Finding One’s Long Lost Ambani Brother!

It’s always amazing & dreamlike to find out ‘one fine morning’ that one of the BIGGEST business magnates in the country is your Loooooong Lost (‘How Long?’ that I don’t know, for sure!) Brother! And, when you find that out, by sheer chance -AS IT HAPPENED TO ME!- the other one too becomes your brother -Here, Mukesh Ambani!- & you AUTOMATICALLY qualifies for the immense wealth these brothers amassed, ‘as a brother’!

All those things of yester year cinema – like finding one’s long lost brother with the sighting of a black mole/mark under his buttocks when the long lost brothers fight & ‘ACCIDENTLY’ tear the trousers just EXACTLY above the much hidden mole/mark or remembering the 10 line song/lullaby which the mother sang when the brothers were @ the incredibly ‘comprehending age’ of ‘BARELY’1 & 2 years are pass & it’s the era of new generation movies where the long lost ones find each other using SMS contests, ‘FREE’ talk time offers etc!

That’s what I found out one fine morning, 19-04-14 to be exact! And, who can fathom the great joy of a brother (Me!) finding out a long lost brother & getting another long lost brother FOR FREE! It also dawned on me that the ‘FREE’ offers we, the poor brother Indians, have been bombarded with, all across the width & breadth of the country, is nothing but ‘the Great Helping Hand Technique’ offered by our dear long lost ‘BIG’ brothers to find our long lost ‘BIG’ brothers!

When I landed ‘back’ in Bangalore on 19-04-14 & when I switched my mobile back to life I got a message from my service provider! I give it here EXACTLY as I got it!

[Message]

Hi, I had tried

calling you at 12.42

pm 18 APR

:: Reliance

[ Sender ]

01401359128

[ Time ]

19.04.14 08:52am

For a moment my heart was leaping with joy & soft emotions thinking about my VERY CARING service provider or rather SHOULD I call him My Service Brother who, the very moment I came back, INFORMED me about the CARE He has for me with the above given message!

As I remembered Buddha & his teachings, I reduced my emotions & started to think about the ‘Brotherly Message’! Then, when I searched further in my message box, to my surprise, I found another message in my mobile phone which shattered My Concept Of Brotherly Love; I give that heart shattering message ‘too’ here, with a BrOkeN hEaRt: 

[Message]

You have been

successfully

subscribed to Missed

Call Alert service for

Rs.30.00 for 30

days .To

Unsubscribe, SMS

to

51234.Reliance.

[ Sender ]

51234

[ Time ]

15.04.14 12:13pm

I realized, I ‘NEVER’ sent a subscription message or asked to activate this ‘GREAT & WONDERFUL’ service! And, I also remembered I had fought against this sort of ‘CHEATING’ earlier, as well, and posted some of them in ‘Complaint Box India’ (Group - Orkut) & ‘Indian Complaint Box’ (www.indiancomplaint box.blogspot.com), a couple of years back! I painfully understood that These ‘TRICKSTER BROTHERS’ Have Been Continuing With Their Large Number Of ‘CHEATING TRICKS’, all these years, ‘unabated’!

And, I remembered it is the same brother who ‘monthly’ sends me ‘WARNING’ MESSAGES, without fail; I provide here one of the ‘THREATNING’ MESSAGES I get every month from My Ambani Brother:

[Message]

Dear Customer

please pay your

Netconnect Bill due

of Rs.......  today

to avoid late

payment of Rs100

or 2.5%

charges.Kindly

ignore if paid.RCOM

[ Sender ]

RM-Reliance

[ Time ]

27.03.14 09:12am

Here, the BIG Brother ‘THREATENS’ to collect Rs 100 or 2.5% (Whichever is HIGHER!!) ‘if’ I fail to pay by the pay by date! Is TRAI Mama aware of this ‘30% penalty’ (Or ‘SHOULD’ we call it ‘LOOT’?!) imposed on the small & smaller brothers when billions worth assets of Indians and small &smaller Indian brothers are compromised (Read LOOTED!) for the sake of BIGGER BROTHERS, all across India, all these decades of FREEDOM?!

