The Language Experts Of India!

In Tokyo, Singapore & Hongkong one would find someone who speaks multiple languages. Despite being native speakers they manage a good number of languages, though a native speaker can always find something amiss; but these people never let the listeners nauseate with their 'fluency' over any of the languages they profess they speak!


Come to India, the scenario drastically changes! Here one can find millions of people who speak multiple languages! And, here also one can find more millions who profess they speak multiple languages! If one is in any of the metropolises of India, one will definitely find a large number of 'these professors' who eagerly wait for an opportunity to establish their mastery over multiple languages!


When we were children, I always heard my papa's younger cousin's stories of daredevilry with multiple languages in Arabia, where he worked in those days! It was mostly at some functions like marriage & birthday etc he would tell these glorious stories of his language power! There were always large audiences for his stories, who were only poor guys who only knew & talked their mother tongue! They didn’t even know the alphabets of the universal language English!


He usually started the stories in a situation where he would be driving a motor vehicle of the company he worked for! Usually, he reaches a place far away from the civilisation & all of a sudden a police car appears from no where! The officer usually stops his car & asks "@**$#%*&&*&@@!!&**#&$$#%&@&$!#&**!" in Arabic or English - whichever be the language other than their mother tongue, the listeners of the stories understood not even a mite, ever!- to which he with all his universal powers responded "bnui**#wdhij&!%#%#%()*#^!%*&&!(!*(!@*@$#&&!!^^^^#%%@!" And, the police officers never dared, the eager listeners would be told, to speak even a word against what he had told them FLUENTLY IN WHATEVER LANGUAGE THEY SPOKE TO HIM, ever! I heard him telling the very same story years - 20-25 or more years after!- after when it was my younger brother's marriage; then also I found the listeners around him watching him with awe! "What a language expert!", they must too have thought, despite the story being at the least a quarter of a century old!!


Like him there are millions in India WHO PROFESS TO SPEAK MULTIPLE LANGUAGES FLUENTLY! When an unlucky one gets into the net of THIS PROFESSOR, he jumps at the opportunity to establish his mastery. As if he is a native speaker he would start to imitate a conversation in the TRAPPED MAN's language and continuously, if possible between every two words he speaks in the TRAPPED MAN's language, he would advertise the ability he has over multiple languages! The TRAPPED MAN will be staying in front of him appreciating the FLUENCY THIS PROFESSOR has over his language as he would be left with no choice but to appreciate the PROFESSOR! The PROFESSOR would keep on speaking in the TRAPPED MAN's language that the TRAPPED MAN would be feeling like vomiting! The TRAPPED MAN, while responding to the Professor, will even stammer in his mother tongue due to this nauseating language the PROFESSOR dishes out, non-stop, with self eulogy equally mixed! The TRAPPED MAN' will reach a point where he would happily forget his mother tongue & find solace in amnesia!


These professors litter every nook & corner of any big city in India! When we find these people on our way its better we somehow escape with our own life, at any cost, because once caught it’s the curtains for our mother tongue & sometimes our life! If some TRAPPED MAN ever tries to rectify the Professor or suggest what he is dishing out is not correct - in the mildest terms!- he would get hurt immediately & may even pose serious danger to the TRAPPED MAN, as he would be out of his home turf, when these professors catch him unawares! If he is tried to be rectified the Professor always feels insulted & would be in no mood to TOLERATE THE IMPOSTER IN HIS TERRITORY! We can't expect what would be the next thing the Professor does!


To these Professors even the governments are providing great facilities! It is heard that these Professors have asked the government to categorise them as underprivileged & reserve jobs for them! To this demand the government always responded that though at present what they have asked can’t be done -reservation, as most of the people in India are thinking how to make a hole & enter into the RESERVED AREA!- they have always been taken care of as a lot of jobs are already given to these Professors who GET A CERTIFICATE WHICH PROVE THAT THEY ARE PROFESSORS, in the government sector including Railways etc! And in India it’s anybody's guess how long it takes to GET A GOVERNMENT APPROVED CERTIFICATE! We all know what the government told the Professors is right - they are already taken care of by the all eager government!


While I was waiting to see off my long time friend Harry in the Delhi railway station, a couple of years ago, I perfectly understood that at the least in the case of the Professors the government is keeping their promise to the last word! When a train arrived on the platform number 10 there was an announcement in multiple languages about the train! I was happy that the person in the announcement box handles a number of languages FLUENTLY! As I was just thinking about all these people who speak multiple languages FLUENTLY as the native speakers do, I heard the announcement in another language. The moment the announcement finished Harry asked in which language it was in his stylish & accented mother tongue English, to which an embarrassed me was forced to say "ENGLISH!"