The Signature Of The Ill Informed!

In the thousands of movies & thousands of serials we have been watching, all these decades, we have ALWAYS seen an AUTHORISED PERSON (AP!) putting down his signature, extremely emotionally & with hyper tension, on the papers given to him by the hospital staff, before an operation or surgery is going to take place, where there are no guarantees of a success……!

It is or will be written on the piece/s of paper, given to the AP, that the operation, whether major or minor, is going to be performed on the patient & whatever responsibility is there (Which means the ‘CASUALTY’ etc!) is the ‘SOLE’ responsibility of the Authorised Person (AP!) who puts his signature on the piece of paper provided & there are no responsibilities, whatsoever, to the doctor who is conducting the operation & other hospital officials, who are there ‘ONLY’ for making the AP sign the paper or papers with CASUALTY CLAUSE (CC!) printed in BOLD letters!

It is a VERY NICE MOVE (‘!!!’ mark is used in Chess to indicate ‘SUCH’ a good move!) from the doctor fraternity (Or ‘Hospital Fraternity!?) as AFTER getting the signature from the ‘AUTHORITY’ OF THE PERSON ON WHOM THE OPERATION IS GOING TO BE PERFORMED, the doctor can perform his or her duty TENSION FREE & have a crack @ the right & real problem, without seriously thinking & uselessly getting worried about the repercussions which may arise out of nothing IF, a BIG ‘if’, the operation or such similar things fail! It is ‘ALWAYS’ nice to be on the safer side of the Hospital Fence (HF!)!

BUT, the thousands & lakhs of poor signatories, all these decades, NEVER understood EXACTLY what GREAT THINGS they had all been doing! All these decades they SELDOM understood they Vouchsafed/stood guarantee for the various governments, medical colleges, medicinal industry, medical instruments, doctors, nurses & a lot of other great persons & personalities…….! And, the SIGNATORIES, even now, don’t know that they keep on doing the good & great work their previous generations had started, nonstop, guaranteeing for all the above said people who are there in their millions!

It is NEVER remembered that these signatories (APs!) are doing the selfless work of guaranteeing the SAFETY & INTEGRITY of this much of the people & their lives! It is seldom remembered that they are safe guarding more people than the personnel who guard the borders of our EVER PORUS country! And, they are standing guarantee for more people than for whose veracity the gazetted officers of India stand guarantee for! The HARDEST of the facts is that this selfless act of STANDING GUARANTEE (SG!) is ‘NEVER’ appreciated by anyone, leave alone the governments & other organizations & people who are the direct beneficiaries of SG of these selfless persons in millions!

It is heard from the ‘Trusted Sources’, who NEVER wish to be identified as they are ‘NOT’ authorised –As ARE the APs!- by anyone noteworthy, that the proposal for giving the APs the bravery awards & ‘EVEN’ Param Veer Chakras (PVCs!) has been moved by the ‘Honourable’ ‘WHO IS WHO’ of the Indian Polity! It is ALSO heard from the Trusted Sources (TSs!) that there are going to be a number of ‘online’ polling campaigns, in which anyone who spares time to post or poll an opinion will be charged by the Internet Authority (IA!) by a minimum & logical amount of Rs 10/- per second, for the time spend on the Poll OR Post Time (PT!) spent on the net, that the IA can take a decision in this matter, later!

It is NO JOKE that the APs are well considered for the President’s Gallantry Awards & EVEN the Param Veer Chakras as what these APs do is nothing short of greatest of the feats human being have EVER performed! What they stand guarantee for is nothing short of GIGANTIC!

What they stand guarantee for ARE (1) the medical educational system where more than 60% are entering the medical colleges of India to become doctors through the Behind the Door Operation (BDO!), where around $ 1.5 billion are changing hands, most of it BLACK MONEY, every year, at the least, in the last 10-12 years, (2) the innumerable medicines produced for the wholesome ‘CONSUMPTION’ –Which ARE supplied ‘OVER THE COUNTER’, ‘UNDER THE COUNTER’ , ‘IN MID AIR’ etc – in an Underdeveloped Emerging Consumer India (UECI – Pronounced ‘You See’!), (3) the greed & avarice of the ‘Hospital Companies OR Industry’ (HCI!), (4) the wholesome inefficiency, unaccountability & utter neglect of the other hospital staff ‘excluding’ the doctors – As they have ALREADY been mentioned & covered by the APs in the earlier chapters of the Guarantee Guide (GG!)!- (5) the efficiency of the inefficiency etc!      

Our various governments, @ the centre & states, have made it mandatory, over the years that to have an operation or surgery any one of the APs from the person’s side has to STAND GUARANTEE for (1) the STANDARD of medical education in India, (2) the originality & standard of the medical students in India (3) the quality & quantity of the INGREDIENTS in the medicines available in the ‘CONSUMER’ Markets (CMs!) of India , (4) the ‘SANITY’ of the persons in the medical field, (5) the free flowing & tension free family life of the persons (Medical Professionals!) involved in the process of surgery, (6) the quality of the medical equipment used in the surgery etc AS, ‘if’ the patient & the others present with him or her ‘fail’ or ‘deny’ ‘TRUSTING’ the prevailing system of medical training where the Hippocrates Oath is ceremoniously chanted @ the fag end of the passing out from the medical colleges & standing guarantee for it, who will TAKE the responsibility of those who SELDOM trust what is offered in the Hospitals cum commercial ventures?!

