WAITING FOR MY NOBEL!

Of late, I see millions of people, all over the world, talking, dreaming, preparing for, thinking & doing a million things about Nobel Prize! It has never happened that a storm the Nobel Prize created caught millions unawares & got them involved too! These days, people jump awake from their dreams thinking they got a Nobel; Children cry for a Nobel; Petty Politicians prepare themselves & attend classes for a Nobel, conducted by hundreds of fly-by-night course-conductors! A million activities are now run, focused on Nobel Prize these days!

It is interesting to see people from all walks of life getting drowned in this Nobel-Rush! People, who sit idle PEACEFULLY, doing nothing, say “THEY HAVE A CLAIM ON THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE! People from the Indian state Kerala, with all their trade unions & groups of idle-workers and most of the people, who while their whole time away 24/7, DOING NOTHING, scream at the top of their voice, united, that IT IS THEIR BIRTH RIGHT TO HAVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE [as the union-workers or workers’ unions of Kerala are ACCUSTOMED/ILLEGALY-LEGALISED to have ‘THE NOKKU COOLIE’ -PAYMENT FOR JUST WATCHING (OR IN OTHER BEAUTIFUL WORDS ‘PEACEFULLY DOING NOTHING!’) SOMEONE ELSE DOING THE WORK WHICH IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE BIRTH RIGHT OF SOME PARTICULAR WORKER-UNIONS!], as they WASTE THEIR ENTIRE LIFE SITTING IDLE/PEACEFULLY!

Now, in the adoption markets, the babies who don’t ever cry or make a sound have a hefty premium to be paid to the adoption specialists, as who knows when will the NOBEL PEACE PRIZE GOD’S CALL WILL COME?!; and the parents of those children who don’t even make a noise even after two or three years after the birth are extremely happy as they think the hitherto called disability is a golden chance to get a NOBEL PEACE PRIZE, as their kids seldom make a noise TO DISTURB PEACE! Hence, “The crying baby gets milk!” got royally replaced by “It is the non-crying baby gets the Nobel Peace Prize!”

Extremely inactive persons including Members of Parliaments, Ministers, Rulers, Governors, Councillors, Presidents of all sorts, including those of the local tea clubs, coffee clubs, cricket clubs, fishermen’s clubs, smokers’ clubs, idiots’ clubs, Paupers’ Union Leaders and a variety of Utterly Inactive People have gate-crashed into the local Nobel Committee Offices all over the world & Swedish Nobel Committee Office, with the attested copies of their total inactivity, testifying their WHOLESOME INACTIVITY -read contribution towards WORLD PEACE! - from the active world organisations like WHO, Green Peace, Red Cross, Unicorns International & others; it is also heard that some of these most inactive persons submitted forged/fake documents as their PROOF OF TOTAL INACTIVITTY!

Most of the completely inactive institutions like schools, colleges, universities, government departments & others who do little despite having the responsibility to do great things to upgrade human thought, existence & life also staked their claims to the Nobel Peace Prize, most ardently & feverishly! Those people who PROMOTE & PROPAGATE GLOBAL TERRORISM PEACEFULLY also claimed THEIR POUND OF NOBEL FLESH! The near & dear of those people who PASSED AWAY PEACEFULLY claimed their Nobel Peace Prize, dutifully! It is also heard that the kith & kin of those persons who passed away a couple of decades & even centuries ago have CLAIMED THE NOBEL POSTHUMOSLY, citing the PEACEFULL NATURE THE PASSED AWAY PEOPLE ARE IN THE PRESENT & THEIR CONTRIBUTION IN THE MATTER OF WORLD PEACE! There are even people who claim and lobby heavily & passionately for THOSE PEACEFULL VOLCANOES WHICH ARE NOT ACTIVE and hence very much eligible for the Nobel Prize for Peace!

“OH MY GOD.... OBAMA HAS A NOBEL..... CAN I HAVE ONE, PLEASE??!” has become a frequently recurring question world wide! Now people & all those in the know will try to make one convinced that Nobel Peace Prize will make Obama do great things for humanity! Yea, they can be right......Who can firmly assert A NOBEL WILL NOT FORCE THE PRESIDENT TO DO GREAT THINGS?!! Hence, I think, in the next Nobel committee, there will surely be a black sorcerer, a fortune teller & an oracle to find out the man who will do great things, given he is gifted with a Nobel, far in advance to a supposed action worth a Nobel! And, in the coming years we will definitely find an unborn child getting a Nobel for chemistry, physics or any other Nobel subject, for an invention or discovery he/she may do/make one day in the near future 2077!

MALAYALI - THE ENLIGHTENED KERALITE!

Secular India's one & only religiously created district is in Kerala, and that too happened way back in 1967! An Extremely Inactive Opposition Party & A Hyper Active Ruling Party are some of the special things the state offers! Ardent Opposition & Feverish No to Tractor, Computer, Pre-Degree Board, Smart City, Express High Way etc. first & then Fervent Implementation of the same by the same people who opposed it tooth & nail has been written in golden letters in Kerala History!

Universities where ONLY DIRTY POLITICTS IS TAUGHT & MADE IMBIBED FORCEFULLY 24/7 are Kerala Specialities! At Kerala Places like Parambikulam, Mullapperiyar etc. respective governments of Kerala always waited for the permission from their GOOD FRIEND Tamilnadu to come 24/7 even for removing a bag of sand from the dam sites they own! And, vehicles from Kerala continue to enter Kerala's own Parambikulam via Tamilnadu, paying taxes to Tamilnadu to enter Kerala’s own land! Water from Kerala dams is unobtrusively & slyly channelized to Tamilnadu, all these years, with the knowledge & tacit support of the respective governments- Inaction that is the ENLIGHTENED MOTTO!

Extremely Inactive and Idle group of people who depend on others outside God's Own Country for everything, including vegetables & food items, NEVER EVER USING hundreds of thousands of hectors of very fertile land is another Kerala Special! Wastefully consuming water, earth & forest and giving back nothing to Nature, finding no time even to plant a tree, but finding more than enough time to fell a number of trees just for fun, Enlightened Malayalees gleefully move on! It is a place where LEACHEROUS CONSUMPTION is an extremely favourite past time and WORK IS SITTING IDLE & IDLENESS RELIGION! Irresponsible Education System developed exclusively by the Enlightened People of God’s Own Country, where, once, EVEN POLICE PERSONNEL EVALUATED ANSWER SHEETS OF COLLEGE STUDENTS, & recovered hundreds of answer sheets of Highly Unfortunate Students from the water tanks of A Particular University months after the evaluation of Star Crossed Students got finished and the results declared -1986 to be specific!-, is nothing but Kerala Model Enlightenment!

Kerala Is God’s Own Country Where Adulteration & Selling spurious & duplicate things are a fad; it is a place where government employees behave as these were Good Old Royal Days & They Are True Royal Blood; it is where red-tapism is a celebrated virtue & of course IDLENESS THE NATURE! It is also Hartal /Bandh’s Own Country Where a Couple of Illegal Bandhs & Hartals (Name Changed to escape The All Seeing Eyes of Indian Courts) a week is a part of anything existing in Kerala! It is where for under 5 hours of lazy-work people charge a very low daily wage of 300-400 Indian rupees, where these 5 hours are spent to paint only ONE SIDE OF A WINDOW PANE, hence making it Lazy Workers’ Own Country! It is a great place where AC theatres seldom switch ACs on after charging for AC!

It is a good place where Enlightened Boot Lickers ascend ‘the Future Moulding Institutions’ like Schools, Colleges etc, where quality is a PIOUS WORD of which's Meaning Nobody knows & people in the TOTAL LACK OF KNOWLEDGE take decisions of extreme significance; and it is a place where the Enlightened Ones don’t even know a THING CALLED TIME exists! It is a happening place where Every Happening Is An Accident! Here is the place where policy makers are WELL -UN-AWARE OF what they are doing! Here the Enlightened Ones talk KILOMETRES & KILOGRAMS ABOUT NOTHING! It is a place where all types of scandals, tricks, swindles, cheating and the likes are played out every second & LIFE IS LIVED ACCORDING TO SOME STUPID'S FOOLISH IDEOLOGY! It is a great place where the Mother Tongue is LOOKED DOWN UPON & A GATHERING OF TWO ENLIGHTENED MALAYALEES IS THE WORLD PARLIAMENT OF UNNECESSARY, INSIGNIFICANT, NEVER ENDING & USELESS DEBATE & ARGUMENT!