And, it is interesting to know that for the last 6 years or so I have been paying WHATEVER my dear Ambani Brother has been asking DESPITE I GETTING 00.001kpbs more often than NOT for a connection I took, FOOLED BY the offer & marketing (Read ‘CHEATING’!) technique which trumpeted UPTO 114kpbs!!! One SHOULD try to understand the patience levels I have @ present due to the AMBANI ‘UPTO’ PATIENCE TRAINING METHOD (AUPTM!) which got introduced into my life by this 00.001kpbs Wonderful Device (Data Card!), though I regularly, NON STOP, call My Ambani Brother Names!!

By collecting rupees 10s, 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 100s etc, ‘slyly’ ,these BIG Brothers, all over India, all over these decades of Mobile Revolution, under the All Seeing ‘Sleeping’ Eyes of TRAI Mama, SHOULD HAVE AMASSED A GREAT FORTUNE, without anybody other than TRAI Mama noticing! (Millions SHOULD HAVE BEEN LOOTED in this way, ‘MONTHLY’, i.e. ‘Rs 30 or 50 or 100 or 200 x millions of customers’, in the names of ‘UNSUBSCRIBED’ Caller Tune Installation, Missed Call Alert, Miscalculation, Plan Modification, Simply Charging For Nothing or Simple Adding & millions of other Innovative Cheating Methods or ICMs – WE SHOULD CALL IT THE ‘GREAT INDIAN MOBILE ROBBERY’!) Definitely, the ‘Who Is Who’ of the TRAI Mama Circle (TRAI-MC!) SHOULD HAVE GOT THEIR POUND OF ‘FIP Flesh’ that they keep their eternal quietness intact! After all, it’s Independent India where the ‘Special Every One’ has the Constitutional Right to be eternally silent though they are paid  (We, the ignorant common people, call it ‘Government Salaries’!) by the taxes paid by the FIP (Free & Independent People – Since 1947, August 15!) of India to Raise Their Voice against injustice happening in their fields of action!  

Another piece of great & wonderful piece of information that emerged out of all these ‘Long Lost Brother Finding Programs’ is that ‘Looting Is NOT Looting When A Brother Loots Another’, after all we, all Indians, are brothers! It’s all about one brother looting the other….And, of course, the BIGGER ones can loot the smaller ones, as are the rules in the Family Book Of Looting The Brothers! It is clearly stated in the Statutory Rule Book Of Brother Looting –which is always with the ‘Always Sleeping’ TRAI Mama- that the Powerful brothers can SHAMELESSLY LOOT the less powerful ones as ‘it’s ONLY the Fittest Looter (Brother) survives!’

And, TRAI Mama is always JUST! Though HE sleeps all the time IN FAVOUR OF THE BIG BROTHERS’ LOOTING, He is as JUST as the God Yamadharma!  After all He sleeps according to the Rule Book of Brother Looting where it’s been clearly writen in ‘undecipherable’ words that Big Brother has the right to loot the small or smaller brothers 24/7, and, that’s ‘a’ truth, which is self evident in FIP’s India!

When we see all these LOOT happening, in front of the ‘Sleeping Beauty’ Our Dear ‘TRAI’ Uncle (Or We, Indians, call Mamasree!), who is ‘supposed to control’ all these ‘Brotherly Looting’, I think, it is NOT stupid to assume that the ‘Sleeping Beauty TRAI Mama’ is the reincarnation of ‘Sakuni Mama’ of Mahabharat fame or He is the Modern Day ‘Sakuni Mama’, favoring the Kaurav Brothers, ALWAYS! Who doesn’t know that the Sleeping Mamas ALWAYS favoured the Kaurav Brothers?!

