The Protesters!

The daily chores of Indians always included PROTESTS! They breathe, eat and drink PROTESTS! Sometimes, everyone is forced to think that 'Every Indian Is Born TO Be A Protester'! What is the problem with that, one may ask, as India IS considered The Nation Of Protests (Protests ‘ONLY’!) & Protesters, all over the world!

When we were in our school days, we were taught about the various types of protests -violent & non violent types!- with which the Freedom Struggle progressed & how at the end the Non Violent Protest –The only one of its kind!-  we succeeded in putting a FULL stop to the more than 200 year rule of India by the imperialistic British! In the schools we were given ‘expert level’ training to make placards of various shapes & hues which would become handy one day! And, 'With Manme Hai Biswas' that 'Hum Honge Kaamyaab' in making our protest visible & audible to the world 'One Day', we kept practicing the making of placards, even in our dreams!

It seems that India became independent in 1947 ‘ONLY’ to give freedom to the protesters of all the generations to come, in India! The modern day Indian can not even think of living without protesting as the idea (Freedom!) itself becomes absurd, as ‘What IS Freedom Without Protests?!’ IS the Question, in a billion minds of Free Indians or should we call them Free Protesters?! The various & innumerable ‘Professional Colleges’ in India provide excellent training for the Future Protesters (FPs – One billionth of whom become MPs!) that the nation move forward in ‘the right protesting direction’! Millions are preparing for the gruelling entrance exams various universities conduct for the limited seats various colleges under them have for this MUCH IN DEMAND course which is code named IIPM (Indian & International Protest Management!), in the brouchers!  

Any way, after Independence, the protesters are having a whale of a time! 24/7 Free India IS reverberating with protests! Protests against inflation, protests against price rise, protests against corruption, protests against infringement of personal freedom, protests against human rights violation in Uganda, protests against religious persecution of Tsarist Russia, protests against Hitler who killed 6 million Jews, protests against partial treatment of polar bear, protests against crimes against women, protests against the depleting glaciers, protests against civil war in Uganda, protests against the atrocities against the African monkeys, protest against the World Bank, protests against nuclear waste dumping in Morocco, protests against colonising of the Moon by vested interests, protests against human trafficking in Afghanistan, protests against discrimination the Amazonian wild cats face from the Amazonian hyenas, protests against the sand mining mafia in Siberian part of Russia, protests against the fuel price hike in Nicaragua, protests against the Swahili Aboriginal President as he eats endangered ants for his break fast, protests against the all pretentious species of fox & their chameleon counterparts, protests against the postman who seldom delivers the snail mail to the pigmies, protests against the persons who conducts various rackets with ‘Licences’ from the respective governments, protests against the all indulgent politicians all over the world, protests against the medical mafia which rule the world, protests against some religious comments made by the Norwegian president in his country, protests against the religious persecution the Arctic penguins face in the Arctic region, protests against the increasing amount of salinity in the sea water, all over the world, protests against the excessive heat at the equator, protests against the dusty nature of the Sahara desert, protests against Protest Temps (who are taken for ‘ONLY’ a short period of Time, i.e., part time protesters!), protests against protesters of various nations, protests against protests etc!

But, the fad now is ‘Aggressive Protests’, which entails the protester with the power to destroy infinitely! In this latest version of the old thing, the protester can do anything he or she wishes – he can threaten, terrify, destroy, damage, attack, suppress, beat one into pulp, kill, intimidate etc without facing any consequences! In this modern& latest form of aggression, the protesters can go scot free at the expense of the tax payer & the common man! The Aggressive Protester is NOT & NEVER responsible for his actions, whatever they may, and, nobody will ever hold him responsible for the atrocities & destruction he causes in the name of the most modern version of the old trick!