It is a wonderful happening place where neighbours pour boiled water onto the planted saplings of the neighbour's plants & accuse the demons of night [Particularly the poor Marutha-A Form of Evil Spirit, Njavanengadan-Another Form of Very Local Evil Spirit, Kozhiyum Makkalum (Hen & Chicks - The other form of a Local Deity!), Thervazhca & company] for the sudden decaying & demise of the sapling! Here we see & meet millions of Enlightened Minds/Mindsets Which Never See or Appreciate Quality in Any Form-Here Quality Is Kicked Out As Evil! It is a land of Enlightened Ones Where Mediocrity & Banality are the topics of most of the modern day ballad and creativity is almost dead & work ethics totally destroyed! It is the only place on our mother Earth where PEOPLE ARE EXTREMELY BUSY DOING NOTHING & life is the very basics of a human life like FOOD, SHELTER, CLOTHING & A LOT OF GAS!

THE MALAYALI OUTSIDE GOD’S OWN COUNTRY!
The Malayali Outside is some what different; there, he/she is an extremely well-made & efficient creature, well known for his/her education, knowledge & culture! Nobody looks beyond this peripheral beauty of Malayali! The selfish giant that he/she is, will impose upon anyone who is ready to be imposed upon & start the work of sucking off the sap of the imposed one till that point where the imposed one is not in a state of any use to the imposter; then, he/she moves to another hapless creature, to impose on him/her. He/she feigns knowledge, culture & education even in the fields where he/she doesn’t know even the ABCDs!

She will claim that it is because some one switched on the mixer grinder or an iron box one & a half kilometre from where she stands, the power has gone in their locality & the strongest of acids is human urine, which will definitely find some takers, due to the HEARD-KNOWLEDGE of the MALAYALEES! In the case of living in separate houses, it is always better TWO MALAYALEES live at the least with another one – anyone other than a Malayali- between their houses, lest that locality will never see peace again!

She will use water wastefully, as they are used to in their God’s Own Country, and pretend to he very highly conscious of Cleanliness & Hygiene, despite being extremely poor about these two very important things! She will take bath twice a day & remain unclean most of the day. She seldom uses her hand kerchief & uses some other means to wipe off her running nose! She/he talks aloud about the incompetence the Malayalees have in the matter of English Language & make parodies mocking them; he/she learns to MIMICK a couple of words in English & parrot English in unnecessary places & in awkward situations like where there are no English Speakers! If another Malayali (Trying hard To Become An Enlightened One), who is low in confidence, as far as Spoken English is concerned, speaks or asks something in Malayalam to One of the Enlightened Ones, he/she will pretend that he/she is from America & Speak Chinese English with strong Sinhalese Accent, which no one in the world can understand!

And, it is a pleasure & pain, at the same time, to watch this Great Selfish-Malayali Outside God’s Own Country of Yore move forward, helping no one but oneself, losing a lot and gaining only a trifle in the matter of Real Education, that is LIFE!

THE GODS OF THEIR OWN COUNTRY!

The tragedy occurred in Thekkady, Kerala, in which 45 tourists lost their lives has been be- mourned by thousands all over India. A hasty enquiry into the incident has been initiated. News papers printed out whatever they considered right; news channels made it a sort of celebration. The official version, as always lacking in quality & clarity, tried to blame the tragedy on a couple of people and washed their hands as usual. The people lost their lives never uttered a word of complaint & they never said HOW HAPPY THEY WERE WHEN THE TRAGEDY TOOK THIER SOULS!

The inefficiency of the driver of the boat, the improper design & construction of the ill fated boat, the inefficiency & neglect from the part of the forest guard on the boarding point, the senselessness of the tourists who moved swiftly onto a side of the ill fated boat when they sighted a herd of elephants & a million other THEORIES OF PROBABILITY were circulated & discussed day and night. The person who gave the fitness certificate to the boat came again to inspect the boat after the tragedy & gave it another fitness certificate of perfection. The farce continued with at the least the people of Kerala watching with bated breath.

What people forget is that THE TRAGEDY WAS WAITING TO HAPPEN IN THEKKADY, all these years! And, SUCH TRAGEDIES ARE WAITING TO HAPPEN IN MOST OF THE TOURIST SPOTS IN KERALA! And, people forget this fact too that it is the SHEER LUCK OF THE TOURISTS WHICH SAVE THEIR LIVES DAY IN & DAY OUT IN MOST OF THE TOURIST SPOTS OF KERALA!
When KNOWLEDGE, EFFICIENCY, DEDICATION, STRICT COMPLIANCE TO THE SAFETY STANDARDS & MEASURES, PROPER IMPLEMENTATION OF THE RULES & REGULATIONS, STRICT ADHERENCE TO THE RULES & REGULATIONS & PROPER GUIDANCE have to be the corner stones of ANY QUALITY TOURIST FACILITY OR SPOT , excluding these very things, one will find everything else in OUR GOD’S OWN COUNTRY, KERALA!

When Thattekkad (in Kerala) Boat Tragedy mitigated 18 innocent lives of hapless school children, there too we had enquiry missions & fault finders galore! But, none could give back the precious lives lost. Instead, we got another number of enquiry & inquiry reports. There too we had culprits & irresponsible people in large numbers. But, in a month or so all that happened in Thattekkad was completely forgotten and ALL PATIENTLY WAITED FOR ANOTHER TRAGEDY TO HAPPEN, DUE TO INEFFECIENCY, TILL THEKKADY HAPPENED!

When tourists go for boating all they expect & wish for is enjoyment with 100% safety to their being. But, what is offered is 100% enjoyment without any guarantee provided for one’s safety or life! IN THE TOURIST SPOTS/PLACES OF GOD’S OWN COUNTRY KERALA, THE OFFICIALS ARE THE GODS! What they do or utter is the ULTIMATE TRUTH & WISDOM; the rest is rubbish! In the category of officials, all from the sweeper to the manager are included! When a driver of a tourist department cab (carrying tourists to Rajamala-Munnar) & his chamchas think it is not worthy to stop where there is a water fall, as he is busy to finish the trip as early as possible that he can go to the cinema with his girl friend, he will stop the cab due to the pressure from the passengers -read tourists- for a second or to & then THREATENING THAT HEAVEY BOULDOURS WILL FALL FROM THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN (ANAMALAI) start the cab & leave the place immediately, making the tourists sitting idiots!

When the tourists in the Silent Valley National Park, Palakkad, Kerala start to enjoy the wonderful beauty of the setting sun from the top of the Watch-Tower (Around 5 in the evening!), FROM THE HEAVENS THE GOD - the driver of the forest department vehicle or the qualified guide provided ( the sweeper or a rubber tapper provided from the OFFICE OF THE GODS at the starting point ) from the starting point – for which we have to pay 150/- bucks - THUNDERS THAT it is time to go back as at 7pm we have to be at the staring point as the GUARD GOD at the entry point (1hour downward from the watch-tower) has to run an errand for his drunken friend! In most of the days, at the OFFICE OF THE GODS, the GODS will be busy with MAKING THEMSELVES BUSY THAT NOTHING WORK PROPERLY! WE OFTEN SEE THE GODS MOVING HERE & THERE LIKE LIGHTNING INSIDE THE OFFICE OF THE GODS & ORDINARY MORTALS WAITING THE GODS TO HAVE A PASS TO ENTER THE PARADISE WITH AN AUTHORISED & AUTHORITATIVE GUIDE, WHO IS THE WISDOM PERSONIFIED!