Then, there are welcome proposals from various quarters – The people in the know call them ‘Stake Holders’ whom everybody from the ruling governments to the sweepers of the Adivasi (Tribal!) Panchayaths SHOULD consult before taking any action! – to make the SG (Standing Guarantee!) as mandatory as the Aadhar Card has been made to (A) the train travelers who FORCE themselves into the CLOSELY PACKED ‘RESERVED’ COMPARTMENTS (CPRCs!), some of them dating back to the First Independence Struggle of India in 1857, (B) those who fly on the air planes, (C) those who travel in the badly maintained government, buses, boats & ships etc, (D) those who go for the various amusement parks in India where violations of safety laws are the order of the day, (E) those who buy heavily poisonous & adulterated food items from various market places including the well known & well advertised branded malls & all, (F) those who send their children to the various schools to get RAPED, MOLESTED, ABUSED etc (G) those who build their houses & other things, (H) those who buy various types of ‘safetyless’ vehicles from the sub standard vehicle markets of India, (I) those who breath in the heavily polluted air of Polluted India (PI!) , (J) those who use heavily polluted waters of India etc & others…..!

Let’s STRIVE for an India, where the position of a Standing Authorised Person (SAP!) IS MADE MANDATORY for one & all, for each & every purpose, matter, job etc that millions of Indians get employed as SAPs that there won’t be any FDI or Make In India option or Opening Up of Insurance, Defense & others sectors etc required to solve the EVER growing problem of unemployment in India; then, we can/will ALSO provide jobs to millions of other poor people from the African countries with these MUCH REWARDING glamorous jobs (MRGJs!) -where one Stands Guarantee to the Inefficiency, Incompetence, Falsehood, Ignorance, Arrogance etc of others whom ‘HE’ (SAP!) doesn’t have any idea about!- that we, India & Indians, eradicate poverty, starvation, malnutrition etc from the face of the Earth & be very proud of it, at the same time!

Buying A Gadget...Buying A Malady!

When I saw him for the first time in the last ten or fifteen years, that too ONLY a couple of steps ahead of me in the 'Q' I was pleasantly surprised; the great man himself and that too these very long years after & just a few yards infront of me as a VERY COMMON MAN - The EQUALITY the great people envisioned all over the ages coming into existence infront of my very own humble eyes in Our Secular & Democratic India! I remembered what I learned in my childhood days 'There Is No Rich & No Poor Infront Of God...All Are Equals!' I thought whether I reached heavens & was I standing infront of the Almighty where nothing but Eternal Equality is seen?!

He was heard to be in all the places of the world, giving lectures on all the subjects under the Burning Sun! He had followers all over the world, it’s known! Whatever he says no one ever in the world had spoken before & whatever he told them on various platforms of the world was called wisdom distilled! The same man standing there, infront of me, carrying his top end laptop, infront of the Certified Fleecing Centre (CFC - No Chloro-Fluro-Carbons this time!) door as the Lords Of The Rings (Certified Fleecing Experts or CFEs!) perambulated inside the impregnable castle made or leased by the company from where he bought the TOP END LAPTOP, paying the TOP END CURRENCY from HIS TOP END POCKET, made things unreal for me!

I became very much interested when it came to my knowledge that all 'The Who Is Who' of the world I met in India, for the last couple of years, I met infront of or inside of some Certified Fleecing Centres somewhere in the Secular & Democratic India! And, all these people, 'The Who Is Who', have been regularly & systematically fleeced by the Fleecing Experts (FEs!) in these Fleecing Centres, spread all over India! It is heard that THIS WAITING IN 'Q's OUTSIDE OR INSIDE THESE CERTIFIED FLEECING CENTRES HAS BEEN MADE A CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT WHICH CAN NOT BE OR SHOULD NOT BE COMPROMISED UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE! And, ‘Life In India as well as Death In India’ has become waiting in the ‘Q’s run by the Company Certified Fleecing Centres (CCFCs!) as THE UNLUCKLY - The One Billion Of India!- HAS BOUGHT A GADGET from the secular, democratic & modern markets of India!

Hence, the political parties which want to HAVE 'THE PEOPLE CONNECT' & THE ALL REGISTARING AGENCIES like Ration Card Suppliers, Duplicate or Fake Identity Providers (DFIPs!), Minority Card Suppliers, BPL Card Providers (BPLCPs!), Gas Connection Providers, UIDAIs or ADHAARs, NIRADHAARs etc have prepared the all inclusive NATIONAL LIST OF ALL THE GADGETS PEOPLE OF INDIA OWN that they can zero in on the 'Q's which probably can contain the person listed @ any particular moment of his or her LISTED BUT LISTLESS LIFE IN THE MODERN, SECULAR & DEMOCRATIC INDIA!

