The Registration And The Registered!

If the Uber (Uber Cabs of The Infamous Delhi Of The Rapists & Molesters!) had been registered as a radio taxi company, the molestation or THE SO CALLED ‘ALLEGED’ RAPE could not have happened seems to be the message one gets from the media & other ACTIONS sweeping across the SHELL SHOCKED (The millionth time!) nation!

If the same standards & ban ‘would have been’ applied earlier, Soumya’s Gruesome Rape & Murder in a running train in Kerala SHOULD HAVE ‘seen’ the banning of  all the train services in Kerala; this would have happened in various other states of India, as well, as rapes, molestation & murders continue to happen as daily occurrences in these public transport systems (Remember ‘Nirbhaya’ in Delhi & the lackadaisical attitude of the then governments, in 2012!) WHICH ARE ‘REGISTERED’ & GOVERNMENT APPROVED?! The HP Bangalore SHOULD have been closed, forever, when Prathiba was raped & murdered, if the same action would have been initiated, then, in 2008; the thing which saved the famed company from closure SHOULD have been the Registration Certificate it sported then?! That is the power of registration in India!

IT’S BEEN SUGGESTED BY THE MEDIA & THE AUTHORITIES CONCERNED (OR ‘CONCERNED’ AUTHORITIES??), that it is ‘SAFE’ for a prospective rapist, molester, murderer, pedophile & the ‘likeminded others’ to get themselves registered under the various registration acts & laws of India that they don’t get harassed by the SO CALLED AUTHORITIES, including the police; the ‘ONLY’ error the rapist of the Uber Cab did, ‘according to the people in the know’, which deprived him of the protection from prosecution provided under various Human Right Laws & other things (‘Only’ the offenders, criminals, terrorists & others have the Human Rights & Human Right Laws, in India!) was nothing but HIS FAILURE TO PROCURE A ‘REGISTRATION’ CERTIFICATE, from any of the millions of ‘Competent Authorities’ spread across the breadth & width of Our Multi Cultural Democratic Country!

The difference between the legal & illegal IN India IS Registration; in Developing India, EVEN IF you kill, while you are in possession of a registration certificate for killing, what you have done IS perfectly legal! That is why EVEN in the rapes, molestation & EVEN murders in the public transport buses, passenger trains etc the SAME ACTION which has been PROMPTLY announced in the matter of Uber (Cabs) is SELDOM taken or NEVER initiated. 

In India, after receiving a registration certificate (It is quite ‘LEGAL’ in India to manipulate whatever there is to be manipulated to get a registration via Chartered Accountants, Lawyers, Politicians, Local Bodies, Various Government Departments & Bodies, Middle Men, Influential Men etc!), one can do whatever one wishes to do! Whatever happens here in India, it is ONLY whether one, in any given situation, has registration or not is the SOLE thing that is verified! If one has the registration, all the other things vanish into thin air, in Developing India!

One comes to the ROCK SOLID conclusion that REGISTRATION is the most important thing in Our Independent India, the ‘ONLY’ thing which will PREVENT the untoward from happening! And, it seems that the various governments @ the centre & states are going to open, at the least, a million registration centres in every nook & corner of a DEVELOPING Bharath that everything will be in place, all the time!

They plan to open ‘Registration Centres’ for each & everything…………… for urinating, yawning, opening the mouth, shutting the opening mouth, batting an eye lid, scratching on one’s back, kissing in the open (As is in the Kiss Of Love & Kiss Of Hate campaigns!), selling ‘pesticide dipped’ fruits & vegetables, adulterating milk & water, destructively polluting air, land etc, degrading education, over pricing grocery items & all the items for the survival of citizens, manipulating & adulterating students minds with poisonous, irrelevant, useless things & matters, ‘illegal’ felling of thousands of square kilometers of forest land, cheating the citizens of India in the guise of various so called services provided (‘ONLY’ for the intelligent the ‘VICE’ in ‘service’ is always visible BUT the registration makes it –Vice/s!- ‘LEGAL’, in India!), poisoning of one’s body, mind & soul with all the sorts of things & matters etc!

For anyone who wants to take the Indians for a ride, the registration IS A PRE REQUISITE which will be made available by various governments @ the centre & states! And, the various ‘furious’ governments, including that one @ the centre & those @ the states, have taken a decision to sent all those who violate the Registration Law Of The Land to gallows or get them eliminated by the firing squads or let them be killed in fake encounters!

It is ‘a universal truth in India’ (‘3 laughs’ for the ‘SPECIAL’ Indian Universal Truth!) that those who are REGISTERED never do things like rape, cheating, fraud, duping, kidnapping, adulteration, poisoning, falsification, killing, molestation, rash driving, drunken driving & other millions of OFF STANDARD THINGS; hence, the ONE & ONLY SOLUTION (OR SHOULD WE CALL ‘IT’ PANACEA?!!) to all the problems of India IS REGISTRATION!