BUT, it is a great thought that day in & day out the 1 billion+ great people of India, in their thousands, would be finding out Their Long Lost Ambani Brothers, non stop! And, it’s another wonderful thought that some of them would ‘EVEN’ be finding out their ‘Own’ Long Lost Mittal (Of Airtel Bharati!) Brothers, Birla Brothers & Other Brothers, as well! What IS the difference but in the names, as all Indians, at the least, by now, must have come to know that all Indians are BROTHERS (& NOT Bothers!)  & clearly understood what they had learned in their ‘ill furnished class rooms’ from their ‘well qualified ignorant teachers’ that “All Indians Are My Sisters & Brothers” IS true! But, one can’t be that sure if there, in the 1+ billion brothers available for an average Indian, some are ‘MORE’ BROTHER THAN THE OTHER or NOT?!

Anyway, it’s a SOOTHING & WONDERFUL THOUGHT that , in this country of a billion FIP –where more than 30% the So Called ‘Free & Independent’ People (That would be between 30 & 40 crores of ‘Free & Independent’ People or FIP!) are BELOW THE POVERTY LINE –Despite adding Ocean Full of water to the Real Poverty Line Reports/Records (RPLRs!)!- thousands of people ‘WAKE UP EVERY DAY’ to find out a LONG LOST Ambani or Mittal or Ruia or Birla Big Brother (‘Bhaiyya’-we, FIP, call in Our Rashtra Bhasha Hindi!), under the ‘EVER SLEEPING’ Watchful Eyes of TRAI Mama &TRAI-MC! O What An Idea, Ambaniji……Mittalji….Birlaji….Our (FIP’s!) ‘Other’ Big Brotherjis….TRAI Mamaji…. TRAI Mama Circleji…..OF LOOTING ji?!

Paying Taxes Via Thugs, Cheats, Adulterators, Whores, Kidnappers and others!

The finance minister is thinking night & day to introduce new taxes & bring more & more persons & services under the tax net in the oncoming budget! It is heard that he eats less & sleeps less & burns the midnight oil as well, these days – remember the oil costs much more than in the good old nasty days of slower moments & slower everything!

In the good old nasty days people had to spent at the least a couple of weeks to file their tax returns that ‘the powers that be’ wasted the amount collected in myriads of methods they indigenously conceived! Then came faster return filings through internet & other MODERN TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCEMENTS that the respective & respectable governments can gather ‘whatever is due’ as fast as possible & waste even the last single paisa of it in no time; everything became much faster!

‘Taxes have to be paid’ is common knowledge as it is only these DUELY GIVEN TAXES are there in the avarice coffers of the respective & at the same time respectable governments to be spent senselessly – from the perspective of the Common Man! - & intelligently – from the spenders’ perspective & made sure that not a single paisa is left behind in the greedy coffers that the coffers themselves gobble it up! As it is reported in the media a million times that the governments are always well aware of those ‘ANTI NATIONAL ANIMALS/ELEMENTS’ which always skip the TAXING PROCESS! Hence, mopping up the DUE TAXES, somehow, has become the most urgent & all important job a finance minister has to do in his life time! He knows pretty well that even if he blinks for a second or two crores of ‘taxes due’ would go up in the wind; hence he has to become ALERT & ATTENTION PERSONIFIED!

As he doesn’t trust much the present modern technologically advanced system in the matter of collecting the taxes, he has entrusted everyone in the country to collect the taxes somehow & prove their LOYALTY TO THE NATION! And, that is the very thing happening in our country where, now a days, we have ‘the most modern facility to pay our taxes’ through the thugs, cheats, adulterators, whores, kidnappers, anti social elements, goondas, mafia, blackmarketeers, pirates, greedy policemen (very common these days due to the technological, economical & cultural elevation of the society & much improved living standard & conditions - according to the turbaned prime minister!), public servants –those who serve (themselves!) publically! - & a million others!