At Parambikulam, Sholayar, Athirappilli & Vazhachal Water Falls and a lot of other tourist spots TOURISTS GO TO ENJOY AT THEIR OWN RISK & PERIL! In most of the tourist places in Kerala, THE SECURITY & SAFETY OF THE TOURIST IS THE LEAST CONSIDERED FACTOR! Everywhere THE TOURIST AUTHORITY GODS (officials = the sweeper to the manager) KEEP DOING WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN DOING ALL THESE YEARS......THAT IS DOING NOTHING! When something tragic happens, THE GODS ENGAGE THEMSELVES IN THE GAME OF “BUCK PASSING” till the tragedy is forgotten!

The tourists seldom remember/think that KERALA IS A PLACE WHERE TORNAEDOS CAN THROW A TRAIN OUT OF ITS TRACK & TAKE A HUNDRED LIVES, COMING FROM NOWHERE! And, they never will know that MOST OF THE BOATS WITH THE TOURISM DEPARTMENT, IF EXAMINED PROPERLY, WILL HAVE ONE FATAL FLAW OR ANOTHER, WHICH WILL COME TO THE PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE ONLY WHEN THERE HAPPENES A TRAGEDY LIKE THAT ONE HAPPENED AT THATTEKKAD OR THEKKADY! And they will never understand that in Kerala (as is in most parts of our dear country India) THE RESCUE OPERATION IS THE COLLECTION OF THE DEAD BODIES, hours after a tragedy strikes! And, the poor tourists will never know that KERALA IS A STATE, WHICH SITS IT’S HANDS VOLUNTARILY TIED IN FRONT, DOING NOTHING ON A VERY DANGEROUS TIME BOMB NAMED MULLAPPERIYAR DAM (Near Which the Thekkady Tragedy occurred!), which can just erase 3 or 4 districts of Kerala in no time, if collapsed! What is known for sure is that the thrifty Keralite will rise as a phoenix from any disaster and move forward in THE TRUST & BELIEF THAT NOTHING TRAGIC WILL HAPPEN........ AGAIN!!!

Irresponsibility Thy Name Is Indian!

Way back, in the very first part of the eighties when Union Carbide in Bhopal killed hundreds of people and damaged thousands of lives, condolences poured in from various parts of the world; only condolences came in truck loads, nothing else! People were left alone to fight against the multinational company on their own with their extremely meagre resources and after a decade or so they got droplets of money for the lives lost and the great suffering they had and the war they waged all those years, whipping out what they had earned in their entire life time! For the company & the powers that be it was nothing but just an accident; nothing more than that! It could have been an extremely different story if this same thing had happened in any of the so called developed countries!

When the answer sheets of a group of students who appeared for their degree exams disappeared into thin air -so it is told!- and they were frequenting the corridors of the university a million times to have their problem rectified that they can move forward, no living soul in the university was in the know of the things and no one was responsible for their disappeared answer papers; the students visited the university premises daily as if it was their uncle's house! Everyday they went into the university premises their University Uncle told them to come the very next day as to get their problem solved; it took only a couple of weeks for these hapless students to learn that the University Uncle was well versed in Puranas as Lord Ganapathi learned his father's (Lord Shiva) written promise that "Your Marriage Will Be Solemnised TOMMORROW!" is never going to be fulfilled as the written promise says his marriage will be solemnised TOMMORROW and each day he went to his father carrying this written promise, his father will read aloud the written promise he had given to his son and ask him to come TOMMORROW, as it was when, in the WRITTEN PROMISE, Lord Ganapathi's marriage was PROMISED TO BE SOLMENISED!

The man who had an operation to be performed on his left thigh went into the operation theatre fully loaded and came back with one of his kidneys removed and his right eye operated upon for the removal of (a non-existent!) cataract! The hospital termed it just a mistake after the man complained about some urinal & eye problems and visited another hospital, after a month or so after the operation, to find out to his utter shock that he was robbed of his kidney and his eye sight may never return! The hospital then termed it as a Simple Mistake by which the doctor who operated upon him took him for another patient and did what was to be for "The Other Patient!" After all, according to the hospital, the operation was successful and the charge they squeezed out of the patient for the wrong operation too was quite agreeable! And, according to the hospital sources, a person can comfortably live with one kidney; and living with a kidney-less is not going to have any impact on the patient! And the Very Considerate & Good Samaritan Hospital gave him a Booklet Free in a well attended & well publicised ceremony which had a humanitarian title which read "Living With A Single Kidney With The Other One Lost In An Accidental Operation!"

When the train, scheduled to arrive at 8.30 in the evening, arrived one & a half hours late, little did he know that the EFFICIENCY & SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY of Somebody in the Indian Railways, who "Thoroughly Calculated To Delay Signal For His Particular Train, A Couple Of Times", would cost him his life, as he was shot dead in the middle of the city "BY SOME UNIDENTIFIED PEOPLE", who presumed in his bag he was carrying something very valuable, where actually was a couple of his dress & a couple of magazines & books! Making passengers get down at the stations, at UNSAFE HOURS, when the arrival time is scheduled & announced to be SAFE HOURS, is never considered to be a problem of any serious nature. The death of that passenger & the like things can not & never should be blamed on the train arriving late, the well calculating signal men, the lack of security for the common people and the other sorts of things that are too common to be mentioned! After all how can one BLAME THE KILLING OUTSIDE THE RAILWAY PREMISES IN BANGALORE ON THE WELL INTENDED & WELL CALCULATING & HUGELY EFFICIENT SIGNAL MAN AT THE COIMBATORE, ERODE & SALEM STATIONS?! The killing is definitely OUT OF THEIR JURISDICTION! What about the hundreds of other travellers who save their skins by the skin of their teeth, fighting the Evil Auto Wallahs (Auto Drivers) and the Anti Social Elements, SOMEHOW REACH THEIR DESTINATIONS, AT UNSAFE HOURS, AFTER ALIGHTING FROM THEIR SAFE-HOURLY SCHEDULED TRAINS?! Is there anybody RESPONSIBLE for all these things? "A VERY BIG NO" is the INDIAN ANSWER to this STUPID QUESTION!!!

'The Monsoon was Termed a Killer' as the poor man around his YOUTHFUL SIXTY coming after his duty in the night, around 7.30pm, on his scooter, at the Whirl Wind Speed of 30-40 Kilometres an Hour, fell into a water filled trench which was full of water due to Monsoon, and got drowned! The extremely intelligent police (PINPOINTEDLY & HAIR-SPLITTINGLY ACCURATELY!) suspected that he might have LOST CONTROL of his vehicle (Who Might Not Have Lost Control When One Is Riding A Scooter In A Monsoon Season At A Speed of 30-40 Kilometre an Hour and is Aged 60?!) after slipping on the mud removed from the pit and fallen into the water logged drain! Though the Well Efficient Bruhat Bangalore Mahanagara Palike (BBMP)’s “SIMPLE NEGLIGENCE" was there, as it was the BBMP which had dug the trench and left it uncovered, it was the Monsoon which is and is to be blamed for the murder, as it is the Monsoon which filled the uncovered trench with water that caused the death! The lost life was mourned by the bereaved family as the open trench was kept / remained open, waiting for other hapless victims!

The police nabbed the persons who killed the merchant, in a couple of days after the murder, and PROVED THEIR EFFICIENCY & SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY; they also got the better off the gang, which stole bikes regularly from the metro and sold creating fake documents for years; though these people were known to have stolen hundreds of bikes, only five were recovered by the police; and the owners were yet to come forward! EVERYONE IS PROUD OF & IMPRESSED BY THE EFFICIENCY & SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY OF OUR POLICE! But this same efficient police failed to nab the culprit who stole the THIRUVABHARANAM (DIVINE ORNAMENT!) from a very famous temple, in South India; they also failed to find who stole the MAIN IDOL from another famous temple, in South India! In the last two cases the ALL EFFICIENT POLICE FAILED ONLY BECAUSE IF THEY NABBED A PERSON BLAMING THAT THE PARTICULAR PERSON STOLE ONE OF THE TWO OBJECTS JUST MENTIONED ABOVE, THEY HAD TO RECOVER THE STATED THING, WHICH IS POSSIBLE ONLY WHEN THE STOLEN OBJECT IS CAPTURED FROM THE STEALER! And, one has to remember that IN THE CASE OF MURDER IT IS NOT NECESSARY THAT THE DEAD PERSON IDENTIFY HIS OR HER KILLER, AS DEAD BODIES SELDOM SPEAK! Hence, EFFICIENCY & SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY IS HEAVILY DEPENDENT ON CERTAIN CRIMES ONLY!! Oh What An EFFICIENCY & SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY!!

