Finding One’s Long Lost Ambani Brother!

It’s always amazing & dreamlike to find out ‘one fine morning’ that one of the BIGGEST business magnates in the country is your Loooooong Lost (‘How Long?’ that I don’t know, for sure!) Brother! And, when you find that out, by sheer chance -AS IT HAPPENED TO ME!- the other one too becomes your brother -Here, Mukesh Ambani!- & you AUTOMATICALLY qualifies for the immense wealth these brothers amassed, ‘as a brother’!

All those things of yester year cinema – like finding one’s long lost brother with the sighting of a black mole/mark under his buttocks when the long lost brothers fight & ‘ACCIDENTLY’ tear the trousers just EXACTLY above the much hidden mole/mark or remembering the 10 line song/lullaby which the mother sang when the brothers were @ the incredibly ‘comprehending age’ of ‘BARELY’1 & 2 years are pass & it’s the era of new generation movies where the long lost ones find each other using SMS contests, ‘FREE’ talk time offers etc!

That’s what I found out one fine morning, 19-04-14 to be exact! And, who can fathom the great joy of a brother (Me!) finding out a long lost brother & getting another long lost brother FOR FREE! It also dawned on me that the ‘FREE’ offers we, the poor brother Indians, have been bombarded with, all across the width & breadth of the country, is nothing but ‘the Great Helping Hand Technique’ offered by our dear long lost ‘BIG’ brothers to find our long lost ‘BIG’ brothers!

When I landed ‘back’ in Bangalore on 19-04-14 & when I switched my mobile back to life I got a message from my service provider! I give it here EXACTLY as I got it!

[Message]

Hi, I had tried

calling you at 12.42

pm 18 APR

:: Reliance

[ Sender ]

01401359128

[ Time ]

19.04.14 08:52am

For a moment my heart was leaping with joy & soft emotions thinking about my VERY CARING service provider or rather SHOULD I call him My Service Brother who, the very moment I came back, INFORMED me about the CARE He has for me with the above given message!

As I remembered Buddha & his teachings, I reduced my emotions & started to think about the ‘Brotherly Message’! Then, when I searched further in my message box, to my surprise, I found another message in my mobile phone which shattered My Concept Of Brotherly Love; I give that heart shattering message ‘too’ here, with a BrOkeN hEaRt: 

[Message]

You have been

successfully

subscribed to Missed

Call Alert service for

Rs.30.00 for 30

days .To

Unsubscribe, SMS

to

51234.Reliance.

[ Sender ]

51234

[ Time ]

15.04.14 12:13pm

I realized, I ‘NEVER’ sent a subscription message or asked to activate this ‘GREAT & WONDERFUL’ service! And, I also remembered I had fought against this sort of ‘CHEATING’ earlier, as well, and posted some of them in ‘Complaint Box India’ (Group - Orkut) & ‘Indian Complaint Box’ (www.indiancomplaint box.blogspot.com), a couple of years back! I painfully understood that These ‘TRICKSTER BROTHERS’ Have Been Continuing With Their Large Number Of ‘CHEATING TRICKS’, all these years, ‘unabated’!

And, I remembered it is the same brother who ‘monthly’ sends me ‘WARNING’ MESSAGES, without fail; I provide here one of the ‘THREATNING’ MESSAGES I get every month from My Ambani Brother:

[Message]

Dear Customer

please pay your

Netconnect Bill due

of Rs.......  today

to avoid late

payment of Rs100

or 2.5%

charges.Kindly

ignore if paid.RCOM

[ Sender ]

RM-Reliance

[ Time ]

27.03.14 09:12am

Here, the BIG Brother ‘THREATENS’ to collect Rs 100 or 2.5% (Whichever is HIGHER!!) ‘if’ I fail to pay by the pay by date! Is TRAI Mama aware of this ‘30% penalty’ (Or ‘SHOULD’ we call it ‘LOOT’?!) imposed on the small & smaller brothers when billions worth assets of Indians and small &smaller Indian brothers are compromised (Read LOOTED!) for the sake of BIGGER BROTHERS, all across India, all these decades of FREEDOM?!

And, it is interesting to know that for the last 6 years or so I have been paying WHATEVER my dear Ambani Brother has been asking DESPITE I GETTING 00.001kpbs more often than NOT for a connection I took, FOOLED BY the offer & marketing (Read ‘CHEATING’!) technique which trumpeted UPTO 114kpbs!!! One SHOULD try to understand the patience levels I have @ present due to the AMBANI ‘UPTO’ PATIENCE TRAINING METHOD (AUPTM!) which got introduced into my life by this 00.001kpbs Wonderful Device (Data Card!), though I regularly, NON STOP, call My Ambani Brother Names!!