Hence, from now onwards, various governments in India will open the outlets for REGISTERING the thieves, rapists, pedophiles, money launderers, black marketers, molesters, professional killers, professional pick pockets, professional prostitutes, professional back stabbers, professional ignorant, professional lazy, professional cheats, professional seditionists, secessionists, separatists, terrorists, rippers, Anguleemalas, Raman Raghavans, Shobarajs, counterfeiters, anti social elements, usurpers & other varieties of ‘SOCIAL ELEMENTS’ that they come into the main stream of life in India!

The Various governments ALSO know pretty well that AFTER REGISTERATION whatever the registered do CAN NOT BE CALLED A CRIME AT ALL; after the registration, RAPE won’t be called a rape, murder won’t be called a murder, robbery won’t be called robbery, prostitution won’t be called by the same, money laundering won’t be called by that name, molestation won’t be called molestation, child abuse won’t be called child abuse, cheating won’t be called cheating, terrorism won’t be called by the same etc….! Who can call or who will dare to call these things the same names after the registration process??

The registration disqualifies all these things from getting called what all they had been called prior to registration! And, the various governments RIGHTLY decided to bring in BRAND NEW REGISTRATION PROCESS that India will be a nation sans all the evils of the world, which all the other nations on the surface of the earth will STILL be struggling with, incessantly! Oh…WHAT AN INDIA WE WILL BE LIVING IN WHEN THE REGISTRATION PROCESS IS FINISHED?!

It is well clear that all the Indians are looking forward to that day, when the process head of the well designed & excellently executed (Of course, with the whole hearted help of the Out Sourcing Giants of the world!) REGISTRATION PROGRAMME in India reports that EVEN the last of the UNREGISTERED rapists, molesters, pedophiles, cheats, robbers, murderers, terrorists & others have registered &, from now on, they will ‘proudly’ carry an ‘Internationally Valued Certificate’ [Like the ones which are carried ‘proudly’ by the parents of the students who spend MILLIONS –It is a fact that one has to spend ‘millions’ to have international education while the ordinary Indian spends ‘ONLY’ ‘thousands & lakhs’(Rhymes with ‘lacks’?!) for their ward’s Indian Education, which will NEVER be as same as the International one which comes with an International hue & cry (IHC!)!- for sending their children into the International Schools!] from the government in their hands!!

The IDEA CALLED INDIA will be TOTALLY different from the present one and, from then on, all the people from all the countries will folk in to India to have an Indian Registration (IR!) which will help us get the All Valuable Foreign Currencies we drool in our dreams about! And, all our development projects will get the SO CALLED much needed FDI from these in pouring foreign nationals for registration (FNFR!)!

It will be nice to have all these foreigners, though they may be – ‘ONLY’ may be!!- criminals from various backgrounds & countries as they can get a registration in India & at the same time atonement (‘Dirt Cheap’ –Due to the rupee depreciation & devaluation!- compared to the cost they ‘may’ incur in the West for the SAME REGISTRATION, if at all it is possible there – ‘Come & Register In India’ Slogan & Campaign will ‘then’ be in FULL swing!) for all the crimes they committed all their lives! We will then be called Purgatory India (PI!) where all the sins of all those Anti Social Elements of foreign lands (ASEFL!) will be wiped out or cleansed with the simple BUT effective method of ‘Indian Ingenuity’ – Registration (Remembering Martin Luther of 400-500 year old Germany or Prussia??)!

India NOW has a golden chance to become the ‘Registration Capital of the World’ (RCW!) as we have a CLEAN & EXPANSIVE Registration network! We can boast of millions of registered cases pending in the thousands of police stations here; we can boast of more than 3 crores of registered cases pending in various courts of India; we can boast of millions of registered unemployed in India; we can boast of thousands of registered rapes, molestation, abuses, murders etc in India; we can boast of registered thousands who die of malnutrition in India; we can boast of thousands of registered motorists who lose their lives in accidents in India; we can boast of hundreds of registered farmers who commit suicide in India; we can boast about millions of registered illiterates in India……! The list of the Registered Items in India, of which we can boast of, as we have seen just above, IS AWESOMELY long & winding…!

The Union Government @ the centre will, if what the people in the thick of things say is to be believed, open a Registration Ministry (RM!) which will then be considered ‘EVEN’ MUCH ABOVE the prime minister’s office & defense ministry & the Union Minister for Registration (UMR!) will be given warm receptions all over the world which will turn EVEN AN ALEXANDER OR HITLER green with envy; or, we may EVEN think that the prime ministership of our country will be subdued or made subservient to the ministership of the registration ministry!

Hence, let’s patiently wait for a Wholesomely Registered India’ (WRI!) where all the sins committed, all over the world, get wiped out by JUST registering @ one of the millions of Indian Registering Platforms (IRPs!) made available, by various ‘industrious’ governments in India! And, let’s search & find, as true Indians, all those who eat, drink & breathe without a valid ‘registration certificate’ from a VERY COMPETENT AUTHORITY in India that Our Motherland becomes ‘SWATCH’ (‘Clean’ in Hindi!) & ‘WHOLESOMELY REGISTERED’ WHERE WE, True Indians, ARE 100% SURE THAT NO ‘UNREGISTERED MAN’ EVER BREATH THE ‘REGISTERED AIR’ OF OUR ‘REGISTER COUNTRY’ (RC!)! 