When he bought the cola from the shop little did he think that it will be an advertisement for Family Planning! When he uncorked the bottle and had a couple of sips from the all energising drink he never even dreamed that the next thing which will come near his lips would be something which is seen in totally different terrains! To his shock he found a "CONDOM" in his Energy Drink! "What a Cool Idea!", "What Creativity!", "Really Wonderful Experience!".....All these things he never thought! He felt like vomiting! He Never Suspected that Ad Guys Had Gone This Innovative! "May be this ad is targeting cola drinking youth!", some one suggested! "It is ‘For A Cola A Condom Free’ Marketing Strategy!” commented another expert! He wondered if all these sayings are true, why should he have PURE DIRT in the bottom of the second bottle of cola he purchased!?! The company must have acknowledged that it was a Simple Mistake from their part or an accident, as IT IS FROM CONDOMS & DIRT COLAS ARE MADE; forget about the TOXIC ITEMS AUTHORITIES FOUND & UNFOUND IN THE EARLIER VERSIONS OF COLAS!

It took only 22 years to get “a Finished Verdict” in that particular case, where his neighbour encroached upon 5 feet of his land, next to the Mango Tree, near his kitchen! He started the legal battle to get justice when his only son was just born; as he didn’t have enough money to fight legally against his wealthy neighbour who encroached upon his land, he borrowed money from a money lender and started his battle against the injustice & hooliganism done against him! Little did he expect that what would be ensuing would be something which would last till his son grew up to finish his Master’s in Chemistry and something which would put him back by SOME LAKHS OF INDIAN CURRENCY! But, before all these things came The Stay Order, which proclaimed that STATUS QUO should be maintained on the DISPUTED TERRITORY, which literally made HIS OWN LAND INACCESSIBLE TO HIM FOR A LOT OF YEARS TO COME! The case got postponed or extended for one reason or the other for a lot of years and then it went, at regular intervals, from one court to the higher ones! He was relieved when he got the Final Judgement in 22 years, when there were thousands of cases pending, even after 25 or 30 years of fierce legal battles; he also learned happily that he got his Final Judgement, when there were MORE THAN 3 CRORES OF CASES PENDING in various courts, all over India! He learned that there were cases, thousands of them, which were closed when the parties who were contesting passed away due to illness related to old age and some cases got settled out of the court as the non-existent members of the warring parties, who were not there when the cases began, took birth, grew up, fell in love and got married to each other! Though he was relieved, he thought whether the saying “Justice delayed Is Justice denied!” is significant in India or not, as it seemed EVEN JUSTICE DELAYED BY DECADES SEEMED RESPONSIBILTY & EFFICIENCY PERSONIFIED, IN INDIA!

With the strength of the medical policy his company had given him, he got himself admitted to a very famous hospital which was on the list of hospitals recommended by his medical policy, when he failed to stop dysentery, most probably due to food poisoning! They had checks & re-checks & re-rechecks that they identify the problem! They asked him to keep himself there for further tests and elongate his stay there that they help him out of his problem; as it was the policy which was footing the bill he obeyed obediently! The doctor, after a couple of days, told him that he suspected the BAAL TB (TB affecting children) HE HAD BEFORE THE AGE OF FIVE might be creating problems, though now he was 28! The doctor asked for some more tests that he could be 100% sure what this BAAL TB was doing there! After 15 days' of tests, re tests, analysis and all other sorts of things he exited from the hospital, relived of his illness, re assured by the doctor that he had no traces of BAAL TB he had when he was barely five years old, emaciated but with a strong will to fight BAAL TB if it comes back, with his policy footing the 40000/- hospital bill! As advised by the doctor he took a 15 day rest, as well, to rejuvenate himself! But, when he returned to his company it was not interested in him, as he had more than one month's absence to his credit! Citing the weight loss, though he weighed more than what he weighed when he joined the company for the first time, he was kept out of work & pay, which made him quit the job with no alternate option! Anyway, he was thankful to the GOOD DOCTOR, who PAINSTAKINGLY SPENT 15 DAYS FOR HIM to ascertain that there were no traces of BAAL TB in him!!!

We, in India, have an extremely large number of persons, teachers, psephologists, astrologists, institutions, departments, companies, stores, hospitals, universities, governments & what not, which do certain things (most of the things!) which SPOIL or DESTROY EDUCATION, CAREER, HEALTH, WEALTH, ENVIRONMENT, LIFE, THE FUTURE OF THE HUMAN PERSON and what not with never having any responsibility and do whatever they like with impunity! No one or nobody is ever held responsible for the sorts of above mentioned acts of crime, as all these crimes against human beings are seen and considered in lighter vein! They seldom get mentioned; and if mentioned at all, the perpetrators will escape with little damage to their person or status and KEEP DOING WHAT THEY ALL HAVE BEEN "DOING IRRESPONSIBLY" ALL THESE YEARS! LET US BUILD OR KEEP BUILDING A THOROUGHLY IRRESPONSIBLE INDIA! LET’S CONTRIBUTE OUR MITE TO THE BUILDING OF A MIGHTY IRRESPONSIBLE INDIA!

His Master’s Voice – Legally!

The man hacked  his neighbour to death and buried him under a Banyan tree; the other fellow kicked his friend out of his life and ran away for cover with police close at his heels; the fisherman kidnapped the other person's daughter, to have a kid with her as he could not give a kid to his wife; the butcher butchered the person who came to his house regularly, as he was suspicious of an illicit relationship going on between him and his wife; the man poured boiled water onto the plants his neighbour was growing, secretly in the nights, as his wife didn’t like plants & greenery on the other side of the fence; the wife arranged an exorcist to exorcise the evil in the house and the exorcist cleaned the house worth lacks of rupees and disappeared from the scene, applying  chloroform on the participants; the man stopped talking to his mother and treated her as a street wench and never greeted her as his wife was never in comfort with her mother-in-law; he started to drink regularly and come home & shout at his neighbours, from the roof tops, as his wife liked her husband bullying her hapless neighbours; he killed his paramour's husband as she (BIBI/WIFE of the killed person!) didn’t like him & wanted him to be killed!

 

All this above mentioned things happened thanks to the orders or the wishes of the all knowing & extremely logical wives of people, who were either participants or supporters of their wives’ good & educated wishes; and, all these men knew, it is Underneath Their Wives' Feet Their Heaven Lies! All this because, they perfectly understood without their wives' wishes being given, they can not breath oxygen on the surface of our mother Earth! They also understood that they have to jump into Mariana Trench unprotected if one's wife asks so or try to hit a running train off it's tracks with one's head, if one's wife demands so! One also knows that one has to fetch the flower KALYANA SOUGANDHIGAM somehow, if one's wife is bent on having one, come what may; one has the story of the MIGHTY BHIMA going to bring the same as and when asked by a very feminine Draupathi, deeply written inside one’s mind! And, not to forget, one's wife tells the story a million times a day to remind one of his DUTIES TO HER! And one is SO LOYAL to her that he never forgets it is under HER ALL KNOWING FEET HIS HEAVEN IS!

 

Hence, it came as no surprise to all these above mentioned people & the millions like them when the Apex Court declared "Bibi joh boltee hai woh suno (Listen to whatever your wife says) as otherwise it could land you in trouble. Because, if you do not listen to her, you will suffer the consequences" & "If your wife asks you to put your face that side, put it that side. If she says, put it this side, then put it this side. Otherwise you will face trouble. HUM SAB BHOGI HAIN (We are all sufferers!)".  The wives all over India welcomed whole heartedly the statement from the vacation bench & they once again made their Loyal Husbands remember that it is What They Say They have To Do & Nothing Else or Else Be Ready To Suffer As It Is Legal Now That If The Husband Do Not Follow The Order/Rule of The Wife Word by Word, It is Destined that He Suffer 24/7 & The Wife Has The Right To Make The Husband Suffer, That The Hell Itself Become Ashamed!