The nicest thing about ‘Aggressive Protesting’ is that the person who is even in the minority of one can create the damage in a very extensive scale as he can hire the great services of temps (To the great grief of the FULL time protesters!) to execute his ‘Aggressive Protests’ country wide, with a little help from the anti social & scrupulous elements in the Free Indian Society of Protesters! The government policy IS that if ‘Aggressive Protests’ are staged it is the duty of the law enforcement agencies, including the police personnel, to look elsewhere & feign they are witnessing something creative & nation building! It is also the policy of the government that all the protection SHOULD BE provided to all those who conducts ‘Aggressive Protests’, damaging everything in their sight; the governments know pretty well that otherwise they will be tarnished as human right violators of Hitleroric Proportions!

The well wishers of the Free Country are in serious discussion over whether one should be given capital punishment if one ‘Aggressive Protester’ is taken into custody or he is pressed with charges of aggression during the ‘Aggressive Protests’ he conducts where huge losses are incurred by the public or the private! The government and ‘the who is who’ of India have been in deep discussion on what all benefits should be given to the ‘Aggressive Protesters’ that these people will get enough opportunity to disrupt & destroy the present structures of  destroyable things in the Free & Independent Modern India! There is also this large scale speculation that they (‘Aggressive Protesters’) will be directly inducted into the Hall of Fame for the Nation Builders as ‘It Is ONLY After Destruction Creation Happens!’

It is to be made CONSTITUTIONALLY LEGAL that whatever the ‘Aggressive Protesters’ say should be taken as the Truth Ultimate that if some Ill wishers wish to say something against them, the onus should solely be put on the defendant on whom the ‘Aggressive Protestors’ have unleashed damage, assault, destruction etc of great proportions! It is also suggested that the Status Quo should be maintained as the ‘Aggressive Protestors’ should be able to Protest Unlimitedly & Unobtrusively, damaging things & matters , in whatever way they device, for anything & everything  they think fit, i.e. most of the things which happen outside the living place & time where the ‘Aggressive Protestors’ reside – Read ‘Free India’!

The stones they pelt should be sourced by the government, using the common man’s money as taxes etc & if required the Temp Protesters of the One Man ‘Aggressive Protestor’ should be supplied by the government, as the Universal Sign of Human Rights Protection, Religious Sentiment Protection, Hurt Feeling Protection, ‘Aggressive Protestors’ Protection etc! And, it should also be discussed whether ‘Aggressive Protestors’ should be decorated with the Padmavibushans, Padmabushans & Padmasrees etc according to the severity of the damages these ‘Aggressive Protestors’ do to the free Country where everyone is Free To Do Whatever One Wishes To DO In The Name OF ‘Aggressive Protesting’! If the damage to the country IS debilitating we should also think of conferring Bharath Rathnas on those rare ‘Aggressive Protestors’ of Yore!

It is pretty much correct & obligatory that we, the Free Indians, should ban  Salman Rushdie, Taslima Nasrin, Kamal Hassan & the ilk from entering Free India for life, as the ‘Aggressive Protestors’, who always are in the minority of ones or twos, have always stood against this type of people!  And, if we get an opportunity to get hold of them, then, definitely we, as Free & Proud Indians, should burn them at stake, with the help of the ‘Aggressive Protestors’, as nothing else would be more suitable for this type of people!

When in the dreams the ‘Aggressive Protester’ sees something that is not right according to his conscience, understanding & knowledge, he should be allowed & encouraged by one & all, and ofcourse the media in Free India, to protest violently & with maximum destruction to life & property of the selected ones whom the ‘Dreamer Aggressive Protestor’ considers the cause of his dreams or nightmares! And, it should be made mandatory that all the ‘Aggressive Protests’  be outsourced to Free India, Free of Cost, that the countries all over the world, where the problems are happening, can happily send them all & their accompanying ‘Aggressive Protests’ to India that the ‘Aggressive Protestors’ here make a living out of it!

Now a days, it is widely expected that a President’s Ordinance will come into effect, sooner than later, which states clearly that all the protests in Free Modern India SHOULD BE ‘ONLY’ about things & matters happening outside the borders of India with little or no connection to Free India & Free Indians that the ‘Aggressive Protestors’ can do whatever they wish to do with the life & property of Free Indians, with wholesome impunity & great appreciation from the Tolerant, Elsewhere Looking, High Quality Governments Of Free Modern India!