The Language Experts Of India!

In Tokyo, Singapore & Hongkong one would find someone who speaks multiple languages. Despite being native speakers they manage a good number of languages, though a native speaker can always find something amiss; but these people never let the listeners nauseate with their 'fluency' over any of the languages they profess they speak!


Come to India, the scenario drastically changes! Here one can find millions of people who speak multiple languages! And, here also one can find more millions who profess they speak multiple languages! If one is in any of the metropolises of India, one will definitely find a large number of 'these professors' who eagerly wait for an opportunity to establish their mastery over multiple languages!


When we were children, I always heard my papa's younger cousin's stories of daredevilry with multiple languages in Arabia, where he worked in those days! It was mostly at some functions like marriage & birthday etc he would tell these glorious stories of his language power! There were always large audiences for his stories, who were only poor guys who only knew & talked their mother tongue! They didn’t even know the alphabets of the universal language English!


He usually started the stories in a situation where he would be driving a motor vehicle of the company he worked for! Usually, he reaches a place far away from the civilisation & all of a sudden a police car appears from no where! The officer usually stops his car & asks "@**$#%*&&*&@@!!&**#&$$#%&@&$!#&**!" in Arabic or English - whichever be the language other than their mother tongue, the listeners of the stories understood not even a mite, ever!- to which he with all his universal powers responded "bnui**#wdhij&!%#%#%()*#^!%*&&!(!*(!@*@$#&&!!^^^^#%%@!" And, the police officers never dared, the eager listeners would be told, to speak even a word against what he had told them FLUENTLY IN WHATEVER LANGUAGE THEY SPOKE TO HIM, ever! I heard him telling the very same story years - 20-25 or more years after!- after when it was my younger brother's marriage; then also I found the listeners around him watching him with awe! "What a language expert!", they must too have thought, despite the story being at the least a quarter of a century old!!


Like him there are millions in India WHO PROFESS TO SPEAK MULTIPLE LANGUAGES FLUENTLY! When an unlucky one gets into the net of THIS PROFESSOR, he jumps at the opportunity to establish his mastery. As if he is a native speaker he would start to imitate a conversation in the TRAPPED MAN's language and continuously, if possible between every two words he speaks in the TRAPPED MAN's language, he would advertise the ability he has over multiple languages! The TRAPPED MAN will be staying in front of him appreciating the FLUENCY THIS PROFESSOR has over his language as he would be left with no choice but to appreciate the PROFESSOR! The PROFESSOR would keep on speaking in the TRAPPED MAN's language that the TRAPPED MAN would be feeling like vomiting! The TRAPPED MAN, while responding to the Professor, will even stammer in his mother tongue due to this nauseating language the PROFESSOR dishes out, non-stop, with self eulogy equally mixed! The TRAPPED MAN' will reach a point where he would happily forget his mother tongue & find solace in amnesia!


These professors litter every nook & corner of any big city in India! When we find these people on our way its better we somehow escape with our own life, at any cost, because once caught it’s the curtains for our mother tongue & sometimes our life! If some TRAPPED MAN ever tries to rectify the Professor or suggest what he is dishing out is not correct - in the mildest terms!- he would get hurt immediately & may even pose serious danger to the TRAPPED MAN, as he would be out of his home turf, when these professors catch him unawares! If he is tried to be rectified the Professor always feels insulted & would be in no mood to TOLERATE THE IMPOSTER IN HIS TERRITORY! We can't expect what would be the next thing the Professor does!


To these Professors even the governments are providing great facilities! It is heard that these Professors have asked the government to categorise them as underprivileged & reserve jobs for them! To this demand the government always responded that though at present what they have asked can’t be done -reservation, as most of the people in India are thinking how to make a hole & enter into the RESERVED AREA!- they have always been taken care of as a lot of jobs are already given to these Professors who GET A CERTIFICATE WHICH PROVE THAT THEY ARE PROFESSORS, in the government sector including Railways etc! And in India it’s anybody's guess how long it takes to GET A GOVERNMENT APPROVED CERTIFICATE! We all know what the government told the Professors is right - they are already taken care of by the all eager government!


While I was waiting to see off my long time friend Harry in the Delhi railway station, a couple of years ago, I perfectly understood that at the least in the case of the Professors the government is keeping their promise to the last word! When a train arrived on the platform number 10 there was an announcement in multiple languages about the train! I was happy that the person in the announcement box handles a number of languages FLUENTLY! As I was just thinking about all these people who speak multiple languages FLUENTLY as the native speakers do, I heard the announcement in another language. The moment the announcement finished Harry asked in which language it was in his stylish & accented mother tongue English, to which an embarrassed me was forced to say "ENGLISH!"