By collecting rupees 10s, 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 100s etc, ‘slyly’ ,these BIG Brothers, all over India, all over these decades of Mobile Revolution, under the All Seeing ‘Sleeping’ Eyes of TRAI Mama, SHOULD HAVE AMASSED A GREAT FORTUNE, without anybody other than TRAI Mama noticing! (Millions SHOULD HAVE BEEN LOOTED in this way, ‘MONTHLY’, i.e. ‘Rs 30 or 50 or 100 or 200 x millions of customers’, in the names of ‘UNSUBSCRIBED’ Caller Tune Installation, Missed Call Alert, Miscalculation, Plan Modification, Simply Charging For Nothing or Simple Adding & millions of other Innovative Cheating Methods or ICMs – WE SHOULD CALL IT THE ‘GREAT INDIAN MOBILE ROBBERY’!) Definitely, the ‘Who Is Who’ of the TRAI Mama Circle (TRAI-MC!) SHOULD HAVE GOT THEIR POUND OF ‘FIP Flesh’ that they keep their eternal quietness intact! After all, it’s Independent India where the ‘Special Every One’ has the Constitutional Right to be eternally silent though they are paid  (We, the ignorant common people, call it ‘Government Salaries’!) by the taxes paid by the FIP (Free & Independent People – Since 1947, August 15!) of India to Raise Their Voice against injustice happening in their fields of action!  

Another piece of great & wonderful piece of information that emerged out of all these ‘Long Lost Brother Finding Programs’ is that ‘Looting Is NOT Looting When A Brother Loots Another’, after all we, all Indians, are brothers! It’s all about one brother looting the other….And, of course, the BIGGER ones can loot the smaller ones, as are the rules in the Family Book Of Looting The Brothers! It is clearly stated in the Statutory Rule Book Of Brother Looting –which is always with the ‘Always Sleeping’ TRAI Mama- that the Powerful brothers can SHAMELESSLY LOOT the less powerful ones as ‘it’s ONLY the Fittest Looter (Brother) survives!’

And, TRAI Mama is always JUST! Though HE sleeps all the time IN FAVOUR OF THE BIG BROTHERS’ LOOTING, He is as JUST as the God Yamadharma!  After all He sleeps according to the Rule Book of Brother Looting where it’s been clearly writen in ‘undecipherable’ words that Big Brother has the right to loot the small or smaller brothers 24/7, and, that’s ‘a’ truth, which is self evident in FIP’s India!

When we see all these LOOT happening, in front of the ‘Sleeping Beauty’ Our Dear ‘TRAI’ Uncle (Or We, Indians, call Mamasree!), who is ‘supposed to control’ all these ‘Brotherly Looting’, I think, it is NOT stupid to assume that the ‘Sleeping Beauty TRAI Mama’ is the reincarnation of ‘Sakuni Mama’ of Mahabharat fame or He is the Modern Day ‘Sakuni Mama’, favoring the Kaurav Brothers, ALWAYS! Who doesn’t know that the Sleeping Mamas ALWAYS favoured the Kaurav Brothers?!

BUT, it is a great thought that day in & day out the 1 billion+ great people of India, in their thousands, would be finding out Their Long Lost Ambani Brothers, non stop! And, it’s another wonderful thought that some of them would ‘EVEN’ be finding out their ‘Own’ Long Lost Mittal (Of Airtel Bharati!) Brothers, Birla Brothers & Other Brothers, as well! What IS the difference but in the names, as all Indians, at the least, by now, must have come to know that all Indians are BROTHERS (& NOT Bothers!)  & clearly understood what they had learned in their ‘ill furnished class rooms’ from their ‘well qualified ignorant teachers’ that “All Indians Are My Sisters & Brothers” IS true! But, one can’t be that sure if there, in the 1+ billion brothers available for an average Indian, some are ‘MORE’ BROTHER THAN THE OTHER or NOT?!

Anyway, it’s a SOOTHING & WONDERFUL THOUGHT that , in this country of a billion FIP –where more than 30% the So Called ‘Free & Independent’ People (That would be between 30 & 40 crores of ‘Free & Independent’ People or FIP!) are BELOW THE POVERTY LINE –Despite adding Ocean Full of water to the Real Poverty Line Reports/Records (RPLRs!)!- thousands of people ‘WAKE UP EVERY DAY’ to find out a LONG LOST Ambani or Mittal or Ruia or Birla Big Brother (‘Bhaiyya’-we, FIP, call in Our Rashtra Bhasha Hindi!), under the ‘EVER SLEEPING’ Watchful Eyes of TRAI Mama &TRAI-MC! O What An Idea, Ambaniji……Mittalji….Birlaji….Our (FIP’s!) ‘Other’ Big Brotherjis….TRAI Mamaji…. TRAI Mama Circleji…..OF LOOTING ji?!