 

Hence, from now onwards it is legalised that one can do anything one likes to do and blame it on one's wife that even if  what is done is a serious crime, one can go scot free as & if it is the will of one's wife! All should non-sensibly execute whatever their wife or wife-to-be says and attain Nirvana! Because, according to those in the thick of the matter or we call knowledgeable people, it is unconditional, insensible & illogical subjugation to their women folk that is the secret of BLISS or NIRVANA or HEAVEN! "Yes we know it is the Ultimate Truth!” that is what each and every man says all over India! One will seriously doubt whether the Judge or Judges who proclaimed these things were saying or presenting WHAT THEIR WIVES SHOULD HAVE ASKED THEM TO SAY OR PROCLAIM, as who will SAY NO to DIVINE INTERVENTIONS and WHO CAN? And, one must know pretty well what will happen if one dare to disobey one’s JUDICIALLY UNTRAINED WIFE!! As we mortals always strive for HEAVEN & not HELL after this life, doing Poojas & saying our Prayers regularly, how can we create Hell in our lives while we are alive, as achieving BLISS or HEAVEN is as simple as dancing to the tune of one's wife!

Satyam....Sivam....Sundaram!

"Satyam Crashed.....Investors Fooled/Tricked!", the head line read! "The Person Behind All The Satyam Turmoil Arrested!”, stated another media arm! "The Man Behind Satyam Fraud Detained!", crooned another one! But, he was surprised when he READ NOTHING about SIVAM & SUNDARAM! He didn’t understand why in "the very Indian SATYAM (Truth!), SIVAM (Sublime!), SUNDARAM (Beautiful!)", only the one in SATYAM is accused of, day & night, grave misdoings!! He asked, "Was only the person in SATYAM bad, not those in SIVAM & SUNDARAM?!" And, he also learned from the news papers & channels that the antonym of Satyam is Maytas and NOT ASATYAM (Untruth!)! He was really surprised!

After a very vigorous Witch Hunt the Authorities got ONLY the Satyam Man in their net; no one else in this entire universe is in any way related to the fraud & in no other company anything like the Satyam Thing is happening, they found out!!For the last eight or so years Satyam has been cheating all, doing WHAT IS NOT TO BE DONE with the books of the company, that is what came out, all of a sudden, all over the places! Over night, one of the icons of IT Industry turned villain; the one every one tried to emulate turned not worth emulation! His name too became taboo! And, that too in the speed of thought! Everybody, who till the previous day slept over the CRIMES THE SATYAM GUY HAD BEEN COMMITTING woke up all of a sudden, and started criticising everything he did from his date of birth! Those persons, who eulogised him incessantly for his perseverance, vision, dedication, trustworthiness, efficiency and above all his capacity to build an iconic company such as Satyam from the scrap, all of a sudden vanished into thin air & from that thin air came demons of criticism & ill wishers & all! And, then, as the days withered, came analyses, discussions, reports, detailed stories & truck loads of things about the things happened & happening in Satyam!

All those evil things were done by a single man, media trumpeted! Giving statistics, as usual, they elaborated on how many crores of Indian rupees got evaporated and how many would lose their jobs, all due to this trickster's game! No body was bothered to think & inform people that A Single Person Can Not Do All These Things Singlehandedly, and that too this long! Then, after a couple of weeks, came in a name PWc or Price Waterhousecoopers, an American MNC, which was there with Satyam all these eight years as Auditors! That is, it this MNC which has audited & presented Satyam Books for the last eight years or so; and, without the full knowledge and cooperation of PWc, nothing could have reached this stage of Total Destruction! Hence, one should know that this MNC PWc , at the least, equally qualify for whatever guilt & all is showered on Satyam! Or else, we can say that if PWc had done their job, the Satyam Tragedy could have been averted; that means, PWc is the criminal behind the Satyam debacle and we cannot blame it on the person who built Satyam!

What he did is whatever one will do in an act of distress; what he did is what one will do if one's calculations go astray, in a very wild fashion! And, as we all know & are taught "Its Human To Err!" He did & executed his calculations successfully for a very long time; and one day he got all of them wrong & got entangled in the net he himself has created; then, started the struggle to survive-the survival of the fittest etc.! Whatever there was in his capacity he did, thinking one day all his problems would be solved by his calculations, as he had done a million times before! But, all his efforts came to a naught; he got caught in the act before his sharp calculations could have saved him his blushes! All these things would be for him Strictly Personal, as he must have considered his Satyam as his personal property, as it was he who created this iconic company and it was he who breathed life breath into it and nurtured it into what it is in the present, SINGLE HANDEDLY! Hence, what he had done with the company should have been something like his personal choice of going for a luxurious lunch instead of a diet meal! Everything related to the company must have been something of a personal asset for him or he should have considered so! Hence, the mistake or the blunder he committed would have been some sort of a personal error for him & what he would have done is nothing more than fixing the personal error he has committed.............nothing more than that! Any human being will do the same in personal things or "considered personal things!"

The entity to be blamed here thoroughly is PWc, who audited Satyam for eight long years "without knowing" the misdeeds done by the founder! How come such an MNC like PWc fall into the ditch of inefficiency, unprofessional inexactitude and dereliction of duty and stay there unmoved, for the last eight years? How come all these years they simply gulped down whatever is dished out to them by the Satyam Man? How come the other regulatory instruments like SEBI etc. never found anything fishy in Satyam all these Long Eight Years?! In every system, it is/should be the regulators who make the going good, smooth & efficient! If they fail miserably & continuously, it is no man's fault that the loop holes get exploited! And, we can not say if the loop holes are loop holes or not until someone says so or proves so! Hence, the regulatory mechanism in place SHOULD take the responsibility for the Satyam Crash, for, if it had done its duty correctly & efficiently the Satyam incident should not have taken place, in the first place! The auditors PWc should not be allowed to escape the main responsibility of this happening & their licence should be revoked, world over, that such things won’t happen again. They should not be allowed to go scot free, as most probably is going to happen, with the sacrifice of a couple of scape goats at the altar of Justice, as they are immune to all the punishments, due to their American Tag!

Now, only Satyam is seen in extremely bad light! All the other things & companies under the thin surface of existing system look too gentle, calm, great and justice & truth personified! What we SHOULD ask is "CAN/WILL IT BE?!" Satyam stands alone, in the present, aloof & tarnished among all the GOOD & GENTLE GUYs! What all happened in the Licence Raj of Yester Years & How Government Changes Impacted the Companies in those days and how business families celebrated “their party's elevation to the power at the centre” & how they "LEGALLY utilised Their Central Governments" are no more secrets! And, What Morally & Ethically Straight & Lawful things were done to develop & improve business & companies in that era is no more in the classified territory! And, we know, How Many Of The Titans of Today's Indian Industry Legally Fought Many A Battle With Their Rivals, with the backing of “Their Governments at the Centre” & How These Titans Came into Existence & Became Titans! We even have films exclusively dedicated to those "Legally, Morally & Ethically Sound Industrial Wars of Yore!" And, we know, excluding the present day IT Giants, all the present giants of business were participants of those "Great Ethical and Legally & Morally Sound Battles!" We are forced to remember P. B. Shelly, as "If Stupid, Inefficient & Gullible Regulators Are Here, Can Fraud Be Far Behind?!", echoes in the Heavens! Let us, for the time being, pretend that it is only SATYAM that is tainted, not SIVAM & SUNDARAM!

The Taxing of the people!