THIS ‘NATIONAL LIST OF ALL THE GADGETS PEOPLE OF INDIA OWN’ has become the most important list of all - They call it THE MOTHER OF ALL LISTS IN THE MODERN, SECULAR & DEMOCRATIC INDIA!- and everyone worth his or her salt is after it! For example the Hospitals are madly after it as according to THEIR (HOSPITALS’) THEORY OF RELATIVITY 'What The Person Buys - The Indigenously Built State Of The Art Gadget- Decides The Malady One Is Going To Have In His Or Her Life!' This 'Hospitals' Theory Of Relativity' is a very STRONG contestant for the next year's Medical & Economic Nobel Prizes!

The Insurance People always CHECK what gadgets the person who is going to be insured has with him that they can cancel out all the sorts of insurance covers from their side, in the sly, for the diseases coming out of the possession of gadgets in the insured's life! The Insurance People, now a days, ONLY WANT TO INSURE those people who don’t own any gadget & if other people want to insure with them they should pay 1000 times the original premium for a Non Gadgeter, as it is WRITTEN CLEARLY IN ILLEGIBLE MICROSCOPIC LETTERS in the million line terms & conditions, the insurance companies issue, which no living mortal has ever successfully read completely, till date!

It is scientifically proven beyond any doubt that when one buys a Laptop Computer, Mobile Phone, Battery of Anything, Motor Vehicle, Charger of Anything, Ordinary T.V, LED T.V, LCD T.V, Desk Top Computer, Camera, Scanner, Printer, Modem, Headphone, Pump Set, Inverter, Stabilizer, AC, Cooler, Gas Stove, Cooker, Radio, Time Piece, Clock , Fan, Water Pump, Water Tap, DVD Player, Refrigerator, Washing Machine, Dryer, DVD Drive, Hard Drive, Memory Stick, Watch or any of the million other gadgets available in the Secular & Democratic Markets of India ONE IS BUYING A MALADY FOR LIFE TO WHICH ONE WILL SUCCUMB SOONER OR LATER!

"The higher the price tag for your gadget the deadlier the malady you buy!" - The sentence taught in all the schools in the Secular & Democratic India-without having any differentiation such as State Syllabus, CBSE or ICSE- as a unique example of 'Comparative Degree'! As higher the price one pays the heavier one suffers from the WHOLESOME MISFUNCTION, MALFUNCTION & DISFUNCTION the gadget brings in with itself into the buyer’s life as its integral parts! It is also guaranteed that WHATEVER GADGET ONE BUYS IN THE MODERN, SECULAR & DEMOCRATIC INDIA WILL, FOR SURE, WITHOUT EXEMPTIONS, MAKE ONE’S LIFE INSUFFEREBLE LIKE HELL! All the gadgets purchased in India, from the next financial year onwards, will bring with the very limited & short-period guarantee card another card –For the first time ever in the world!- that will depict expansively with colourful photographs etc & guarantee the unique malady or the unique set of maladies one gadget carries or brings in with it when the SENSIBLE & QUALITY-ORIENTED CUSTOMER or BUYER BUYS IT FROM THE MODERN, SECULAR & DEMOCRATIC MARKETS OF INDIA!

High Blood Pressure, Coughing, Fever with a starting minimum of 1000 Degree Centigrade, Mad Cow Disease, Leprosy, Depression, Piles, Blindness, Amnesia, Fits, Heart Attack, Whooping Cough, Splitting Head Ache, Stroke, Parkinson Disease, 24/7 Itching, Lunacy, H1N1, PQRS, SWCK etc & more are just some of the maladies one can buy from the open, secular, democratic markets of India, for sometime now, WHERE THE PRICES OF THE MALADY IS DECIDED IN THE OPEN MARKET BY THE EXQISITE ‘DEMAND-SUPPLY THEORY’ OF PURE ECONOMICS!

Hospital chains (And ofcourse the secretly (Private) practising government doctors as well!) in large numbers are eagerly ready to partly finance the gadgets the Indians buy from the Indian Markets as according to the study conducted by ‘Stupid & Mad’ clearly illustrates that the bought gadgets will definitely bring in MORE VOLUMES OF PATIENTS WITH INCURABLE DISEASES, treating whom till they die the hospitals can hugely profit for generations! Understanding this Unique Selling Proposition (USP) the hospital chains are lobbying the Central Government to clear FDI in Gadget Financing For Hospitals (GFH!) that the Balance of Payment (BOP) Situation can be positively taken care of & balanced! It has also come to the common knowledge that the foreign hospital chains also have expressed their keen & earnest interest in this unique project – GFH- that THEY TOO CAN SERVE ‘THE DESERVING INDIANS’, AS THEY ARE EQUIPPED WITH MORE STATE OF THE ART GADGETS!