Burning HP, Motorola etc!

I bought a laptop from HP (Hewlett Packard) a couple of years back, paying the full amount, never bargaining for the price tag! I got a free carry bag with the lap top! I wondered why ever the company should give a free carry bag when every one looks to squeeze the life out of the buyer! I simply didn’t understand!

The person who handed over the lap top & the bag smiled after checking the amount I paid, a couple of times....I considered it good customer care etc etc I read in many ‘HOW TO’ books, which I gathered cheaply from the footpath! I loved to think that the same books I took from the footpath must have been read by the sales persons & the person who sat stoically at the cash counter as well, as their behaviour was the same what I read in those ‘HOW TO’ books on marketing, customer care, selling, handling the curious customer etc! I smirked at the thought that they too must have gone for those pirated copies of all those ‘HOW TO’ books which come cheap as they are GENUINLY COPIED from the GENUENLY ORIGINAL! It was a feeling of brotherhood or better I should call it the Brotherhood of Pirates!

Smilingly when I left the H.P store seldom did I knew that why they smiled was totally for some other reason than what I thought of, like the sales & marketing etiquette of the sublime nature etc....But, for that to dawn on me it took a couple more days of my life! But, when I understood the reason of their smile & the free gift of carry bag it was already very much late.......!

A couple of days after I successfully purchased the laptop something stopped working; I don’t remember what it was! I carried it to the shop I bought it from! All the people in the shop were busy selling the HP laptops to the buyers & giving them free carry bags! I waited till I grabbed the attention of an attention grabber who told me to wait for some more time that they could come to me after selling the laptops with the free carry bag & attend to my problem. I waited and after around one hour or so someone came to me, who looked like a person who failed miserably in selling any of the laptops with the free carry bag that particular day!

I told the problem to him & he all of a sudden told me that it SHOULD BE taken to the NEAREST ORIGINAL HP SERVICE STATION which is 10 kilometres away from me, as all the problems would be solved by the experts there! And, if I dared to take the risk, he continued, he could try his hands at problem solving; I readily agreed as taking the thing again to the ORIGINAL HP SERVICE CENTRE would take another couple of hours away from my life. He, as a master magician, kept opening some windows & closing some, intermittently, as I kept my vigil over...he seemed to work as one possessed.....And, at last he set the things right by clicking the ‘going back to the default settings'! Though all the software I loaded after purchasing the laptop went for a toss I got the problem for which I went there solved! I put the laptop back into FREE CARRY BAG & giving him truck loads of 'THANKS' left to reload all the software I had loaded before the expert hit the 'Back to Default Settings' button!

I didn’t have time to go to the ORIGINAL SERVICE STATION OF HP in the 1 year guarantee period, despite small problems related to my laptop continuously creeping up on my nerves! I just tried to wish the problems away & kept on with whatever I had to do, though I suffered mentally thanks to the performance of my newly acquired HP laptop! Before crossing the one year guarantee period, all of a sudden, my DVD drive stopped working & as I didn’t have time to focus on this problem I kept it disturb me continuously! Whenever I wanted to watch a movie or so I would switch on my other HP Laptop which I rarely used as it was a just15.4" against our Lead Role 17", of which I have been writing over! I kept the problem persist for another 1 year or more & when I felt free to take it in the FREE CARRY BAG, I took it to the ORIGINAL SERVICE STATION OF HP!

When I entered the service station, the guard at the entrance asked me a hell lot of questions that I thought I would have cleared the IAS examination if I would have known answers to all the queries he readily dished forth! He asked questions to me like he was questioning a criminal who had just murdered the CEO of HP! When I entered, after the quizzing, I was asked to collect a coupon & wait there till I was called. I obliged as there were no other option as I saw a very large number of people who waited there patiently, with their empty FREE CARRY BAGS in their laps!

When my turn came, I went to a counter where I was told by an Original HP Service Personnel that I had to give him 250/- for just checking the problem & to verify whether what I told them as problem was a problem at all! I obliged the Original HP Service Personnel & then he took my 17" laptop inside; I waited for the result! After 20+ minutes the Original HP Service Personnel, who took the laptop inside after collecting a Verification Charge of 250/-, came to the counter & beckoned me there to inform me the GREAT FINDING that as I told him it was a problem with the DVD drive & I had to fix the problem ONLY by changing the mother board as the DVD drive was integrally fused with the mother board & the Original HP Service Personnel couldn’t repair it separately and the bill would be somewhere around 25000/-! I thought what they charged for repair was something like 100 times the checking fee! I took the lap top back from the Original HP Service Personnel & walked away to something/somewhere more sensible things happen!