It’s high time that the governments start thinking in a positive and at the same time sensible ways. Long years have gone without this particular basic problem been addressed. Not a man worth his salt has ever thought or stated about this thing that those in the corridors of power listened. The man who touched the limit of one lakh and exceeded it by a wafer-thin margin gets taxed by the ever-cautious government; lest the opportunity to serve the commonest of the common people stands jeopardized. Its been stated that as the government is the sole responsible authority which enabled the person qualify for the job, and before that, the government helped that particular job recruit the persons it has recruited, he has got, it becomes his duty to pay back when he reaches a paltry some of One Lakh, a year.

Even a fool knows a lakh a year is something just equal to fifteen to twenty thousand rupees a couple of years ago; and the purchasing power it has got is something very negligible. Most of the time, the purchasing power of one lakh is well below the twenty thousand of yesteryears. A piece of land costs eight, nine or even ten lakh now when the same had a value of just one lakh, a couple of years back. Hence, how come the government understood its one lakh that is the point, which if exceeded should be taxed? Every man who lives on this planet is entitled to have a dwelling to get inside and take rest; and what are his chances of getting a good or hygienic house in his life-time? You can’t say one can have a great house in Heaven, if you suffer miserably in this life, without having a good shelter for you and your family!

One has to think also about the chances of one landing a financial help from the financial institution for a home of medium quality with a salary of one lakh a year. Where will one find the “ASSET” , one is asked to put as a guarantee or an assurance when one goes to “APPLY” those soft loans which one might land by sheer chance? And if one by God’s grace lands a loan at all, think of the interest rates, compound interest and all the catches & strings which will barge into the loan which automatically makes the loan totally unviable and idiotic. If one has to live the life of a human being, it’s imperative to have a good shelter matching the standards of human beings; and, it’s not for the basic amenities like food, water and clothing human being is born into this world. To live the life of a human being, he needs something more than the bare essentials. For that one needs to have “ASSETS”, which will further the quality of life one is entitled in this world.

Assets like knowledge (education of good quality etc.), property (land etc.), quality (in anything and everything), good standard job with good pay scale (that one can start asset accumulation) and all the things that are of standard and quality other than the basic necessities, including the basic necessities, are in great short supply. And the government assumes ignorance and trumpets the great things of past and the great future which is to be, that the present suffers and suffers like anything without getting anything back in their life time; just day dreaming to the end of the great things, which will be offered one day, never knowing that the promised things and days will never ever come in their life time! It’s like the king who walked naked among his people thinking he is dressed in fine apparel, which only, as the wicked and cunning tailors made the king believe, wise and intelligent people can see! He had to be woken up to his senses by a small boy, who screamed on the top of his voice that the king was naked! Here, the ordinary people are walking naked, thinking that they are parading, wearing a great dress made of the finest of the things in the world, which is only visible to the wise and intelligent men, as been told by the respective finance ministers and the governments (tailors who are selected by the nakedly-parading people to tailor their future!)

Asset creation is the most important thing one should be able to do in his life time, which is before the age touches fifty, and he should be in a position to enjoy the wealth he has created in his life time, when he can standardize his life quality-wise and enjoy the wealth he has created. If one struggles to create wealth or assets all his life and somehow manages to have something of the wealth or assets he dreamed of in “his good old days” by the time he dies and enjoys what he created only in the death-bed in the form of medical benefits and the benefits his family will get after his death due to the policies he had taken in his life time as a form of asset creation, what is the benefit he gets in his life time? Asset creation is and should be the most important thing one person should focus his entire attention on and as fast as he can create the asset of some value that he can start living a standard life. From then only should the Tailors of Yore start squeezing people directly in the name of whatever they say they are taxing people right and left. The common people should understand and fight for their “Right for Wealth and Asset Creation” and let all other things, which the Tailors of Yore say are the first priority, take a back seat. It is the right of the person to live a quality life which should create wealth and assets that can be enjoyed when one should be in a condition where one is not a burden on anyone else’ shoulders. To that point should the Tailors lead the people as they claim they are the leaders who lead those who elected them to the very right direction and to the right point!

It is well understood that an amount less than five lakh in one’s personal account is just nothing, thanks to the inflationary pressures and its only an amount not less than ten lakh may be counted as some sort of an asset or wealth. And, how many, one should think, have these sorts of amount with them that they can consider themselves wealth or asset creator? How many can afford a piece of land which costs above five lakh, leave alone the amount one has to spend creating a house on the land purchased? This being the ground situation, how come the governments which rule the millions in the name of development, up gradation of life, quality of living standards and a million other sugar-coated words, start taxing people when one crosses the one lakh limit imposed by those who say they stand for the people? How come this simple principle of “wealth and asset creation” got completely forgotten by those who profess by the strength of education they got and the experience they have in handling everything that is in some way connected to quality and standard? How come the so-called intelligentsia, the wise people and those committed to the well being of the people so long never thought of these things and feign total ignorance of these matters of utmost importance? Is life a matter of “trying to create wealth and asset to the last moment of one’s life and never living a life of a human being at all?” And, one is surprised by the ease with which the life of common people is downgraded by the minute by those who are there to protect and upgrade the one and only life one is entitled to live on this once green beautiful planet. Sometimes one wonder whether these people who do all these things to make people suffer have some nexus with ‘the supposed world above’ that only these people have the knowledge of the greater mansions and wealth and assets people of this earth will inherit, who live here sub-standard and die here sub-standard!

Please Note: As this essay was written almost 2 years back, Rs.1 lakh is stated to be the amount from where it’s taxable; though the amount is raised to 1.5 lakh last year, it doesn’t make any difference in the ground situation, and actually, the situation has turned more troublesome!

Bank Demons Of India!

Even 2 months after the Reserve Bank of India (RBI) reduced the Cash Reserve Ratio (CRR), the banks are maintaining the high interest rates they have been charging for around 2 years now! It is pathetic to know that the authorities and the government have turned a blind eye towards this, one should say, criminal act! All these banks -including the nationalised banks- had hugely increased the interest rates on the Already Loan Taken Customers, citing a million reasons, a couple of years back! All those poor guys, who took the loans at around 7% woke up one fine morning learning that they are paying around 11% or more on the loans taken at the FIXED INTEREST RATE of around 7%!

As they -most of them- had taken loans for the time durations of 15-20+ years and they had no options at their disposal to clear off the debt just at the same moment - as they were not Bill Gates, Ambanis, Soroses & Buffetts - they knew the LARGE SCALE CHEATING with the support of the POWERS THAT BE, they have been forced to pay whatever percent of interest the banks have been FORCEFULLY SQUEEZING OUT OF THEIR EXISTANCE! They were shown some charts and writings in HYROGLIPHICS & CUNIFORM to prove that there is a situation that forces the banks to SQUEEZE THEIR EXISTANCE HARD! A lot of persons defaulted and banks collected their BOOTY and swelled their bottom lines! The prices of the bank shares sky rocketed and there were wars waged on Dalal Street to corner a chunk of the Heavenly Priced Bank Shares, as they plundered the poor, hapless customers!

Then, there was a lending spree...! Great offers were showered on unsuspecting persons that they jump from the top of a precipice, believing in the false promises & offers of the Banks Turned Demons and found themselves scattered in at the least 25 cents of land area! Great Offers were promised most of the time in the upper brackets of 18% and more! They MARKETED BULLSHIT in beautifully decorated covers, for princely sums! There were more than enough FINANCIAL INSTRUMENTS in the market to CATER TO THE BRILLIANT CUSTOMERS - That was what the poor, unsuspecting, easily gullible customers were called in those days! Everybody, even those without having any need of BORROWED MONEY, took hundreds of thousands paying 18, 19, 20 and more percent of interest! Borrowing money for insensibly stupendous rate of interest became a fashion statement; it would be better, if we say, such foolish things were promoted as FADS by the banks & the media! And, the SUPREME BEING GOVERNMENT never uttered a word about the LOOTTING/FLEECING of the customers!