Hence, all the persons in India, as it has become an unwritten law, has the right & responsibility to collect taxes & put whatever they collect in the every greedy coffers of the respective & respectable governments! That is why the person who buys the 80% adulterated milk -with urea, whitener & other indigenous materials- has to pay the DUE TAXES to the government via those who adulterated what he buys & drinks; that’s why those who have been buying ‘ATTA’ all these years have been ceremoniously taxed by the respective & respectable governments though what the buyer bought & fed their generations was adulterated with Benzoic Acid 400 times more than what is permitted & Bleaching Powder 2000 times more than what is permitted (It is claimed by the governments & the authorities who permit ‘what to mix to adulterate democratically’ that the common man is getting FREE NUTRITION UNDER VARIOUS GOVERNMENT SCHEMES in the forms of Benzoic Acid & Bleaching Powder etc!)!

That is why one has to pay the service tax of 10.3% to the service centre thug who just did nothing but keeping the thing you had given for checking for more than 2 months & unashamedly gave it back - when you went there to find out whether the thing you had given has germinated or what!?- saying that the repair would lighten your pockets by a fewer thousands of rupees for a non-existent problem (He must be a very strong believer of ‘Sarwam Maya Jagath Mithya’ theory, as he had fixed the photo of the god who said it in some other context, in his fleecing -For him service & fleecing are the same- centre that the TAX EVADING CUSTOMERS come to know what is going to happen to them who EVADE TAXES!’) etc!

That is why the person who is kidnapped or the persons related to him have to pay the service tax of 10.3% on the ransom given to the kidnappers for the quality services –kidnapping included! - rendered by them! That is why the person who needs a receipt from the whore to keep it as the memorabilia of his first sexual encounter has to cough up an additional 10.3% service tax for the services rendered by her, if one wants a bill -the option of NOT ASKING THE BILL IS ALWAYS AVAILABLE WITH HER FOR THOSE WHO STILL WANTS TO CHEAT THE GOVERNMENT COFFERS! The professional cheats & robbers also has become the tax collecting centres of late as they too charge you with a service tax of 10.3% in addition to the service charge –The Materials They Steal From You Included!- they take for the great services rendered without your permission & knowledge, and that ofcourse ONLY IF you ask for a bill from them!

The law abiding & enforcing policemen would give a receipt, that too only if you insist on one, charging a service tax of additional 200/- on a 100/- bill, for parking your bike accidently on the wrong side of the road where a number of other vehicles were also parked –For the wrong side parking the bill is only 100/- & the bill which is given to you is printed in the law enforcing & abiding honourable police man’s own printing press behind his simple garage of 10 Rolls Royses, which he bought BY EKING OUT ‘small small’ AMOUNTS from the MEAGRE SALARY HE DREW FROM THE PUBLIC COFFERS are common knowledge- & never charged is another matter!

Now a days, whenever one gives a bribe to have anything in one’s favour – Even if one is entitled to what one asks for!- the bribe taker –All over India it is followed traditionally & systematically by the various unions of bribe takers as they are very eager to fill the ever greedy government coffers!- always take an additional 10.3% more from the bribe giver as he is a Constitutionally, Legally, Morally, & TAXINGLY correct person who puts the 10.3% service tax collected from the bribe giver directly into the much starved coffers of the government, which some say is 40% below the poverty line, though the governments all over the years have been passionately & vehemently arguing that the government coffers are ONLY A SINGLE DIGIT below the poverty line!

Lets us hope for the best for the tax collecting system we have here in our SECULAR, SOCIALIST, BRIBE-TAKING INDIA! Let’s hope that every person living in India pays the taxes in time even though one is GIVEN NOTHING IN RETURN & WHATEVER ONE GETS IS THE ADULTARATED, THE DUPLICATE, THE TOXIC, THE ILLUSORY, NEVER VALUE FOR MONEY, THE SUB STANDARD, CHEATING, TRICKING, STEALING etc! And, let’s keep giving OUR TAXES properly that OUR GOVERNMENTS can loot us in a very systematic & well designed way, till the end of days!

