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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

I AM THE PRIMEMINISTER!

When a couple of days back a woman was arrested & paraded infront of media because she told everybody she was Sonia Gandhi, the Congress President, from 10th Janpath, I was shell shocked! But, people around me seemed to ignore the news as they were very familiar with large number of persons who call themselves the president of USA, The Prime Minister Of Paschimbenga, The Chief Minister of Stupidland, The Leader Of The Minorities, The Spokesperson Of The Downtrodden, The Lord Of Monte Cristo, The Bard On Avon, The Nightingale, The Himalayas, The Tiger, The Lion, The DGP of a Local Police Station, The CBI Officer From Crime Branch & a million other wonderful manifestations..!

But, I was not familiar with these impersonations which my friends & neighbours already knew. And, I learned that the persons who claimed to be The Himalayas, The Everest, The Tiger, Lion, Nightingale & many others were never arrested due to 2 reasons like nobody complaining against such claims & anyone could see & understand that they were not what they claimed to be! Hence, I asked myself why the woman who called herself Sonia Gandhi be arrested and paraded infront of the media, as it was well evident that she was not what she claimed to be!!

Media wrote volumes after volumes how she claimed to be the Congress president etc! They, with the help of the ever vigilant & efficient police authorities presented the people, via media, with the photos of her ration card, voter's card, election ID, passport, United Nation Membership card, North Pole Pygmy association card & the Unique Identity Number for the people who are dead a century ago in the Congress president’s name with her photo on all these identity proofs!

The police & the media celebrated the subtle move they employed in catching such a mammoth chameleon, which was illiterate & living in some place which never ever found itself in the map of India! Media reported that it was through an extremely covert operation code named Operation Catch Nobody they were able to TRAP this International Nobody, from a no named by lane! Anyway, since the killing of Bindrenwalleh in the Operation Bluestar in the early eighties, this was the mammoth catch for any of the Indian Security Personnel!

It was circulated via media that she was dangerously carrying a few hundred Indian currency notes which summed up well below a thousand rupees & a number of her identity proofs on her body; and, leaving her tattered dress and a couple of rubber bands used to tie her no oiled hair all the other things were audaciously seized by the police personnel & displayed to the ever curious media! I didn’t understand what else they had been expecting from an illiterate ‘NOBODY WOMAN’; had they been expecting a couple of Neutron Bombs & a handful of Neutrinos from her mostly torn purse?! "Ofcourse, it is a major breakthrough!" claimed the highest ranking officer in the lot to the media and gave away the gallantry awards to each & every police officer who was a part of this great concerted effort!

When the Mammoth Chameleon tried to say something in her self defence nobody gave her a hearing as what she had done was so treacherous that it had no parallels in the Mammoth Chameleon History! Though nobody cared a rap for her utterances it was heard she screaming at the top of her voice that it was not at all difficult to get any identity in India provided one meets the right person in the right place, with the right amount of money and if one had nothing in one's life one would definitely go forward to prove oneself as somebody else who was worth recognition! She was also caught in the camera screaming that if the so called I.D providing authorities were ready to give away any number of identity cards to anyone who needed it what was the problem with one getting an ID card or two or three as it was the duty of the I.D issuing officers to verify the identity of the person who was issued the ID Proof etc! She also was seen screaming that it was her money from the indirect taxes she paid the salaries of these I.D issuing officers were paid etc!

“How dare she accused the officers in the various ID issuing department?!” the police & media wondered! They said it was the duty of the ID Issuing departments to issue IDs and they should not be questioned for issuing IDs 'to whomsoever it may concern'! “One should not accuse somebody who did his or her duty!” commented an efficient police officer who appeared in a cameo role in Operation Catch Nobody! In a desperate attempt to prove her point well beyond any doubt the Mammoth Chameleon asked who didn’t know the axiom that in India it is only when one projects oneself as somebody else who matters the things work out here in a favourable way?!

She continued saying to the wind that it was because of this deep rooted axiom in the Indian psyche that people here say sometimes that they are terrorists & get whatever they want in their favour; they call themselves poor & get whatever they wish for themselves; they call themselves a minority & run away with all the benefits; they call themselves underprivileged & get all the reservation in their favour; they call themselves oppressed & suppressed & get away with all the advantages for the oppressed & suppressed; they call themselves LAWyers & escape from the ever tightening noose of the police personnel, who always devise new devices to catch the common man always on the wrong side of the so called LAW etc!

And, for all these above mentioned False ID claimers & more it is these same ID Issuing Departments & Personnel who have been giving their IDs in millions, all these 64 years after our so called independence in 1947! She argued vehemently that if all the others who belong to the same category of the so called False ID Possessors had a whale of a time why only she was singled out to be paraded infront of media & persecuted?! She also wanted to know why, in the first place, nobody went & arrested those who used ‘false’ impersonation to trick people in the guise of mimicry artists, film stars (The likes of Ben Kingsley who ‘falsely’ impersonated M.K Gandhi, Roshen Seth who again ‘wrongly’ impersonated Jawaharlal Nehru), film doubles etc!

She was also heard airing a strong & logical vocal petition to the Indian Parliament & Parliamentarians and ofcourse the new fad Anna Hazare clan that in the law there should be a well devised provision for the real poor like her to get any number of the so called false IDs that they can at the least survive in an extremely unequal society using these so called false IDs! She also asked where & when even those persons who claim themselves GODS were never ever questioned, let alone arrested, how could she be hunted down in such a massive operation like the Operation Catch Nobody?!

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