Then, there were GREAT PROMOTIONS RUN to develop the sense of spending using CREDIT CARDS! This CONVENIENT INSTRUMENT was promoted as the BE ALL & END ALL OF ALL THE GREAT THINGS in the financial industry! People were offered credit for JUST AS LITTLE AS 2.5 to 3 percent of interest, on credit cards! People, who didn’t have money to buy anything paying cash, resorted to THIS QUALITY BORROWING METHOD with ONLY 2.5 to 3 percent of interest! Very soon after the borrowing they understood, it would have been better to be an ABHIMANYU IN THE CHAKRAVYUHA than a borrower using credit card, as, even if there were chances of ESCAPE FROM THE CHAKRAVYUHA no one ever escaped from the credit card induced borrowing, which made millions heavily incapacitated & mortally damaged! What the POOR BRILLIANT CUSTOMERS seldom knew when they borrowed on the credit card, PAYING ONLY 2.5 or 3 PERCENT INTEREST was they pay THIS PALTRY PERCENT of INTEREST for a month and not a year, as the usual practice of interest calculation is! Hence, most of them paid 36% to 46% of interest annually for the amount they borrowed using credit card! And, here too, the SUPREME BEING GOVERNMENT never uttered a word about the LOOTTING/FLEECING of the unsuspecting & defenceless customers!

Then came THE CRUNCH! As people say, "All these things started in the U.S!" People were told THE CRUNCH won’t come to India, as it is not at all interested in coming to India as it is FULLY AMERICAN! But, as usual, against the GREAT PREDICTIONS of the FINANCIAL VISIONARIES of INDIA it found its way to India! People started feeling the pinch; they lost jobs; they reduced spending; they reduced borrowing etc. Money almost disappeared from the market as RBI tightened its grip on the money circulation to curtail a rising inflation rate; it increased the CRR of the banks. Citing THIS REASON banks increased the interest rates again! People almost stopped borrowing at exorbitant rates, thrust upon the poor, defenceless customer! With the inflation under control and spending on the downward spiral, RBI reduced the CRR substantially! The very next moment BANK DEMONS reduced the interest rates of all the deposits they have taken, saying they have huge surpluses due to the CRR REDUCTION! But those, who borrowed from the banks, were forced to PAY INTEREST THROUGH THEIR NOSES, continuously! They never got any reduction in the rates in which they pay their interest! They could not understand why the BANK DEMONS are not willing to reduce the rate of interest for their old customers, as they have been paying hugely excessive rates of interest for the money taken on a totally different & substantially lower rate of interest, years back! They even failed to understand the logic which states 'when there is a rise in CRR there is a huge rise in the interest rates and when there is a downward spiral in CRR there is NO REDUCTION IN THE INTEREST RATES!' Whoever said "Sarvam Maya..Jagath Mithya!" must be right here too, as these POOR BORROWERS understand at their own peril! It is time to re write John Keats as we see the Modern Day Knight Being Told "La Demon Bank Sans Merci...Hath Thee In Thrall!"

The Cultural Revolution in India!

All of a sudden there is a surge in the number of Cultural Upholders & Moral Police in the Secular Indian Republic! Now a day, in India it is stated that "It rains Moralists & Culturalists!" They are having a field day, all over India! And, the Anti Social Elements like lovers, pub-goers, socialites, born-free-men & the likes are running for covers as this Moral Brigade marches ahead against all that is Lawful, Low-Abiding & Orderly! All the Moral Police is Hooting is about the Indian Culture & the invasion of other cultures! And, these people also claim that they have the support of a large chunk of the Indian Society, which is so concerned about its culture getting eroded!

If these people are really bent on CLEANSING the ALIEN CULTURES, they should start with the cleansing of whatever is left of the Aryan Culture, which literally destroyed the Ancient Culture of India (Which is One of the Oldest in the World!), Dravidian Culture, which was existing in the Indus Valley, long before the Aryans Arrived from central Asia and destroyed it! And, if these Culturalists really want to start the Cleansing, it is better they start a war against Pakistan, as most of the areas where Indus Valley Civilisation thrived is now in the possession of the nation, Pakistan! It is always better they start at the roots; and, one can be sure that these Moral Preachers will catch the next bus to Pakistan to Really start Their Divine Job of Cleansing the Indian Culture! It is also heard that these Moral Police is spending billions (Sorry, we should use Lakhs & Crores instead of Billions, as it is against the Indian Culture!) to invent a Time Machine (Sorry again, as it should be "Samay Ka Gaadi! Or it should be something else, as Hindi too is from an alien culture-Aryan!) that they can go to past & CORRECT THINGS to their choice & wisdom!

We should altogether STOP (Or else they will make us stop!) using machines like bicycles, computers, vehicles, television, refrigerator, air planes, telephone, microphones, loudspeakers, digital calculator, mobile phone, Pepsi, Coco Cola, Vicks, Anti Cancer Drugs, Drugs of the Foren (Instead of Foreign!) Drug Companies and we should stop playing Cricket (Developed & Promoted by the British!) and most of all other games, as all of them are of alien cultures and should STOP learning physics, chemistry, psychology, electronics, zoology, genetics, economics etc. as they all are from alien cultures! People SHOULD STOP drinking Soda Water as it is against Indian Culture! We should NEVER USE photography, print media, steel, plastic, internet etc., as all these things belong to Foren (Instead of Foreign!) Cultures! We Should CALL BACK all the Indians who have gone outside the country to find a job or whatever and force them to settle in India (Let them live here as jobless but cultured!) or else we should label them as OUT CASTS and terminate their Indian citizenship, as they are NOT AT ALL SUPPOSED TO CROSS THE OCEANS OF INDIAN CULTURE!

We should START PROMOTING Bullock Cart Racing and start promoting Bullock Cart Fast Travel! We should ONLY write things in 'Olaas' (Leaves) instead of paper and we should ONLY USE PIGEONS as our 'Letter (Sorry, 'Olaa' or Letters written on Leaves!) Carriers'; we SHOULD NEVER TREAT ANY DEADLY MALADY but have to go in search of the sorcerer or black magician who cures all these things! On should never wear anything created by power looms and one should always wear (If possible!) ONLY LOIN CLOTH, as it perfectly fits with our moral policy of cultural promotion and of course, loin cloth is 100% Indian (Make sure it is NOT MADE on Power looms to avoid the wrath of the Moral Police!) We should never learn things other than those same things learned by those people who lived three or four thousand years back! We should be as backward as those people thousands of years back were; or else (Even if we are a wee bit advanced than those people) it will heavily infuriate the Moral Police! And, we can not hold the Moral Police responsible for whatever they do in the RAGE TO INSTALL/REINSTALL our EXACT CULTURE, which existed four or five or six thousand years back! Don’t doubt their Moral Integrity!

As is our Indian Culture (According to the Very Right -Pun Not Intended- Moral Police!) we should promote the OLDEST PROFESSION as we had that institution running in hordes in our culture, long back! We should start giving SEXUAL LESSONS (Even Practical!) to the girls aged 8 or 9, if they are FAT ENOUGH, based on our VERY CULTURAL KAMA SUTRA! We should, in effect & by force, restart, in a large scale, the Devadasi System and we should promote Child and if possible Kid Marriages, as they all strictly belong to Our Culture! We should Forcefully Restart the BEAUTIFUL CULTURAL ITEM 'SATI' (In which the living wife (Widow) throws herself to the pyre of her deceased husband!) and develop our Indian Culture (Let the British be Dammed - as they belonged to another culture! - who along with Raja Ram Mohan Roy somewhat finished off this BEAUTIFUL CULTURAL JEWEL OF INDIA - 'SATI!') We should start schools where our girls are made to LEARN THE TECHNIQS of SEDUCTION (Where the GANIGAS/Professionals for the flesh trade were made!), as was the case with The GOOD OLDEN DAYS! We should always do whatever is done in Those Good Old Days and say great things about our women folk and keep them always subservient!

We should say we think & respect women/girls as Goddesses, as it is in our CULTURE, and at the same time behave towards them as Instruments of Pleasure & Thankless Service! Hence, when a group of women is molested in front of their family, in Our Financial Capital on the new years' eve and the photographs of that heinous act are spread the width & breadth of our country, when in a Mangalore Pub girls are beaten into pulp by the hooligans, in full media glare, when a girl of barely fifteen is raped & killed in Goa, WE SHOULD TRUST the MORAL POLICE'S saying and report that “ALL THOSE CULTURELESS PEOPLE WERE TAUGHT A LESSON BY THE MORALITY UP KEEPERS!”