CHEAT, TRICK, DUPE - THE WAY WE DO BUSINESS IN INDIA!

CHEAT....CHEAT.....CHEAT.....TRICK......TRICK.......TRICK.......DUPE.....DUPE......DUPE.......! These words & their multiple synonyms have become the real time substitutes for Business or Doing Business in India! These are the only things which one should have to start a business these days! And, these are THE ONLY THINGS ONE REQUIRES to start a business & run it for ages & amass huge profits etc! Whatever business you do, you SHOULD IMPLEMENT 100% WORDS SUCH AS CHEAT, TRICK & DUPE etc or else you better think of anything else other than business or doing business! It is not a panchayat phrase or a district one....IT IS IMPLEMENTED ALL OVER INDIA TO THE BENEFIT OF THE POOR & STARVING BUSINESS MEN! Even such a question & answer duo have surfaced & got into the CAT, MAT, IAS, IPS & the like quality exams; it goes as this.....Q: What is it that is done when one cheats, tricks & dupes, in India?! And the very correct answer is A: Business!


From multi million dollar companies to the small pan-tea wallah follow this principle dutifully that WE, THE PEOPLE OF INDIA, SOMEHOW REACHED THE TWENTIFIRST CENTURY WITH A "BANG"; HAVE EVER THOUGHT OF WHAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN IF THE BUSINEESSMEN OF India never implemented these words & their first cousins? It should have been total chaos, trillions of debt, poverty, illnesses, famine-like the one happened in Ethiopia!!-, drought, plague & what not?! India should have sunk deep into the depths of the Mariana Trench with all her people & the multi billion dollar business institutions like the pan-cigarette-tea wallah on the four-wheeler cycle & the broad & the not-so-broad band people! Hundreds & thousands of beverage shops, adulterated goods factories all over India, drug (like the innocent opium, ganja, charas, brown-sugar etc!) manufacturing & distribution factories & networks, which all help develop & maintain the National Coffers (Coffins?!) full will get annihilated in seconds & the nation itself will vanish from the face of the Earth, if the business & business people fail to use these above stated words or their synonyms! Hence, to avoid the disastrous & make the human beings in India prosper & move into the 22nd century - remember there was no vicious thinking in all these cases! - our business people single-mindedly & with (w)hole-hearted commitment implement/ed all these words 100% in whatever they do/did!


The non-pirated + legal + moral + in hundred ways eminently qualified- some of them even have Doctorates & PhDs attached to their names to have a sheet of self-confidence! - CD/DVD sellers with HUGE BRAND NAMEs & the so-called pan-India presence have been selling (or put better, thrust down the throat of THE SO-CALLED QUALITY-CONSCIOUS & BRAND-CONSCIOUS CUSTOMER!) their CDs & DVDs in 2 or 3 plastic covers from time immemorial in addition to the plastic covers they generously give away to their DEAR & SPECIAL CUSTOMERS – Read one & all! – @ the billing counters, when they buy one or more CDs or DVDs! These GOOD GUYS put Rs.150/- sticker on the original price-tag of M.R.P Rs 99/- & sell the CDs of a movie @ A HUGE DISCOUNT OF Rs. 75/- ONLY to the HUGELY GULLIBLE BRAND & QUALITY CONSCIOUS ANTI-PIRACY CUSTOMERS, who always walk straight-jacketed & only SPRINKLE SMILES! These straight businessmen with A HUGE BRAND NAMES sell VCDs in newly-designed plastic covers -1, 2 OR 3! - printing attractive things like ‘Brazil, France, London, Japan, Scandinavia etc’, for MUCH DISCOUNTED PRICE, ONLY TO BE OPENED IN ONE’S OWN RESIDENCE TO FIND OUT THE ‘QUALITY CONTENT’ WAS SHOT/RECORDED AT THE LEAST 15-20 YEARS BACK & WHAT ONE SEES WAS THE STATE/PLACE ‘JUST 20 YEARS AGO ONLY’!