I consulted a Non Original HP Service Personnel & he told me that I could buy a USB DVD drive for around 4000/- & watch whatever movie I wished to watch on my 17"! The next moment I bought one Samsung USB DVD drive & went home, with a sweet feeling of saving a minimum of 21000/- from an Original HP Service Alligator!

But my happiness didn’t last long; my 17" hard drive crashed shortly after & I was in the danger of losing whatever data I had in the laptop; I reached the Original HP Service Station & I was told that they didn’t take THESE KINDS OF WORK and asked me to contact a particular Non Original HP Service Personnel who’s visiting card the Original HP Service Personnel provided me; obviously the Original HP Service Personnel had commission from the Non Original HP Service Personnel if ever I reached there & got fleeced!

I didn’t go to the Originally HP Recommended Place & got it done for 2000/- as I was sure I would have been forced to part with my entire savings for that work to be done in the secret place of the Non Original HP Service Personnel, recommended by the Original HP Service Personnel! Within months, HP 17" struck again! This time the screen went blank! As usual, I went to the Original HP Service Centre where I had been told that it would lighten my purse by around 20000/-! I went to my Non Original HP Service Personnel & got the screen changed for 5000/-, saving 15000/- in the process! Misery hit me again within months in the shape of battery failure; the battery failed to get charged. This time I didn’t go to the Original HP Service Personnel; I took it direct to a Non Original HP Service Personnel who gave me a NON Original HP battery for 2500/- which would have cost me my fixed deposit if I would have gone to the Original HP Service Centre! Now what ORIGINALS I have on my Original HP 17" Laptop are the shell of the laptop & motherboard, nothing else! The DVD player, Screen, Battery, Hard Drive & all are Non Original HP Products & they are working fine for the last more than 1 year!

Now, what I am concerned is about the motherboard which is the ONLY ORIGINAL WORKING THING on the OTHERWISE GREATLY PERFORMING NON ORIGINAL 17" HP Laptop! And, I regularly have nightmares on meeting one of my close friends who bought the same HP 17” on My Very Serious Recommendation! Till date he has changed his battery, screen (Twice!), DVD Drive etc & now is involved in a last ditch battle to save the chipset & motherboard! Now I perfectly understand why those people years back gave the carry bag free & why the sales persons smiled when I bought it 3 or 4 years back, as they then & there knew the people like me who bought these sorts of laptops would be running around carrying their laptops regularly to the Original HP Service Centres - SHOULD SAY 'ORIGINAL (OR HP CERTIFIED )FLEECING CENTRES'!- for this problem or that till they burn their laptops in public & live reclusive lives in the far away islands where they will never see even the sign of HP, again!

Special Note!

It is STRONGLY suggested that BURNING THE PRODUCT IN A PUBLIC PLACE is the one & only choice for all the customers of international brands in India! What the customers here in India always get is Ill Treatment, Misbehaviour, Arrogance, Qualityless & Stupid Analysis of the Problems the Customer Is Facing with the Product Bought, Reckless & Inefficient Repair, Extremely Greedy Customer Care & Service Centres etc!

I gave my Motorola Razor i3 to Fine Fone Solutions, #397/86, 2nd Floor, 11th Main, Jayanagar 3rd Block, Bangalore 11 (Ph:- 080 - 26634554, 26634555, 26634556, 26536477, 26536488) on 13-12-11, travelling almost 25 kilometres! I told the service centre people that the mobile was not getting charged & when connected to a charging slot it keeps blinking. When I reached there, there were only 3 customers & all the people who were with the centre were roaming there as free as birds in the sky, as they were only shifted from Infantry Road not much before!

I asked them to check the mobile then & there itself that I could have collected the info on the problem there itself that I could decide on the next step! The person who collected the phone from me, who was just seen whiling away time there, told me that as a lot of work was pending they would only be able to check it the next day & they would call me the next day to inform me about the solution & then according to my opinion move forward, in the matter of repairing the mobile.

As, I didn’t get any call from the centre till 5 ‘O’ clock next evening I called them & they told me that they were still in the process of checking it & they would give me a call as soon as they finished checking! But that call didn’t come.....I have been waiting till date for them to call me, today being 25-01-12! And, now I am seriously thinking about BURNING MY MOTOROLA, after taking back the mobile from the stupid fellows @ the fleecing centre, as well with the HP Laptop @ a public place that people come to know what is actually happening to “The Customer King”!