @ 3.09pm spending 1 minute & 28 seconds and got the response that the IVR was not in a position to register our booking with a suggestion that we contact ‘Our’ Gas Agency!

We called the gas agency over the phone two times, the last call being placed @ 3.13pm or so! Both the times THE RESPONSIBLE GAS PEOPLE didn’t pick up the phone as they must be in a very tight schedule trying to sort out the problems of the Gas Common Man! And, when we called them again @ 3.15 we got the engaged tone, as we knew pretty well that they must have kept the phone outside the cradle to help some GAS COMMON MAN! As we were well familiar with THESE EARNEST GAS PROBLEM SOLVERS - as we had 4 or so years back gone personally there & had a heated exchange of words with them on the non response or non picking up of the phone (when we reached at the Gas Agency -4 Years Back, the receiver of the EARNEST GAS AGENCY TELEPHONE was kept on the table top, where it had been resting for all the 40 or so minutes we had been trying to get connected to these CERTIFIED GAS PEOPLE)-  we went direct to the gas agency where we were told to submit the documents again!

We started to have a heated argument with the GAS LADY @ the desk, as she told us that we had not submitted the Required Documents! We asked “How Many Times One Has To Submit ‘The So Called Required Documents’?!" at the top of our voice! Then, the Gas Lady told that as our documents were not submitted they were not verified & hence, we got to submit them (AGAIN)! When we argued that we got our cylinder via IVR in the month of November 2011 -Enough proof that we had submitted our documents & our submitted documents were verified! - the Counter Gas Lady countered saying  that we got to submit all of them again! Then, to my repeated question "How many times we got to submit the documents?!" she replied grudgingly that it was better we talk to the ALL KNOWING MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE, THE GAS MANAGER inside!

We went inside & saw the GAS MANAGER sitting there, having a sort of an argument with ONE GAS COMMON MAN, who was talking, irritated, about the GAS ILL TREATMENT he got from these Official Gas People; when we reached near the table of the OFFICIAL GAS MANAGER the GAS COMMON MAN mumbled something and resigning to his GAS FATE went out side! The Gas Manager sat there as if he was talking about the Fukushima Nuclear Disaster & trying to find a GAS SOLUTION for the human suffering there in Japan with someone subordinate who was sitting left to him! He continued talking despite our arrival & when we WISHED HIS GAS HIGHNESS'S ATTENTION, grudgingly he turned to us in disgust as if we, the GAS MORTALS, made him deviate from the VERY SERIOUS FUKUSHIMA TOPIC, which ONLY he could have solved!

 When told about our problem he mumbled that we need to submit the documents (Again!) as we hadn't submitted them –In His Gas Majesty’s Grand Opinion!- and we had been given 3 months’ time TO RESPOND –“From When?” & “To What Should We Respond?!” I asked to which The Gas Majesty never replied!- & we never responded, our Gas Connection stands disconnected! Listening to this stupid & insensible blabbing of the GAS MANAGER, which he kept repeating, I argued vociferously that we had submitted our documents & ONLY BECAUSE THEY WERE SUBMITTED & VERIFIED WE GOT OUR CYLINDER REFILLED IN THE MONTH OF NOVEMBER, 2011!

Then, the GAS MANAGER asked us "What Proof We Had For The Submission Of Our Documents?!" The moron looking guy repeated "What Proof you have which says that you have submitted the documents?!" He also INFORMED US that it was ‘Our Constitutional Duty’ to collect ‘the Proof Of Document Submission’, as he was more than well aware that THESE GAS MORONS NEVER GAVE GAS PROOFS for anything they do! Listening & talking to these GAS DICTATORS we sometimes seriously doubt whether they were trained by Mossad or KGB of yesteryears to eliminate all the proofs of their doing, well before they take up any position in any of the gas agencies in Karnataka!

I repeatedly told HIS GAS MAJESTY that when we submitted the documents we asked for the PROOF & we were told that we need only put what all documents we had with us into the PROOFLESS BOXES put in the veranda of THESE PROOFLESS PEOPLE! I harshly told him that we didn’t put the documents, which were stated to be used to MAKE GAS PROOF, in the box put in the veranda of the BAR which was almost opposite to this PROOF ELIMINATING PEOPLE, or the waste box put inside the KSRTC bus depot, as according to the newspaper & other reports we –The Gas Common Men of Karnataka!- were asked to submit them to THESE PROOFLESS & PROOF ELIMINATING GAS CON MEN!

HE WAS PROOFLESSLY LAUGHING AT US WHEN HE ASKED FOR ‘THE PROOF OF THE DOCUMENT SUBMISSION’ WHICH NEITHER HE NOR HIS GAS SUBORDINATES EVER GAVE TO ANY GAS COMMONER BODY IN HIS GAS KINGDOM! And, he reminded us, a number of times that it was OUR DUTY to get the proof! I shouted back that if HIS DUTY TO GIVE PROOF IS NOT DONE, EVEN AFTER ASKING, THEN HOW WILL I FULFILL MY CONSTITUTIONAL DUTY OF GETTING THE GAS PROOF?!

The stupid looking man was full of his own stupidity that he said that we had to go to the food & civil supplies department if we needed to get the gas proof! He seemed to imply well that if they too don’t give any proof of the submission of the documents for GAS VERIFICATION IN KARNATAKA then we –The Representatives Of The Gas Common Man- can go to the Union Food Ministry in Delhi, the Supreme Court, the Prime Minister’s Office, the International Court of Justice in Hague & United Nations (UN!), in that order!