These guys are extremely efficient in ‘COVERED-SELLING’ –No Pun Intended! - as they learn the tricks of the hand –specifically Covering & Hiding Something Non-Existent etc!-from the experts like Harry Houdini, David Copperfield & the others! These Law-Abiding, Good, Well-Doing, Strongly Anti-Pirate Business People will put –READ COVER/HIDE etc! - A QUALITYLESS, MUCH FADED MOVIE OF THE FIFTIES or SIXTIES or SEVETIES –WHERE FINDING OUT THE CHARACTERS, SCENERY, LOCATION etc ARE MORE DIFFICULT THAN DECIPHERING CUNEIFORM!- IN GOOD QUALITY LAYERS OF PLASTIC & SELL IT DEARLY AS IT IS SOME SORT OF AN ANTIQUE FROM MOHANJODARO or HARAPPA! They will offer a FREE MOVIE if you buy another one for exorbitant prices & never let you know what the FREE MOVIE inside is; and after buying the HIDDEN MOVIE, paying the hugely inflated amount for the VISIBLE MOVIE, it will be always very late when one finds out the FREE MOVIE IS A PIECE OF SHIT & A COUPLE OF DOZEN PERSONS HAVE COMMITED SUICIDE AFTER WATCHING THE ‘FREE HIDDEN MOVIE’ INSIDE! These great guys sell – REMEMBER, ALWAYS COVERED IN LAYERS OF IMPREGNABLE PLASTIC SHEETS! – 50% & more COVERED MOVIES – where you find the much famous INDIAN-TIE shading/covering the top 25-30% of the screen/movie & bottom 25-30% of the screen/movie, so as to prevent the vulgarity visible on the screen; which means, one sees only 40% of the movie on the screen paying 100% for it; and one can also see any number or actors & actresses delivering their emotional speeches without their heads, half of their bodies & sometimes even staying invisible on the screen!! – 20-40% REDUCED/CUT MOVIES, SONGS-REMOVED/CUT MOVIES, LAST PART-STUCK MOVIES etc!


THESE QUALITY BUSINESS PEOPLE cheat the so-called quality conscious customers by offering discount cards, where discounts are always near to the INDIAN INVENTED ‘0’! They only give out platinum, gold & silver discount cards of their brands & give no discounts! They sell everything on M.R.P (M.R.P = Maximum Retail Price; A LOT OF TIMES EVEN ALTERING THE M.R.Ps UPWARD!!) & never ever say a word on M.R.P, which is the MINIMUM RETAIL PRICE! THESE SAME BUSINESS PEOPLE in some other field CHEAT THE SO-CALLED QUALITY CONSCIOUS CUSTOMERS by offering 115kpbs+ & only giving 5 to 15 kpbs max......they have been doing this for years now, with impunity! THESE SAME BUSINESS PEOPLE for years have been charging gullible customers – read everyone! – all over India by putting caller tunes & other so-called bullshit value added services etc on the mobile phones etc, without the persons asking for it, with total impunity! And, there are THESE SAME BUSINESS PEOPLE charging Rs.1 as FRIDGE CHARGES for 200grams, 400grams etc of milk, curd etc....! And, there are millions of other ways too THESE SAME BUSINESS PEOPLE KNOW HOW TO CHEAT, TRICK & DUPE THE EASILY GULLIBLE QUALITY CONSCIOUS SITTING CUSTOMER DUCKS! Let’s hope one day, like Ratnakara who changed himself to Valmiki to write Great Ramayana, THESE SAME CHEATING, TRICKING & DUPING BUSINESS PEOPLE will write some magnum opuses on CHEATING, TRICKING, DUPING etc which will last eons!