FAR BETTER OPTIONS FOR INDIA OTHER THAN WASTING TIME ON PAKISTAN

My mom finished matriculation and went for Malayalam (The Language Used by the Keralites) Vidhuan (Scholarly Studies)! However, she didn't complete it. She got married to my dad, who was working in Bombay at that time! Then, I was born, in Vile Parle, Bombay! We were a middle class family. As years went on, my father got a fantastic job in one of the gulf countries, and we were sent packing to the state, where my parents were born. When we settled down in Kerala, somehow my mom picked up fights with one of our new neighbours! We had, from our other neighbours, vilified stories about this particular neighbour, who according to them, even worshiped the evil spirit (Kutti Chathan or Chota Chathan!)

They told she even was an enchantress who seduced males by the help of the evil spirits she worshiped! She had a magical powder with her that would be used in the food stuff she offered to others including the neighbours, that she could control them and make them do whatever she wished, we were told in whispers! And, we had our ears full of stories in which she defeated males in fist fights & guerrilla fighting methods, where she attacked unsuspecting males from behind with sticks and knives, in nights, when these poor fellows were returning home after their daily work! Hence, it so happened that whenever a problem surfaced anywhere near & far my mom blamed it on this Evil Worshiper! She was blamed day & night for the evil deeds she continuously did! Other neighbours, who too were the "Poor Victims" of her evil works, supported my mom, in the furtherance of the pieces of information about this evil worshipper, who did anything to satisfy her evil mind! Iran-Iraq war, Saddam's Invasion of Kuwait, Global Warming, The Price Rise in the Commodity Market, The Failure of the Indian Hockey Team in the Olympics & a lot of other things were blamed on her & her evil works! My mom and company even painstakingly traced the Hiroshima Bombing to the evil wishes & evil doings of my evil neighbour!

I laughed for hours, almost every day, because of these kind of inventions made by my mom & co, on a daily basis! It was so funny to watch all my neighbours in the leadership of my mom excavate the Indus Valley Civilisation Sites to find out whether the evil neighbour of ours had any hand in the destruction of the Indus Valley Civilisation, thousands of years back! All the years I laughed, they continued their work dutifully and perseveringly to find out something more, something better, something longstanding to prove their points to the coming generations or should we say posterity?! I laughed all my way to adulthood and continued laughing to this day thinking about all those Truth Finders & Archaeologists, led my dear mom, who spent most of their time and even life to give the coming generations with a clear idea of the Evil Neighbour that they live peacefully, ever after!

It is quite funny thinking of all those simple & good old days! All of our neighbours, including the evil one, were simple people who lived a day to day life, with no pretentions to the highest & powerful places. They were ordinary citizens of a very ordinary India. They didn't spent hours discussing All Those Larger Than Life Things & Happenings! They just simply lived their life, that’s all! But, when The Powers That Be & Media trumpet the name of an Impoverished, Backward & Inefficient Country Pakistan in every nook & corner of India, every second of the day & night for all the problems India faces, I find myself in a dilemma, not knowing whether to laugh or cry?! I often ask the question "What is there in Pakistan?" which makes it a destination to look at. I think, "Why should we look at Pakistan, always?!" Is it a country worth watching this much curiously, consuming time and closely?! I don’t understand why in each and everything we compete, think about, compare, discuss, accuse, take stand against, write volumes about, prepare counter methods, blast rhetoric against and do whatever we can do against this extremely impoverished, backward & pathetically underdeveloped country!

Agreed that Pakistan has unlawfully grabbed Indian land in J&K; and they have been waging a ghost/phantom war against India, for decades, buying weapons from all the possible sources! If this is the reason for our grouse, then, China has not grabbed less land from our country, unlawfully & shamelessly! It too has grabbed thousands of acres of land from our mother country. And, if this is not sufficient cause, it is in the best interest of all the Indians to know that it is this same good old "Bai Bai China" which is supplying Poor Pakistan with innumerable weapons -even nuclear things- that they Survive Somehow & fight their Phantom Battles! I don’t understand why should India look always backward (to Pakistan) when it can look forward with very little effort?! There are other neighbouring nations like Nepal, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Bhutan etc. that we can talk of and print in the fourth estate than packaging the fourth estate & media with the insignificant and stupid news-like-things of an utterly poor, fundamentalist-infested, pathetically backward country Pakistan!

Here, 'what we Indians can do for India other than what Pakistan did for India!' comes into the forefront. If we qualitatively think & do whatever is to be done and only think of the solid and positive aspects that is to done (Implementation of these good & positive things is also to be made a pre requisite) we will see an everlasting qualitative change in the Indian outlook. We should also learn a few and simple things like "Prevention is better than cure", "Don’t trust your enemies", "Learn from your (past) mistakes", "A stitch in time saves nine", "Strong words must be followed by strong deeds", "It’s only a fool will fall in the same trap a million times" etc. If &When we stop the rhetoric and start converting quality thoughts into action, and start to implement WHAT IS NEEDED, I think, there won’t be enough room in the media, press, political circles and most importantly in the minds of Indians to place the insignificant & unwanted (From a Quality Perspective) truck loads of the news-like-things about a backward, extremely impoverished & pathetically underdeveloped country Pakistan!

An Oscar for India?!

"Oscar has its own place...we do not disrespect it.... If they wish to give us an Oscar they can do it...if not, it would be even better," Amitabh Bachchan said.

We Should Trust Him as He Lost Much of What He Had, Running the Glamorous Miss World Show,Another Piece of Marketing Gimmik/Trick,Years Back, Under the ABCL Umbrella!

The huge market that the country/India of more than 1050000000 people is, it wont takethe wizadry of a genius to think that this time around an Oscar will find itself in one of the contesting Indians' pocket! As this is recession time, it is not that difficultto understand that an Oscar will make Indians close to the Hollywood & the likes and it will make the money come out of the poor Indian's pockets!

Everything is a game played to make profits....! And, those people are considered great, who even in tumultuous times succeed to make money in billions! Sometimes, from these markets...sometimes from those markets...sometimes even from nowhere! People who run these types of shows pretty well know how to make Mexican Waves of Human Minds and attract money towards them and the events they run! And, now, these people who run the marketing show Oscars pretty well know it is in Old Poor India the money is!

Sathyajith Ray with all his might failed to get an Oscar for any of his works,in his days (He got an Oscar for his life time contributions in the field of cinemais another matter as it is of an honorary nature!); the Sixth Sense, Elizabeth and a lot of other good works fell by the way side, due to their Indian connections! Great Indian actors like Raj Kapoor and co never got anything from the Oscar coterie! Great Indian Musicians like S D Burman, Salil Chowdhary and co drew a blank for their great works, from the all powerful Oscar Givers! And, a lot of other great fieldsof Indian cinema also got sheer neglect from these Quality Cinema Analysts!

These were all before the Floods! Now is the time for appreciating the greatness of Indian Cinema! All of a sudden a huge interest is shown in the films made in India!All of a sudden a large number of nominations are made for the Indians, who perform in the World Standards! All of a sudden a large group of world class great performers appear from nowhere in India and they all get their due respect and at the same time nominations for the Oscars! And, remember,all these great Indian performers appear in the Recession Hit 2008-2009, out of clear blue sky!It must be some sort of a coincidence, after all! We should not doubt the good intentions & perspectives!

Who told Oscars are market driven? Who told due to recession the focus is shifted to the Billion+ Market India, as part of a survival or bail out package?! Who told the Oscars have been trying to learn the survival technique?Let us, Indians, rejoice in the world reckoning that we have "Oscarworthy" personalities in the film industryand let us rejoice in the sudden emergence of World Standard Oscarworthy Industry Titans, who will tilt the scales in favour of the till date neglected (Due to lack of world standards!) Indian Film Industry!